FAMILY MATTERS
Dr Chantima Ongkosit Krairiksh
While I'm happy that we now have a television rating system; I am, however, still concerned about other messages that are being sent to our youth.
A very popular Thai television series where the hero repeatedly rapes the leading female character displaying sexually, emotionally and physically abusive behaviour has been aired frequently to mesmerise fans. The underlying message seems to be that such appalling behaviour is "okay" - that a man who loves a woman will rape her; or will eventually realise his love after raping her.
It also shows that a woman has to accept such abusive behaviour and finally she will be rewarded with understanding, love and happiness.
We all know that children learn from TV and they are the most vulnerable as they tend to learn unselectively. No matter how the story is romanticised, children are absorbing an "abusive relationship" and thinking that it is okay when people are in intimate relationships.
This kind of relationship has nothing to do with love or anger but is about power and control. Domestic abuse occurs everywhere in the world and among all age groups.
It is difficult to identify abuse. Some relationships are abusive from the start, but usually the abuse starts slowly and subtly but worsens gradually.
There are some signs that may help one to recognise a potentially abusive relationship. Some signs are clearly displayed by the hero of the aforementioned TV series.
- Look at or act in ways that scares his or her partner.
- Needs to be with the partner all the time, will call or check when not together - very needy and insecure. Such behaviour should not to be interpreted as love or devotion.
- Acts jealous or possessive and is always accusing the partner of being unfaithful.
- Requires the partner to ask for permissions for everyday decisions.
- Trying to control all aspects of the partner's life.
- Gets angry after drinking alcohol or using drugs.
- Threatens to kill himself or even the partner.
- Displays aggressive behaviour when needs are unmet.
- Never accept that he or she is wrong.
- Promise to change, beg forgiveness, show remorse and bestows gifts and attention but continues to repeat the same pattern of behaviour.
Dr Chantima Ongkosit Krairiksh is the chairwoman and co-founder of Manarom Hospital. She is also an assistant professor and guest lecturer of psychiatry at Mahidol University.
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