COMMENTARY
SANITSUDA EKACHAI
When I asked my 12-year-old daughter what she thinks now that Thailand will soon have more girls than boys, she just gave a shrug.
"So what?," she mumbled dismissively as she continued to download a song into a laptop.
It is the law of demand and supply, I explained. "With fewer men around, girls will have to fight for boys' attention, don't you think? It will give men more power because they can play hard to get, don't you think?
"This is not Mummy's crazy idea. The conference I attended was worried about this. And it said girls might have even more problems finding a partner given the fact that more boys are now gays."
My girl sighed as she gave me a long look. "Mum, girls can be gays, too, you know. Why worry?"
I don't think anyone who attended the conference on gender and demography could afford not to be worried.
My concern is not so much for my daughter. If she can still insist that "boys are the most boring species" in future as she does now, and if as a big girl she is as good at saying "No" with her boyfriend as she now is with Mum and Dad, then she would be doing okay.
My concern is for our country.
The conference, organised by the Institute for Population and Social Research, Mahidol University, pointed to a worrying future if we insist on holding on to double sexual standards short of policies to help society cope with new realities.
The crux of the problem is the cultural values that endorse men's sexual promiscuity and carefree adventures while telling women they are bad if they cannot live up to the virginity myth or are unable to devote themselves selflessly to the family.
In this culture, daringness is a requisite of manhood, and not asking questions is seen as an expression of women's love and trust.
Research shows that despite changes towards more liberal sexual behaviour among youngsters, the sexual double standards remain intact. In the face of spreading HIV/Aids, this is tantamount to committing suicide.
Condom use is an effective way to prevent Aids infection and unwanted pregnancy. Yet more than 70% of the respondents in one research study said they did not use condoms in their first sexual experience. Interestingly, two-thirds of the women said it was unwilling sex imposed by their lovers, showing the seriousness of date rape.
Another research study showed that only 12% of men use condoms with their permanent partner while less than half use condoms with casual lovers.
Why so? Young girls say they fear appearing sexually experienced if they ask for condom use. For the wives, they fear insulting their men if they show distrust.
Compounding the problem is the national condom use campaign focusing on commercial sex workers. It has created the public perception that condoms are not for love relationships.
Unsafe sex in a seemingly safe relationship is why an increasing number of young girls and housewives are falling prey to Aids infections.
Don't think you are risk-free if you are in the "older" age group. One research says more than half of women aged between 55-59 stopped having sex, yet 70% of men their age group remained sexually active.
"When these men buy sex, only 10% use condoms." This is suicidal because many sex workers do not use condoms with their lovers, who may have had unsafe sex with others, too.Our failure to address safe sex stems from our insistence to hold on to the myth of the asexual innocence of women and youngsters. We must ask why we prefer to see them die rather than tackling our values.
Whatever the answers, the survivors, mostly women, will pay the price. As traditional care-givers, the burden of the ageing society will fall on women. With no state help, single and financially independent women may not have time to enjoy life, being tied down by elderly Mums and Dads.
Now that would make my girl worry.
Sanitsuda Ekachai is Assistant Editor (Outlook), Bangkok Post.
Email: sanitsudae@bangkokpost.co.th
Source: http://www.bangkokpost.com
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