POST SCRIPT
ROGER CRUTCHLEY
Last Wednesday morning I was in certified couch potato mode, surfing between CNN and the BBC observing the US election results. Initially the plan was to watch for about half an hour and go back to bed. Five hours later I was still glued to the set _ it was all quite gripping and surprisingly entertaining. Educational too _ you quickly got to learn that the US map consists of a few blue bits on the east and west coasts and masses of red in between _ and 270 was the magic figure, which the missus immediately decided would be a lucky lottery number.
All the latest technology was proudly shown off, including those finger touch electronic techniques on giant TVs, which I'm sure wouldn't work if I had to do it. It was a far cry from the old Swingometer Robert McKenzie used to show off on the BBC back in the 1960s for the British elections. That's probably a museum piece now.
CNN even introduced holograms, transporting people from thousands of miles away into a three-dimensional presence in the studio. Not quite sure what the point of that was, as it looked a bit like wayward special effects which had escaped from a sci-fi movie.
Anchors aweigh
CNN had probably the slicker set up with the cool Anderson Cooper seemingly on top of the whole chaotic situation without breaking into a sweat. The BBC, led by veteran anchorman David Dimbleby was a bit erratic, but fun to watch. Mr Dimbleby was quite amusing all evening _ unfortunately not always intentionally.
There was all sorts of potential for cock-ups. Both the BBC and CNN suffered audio problems with correspondents out in the field not being able to hear what the anchors in the studio were asking and vice versa. When they finally got through the background noise was often so deafening you couldn't hear a word they were saying anyway.
On one occasion CNN spoke to Dr Martin Luther King Jr's daughter at a Baptist church. Unfortunately the choir was in full voice behind her at the time and all you could hear was lots of ''Hallelujahs!'' and gospel music at full throttle.
Speaking of music, you also had to spare a thought for Hank Williams Jr whose band was playing at the Republican HQ at a Phoenix hotel. Performing for the losing party in a US election must rank as one of the worst gigs imaginable. The audience was definitely not in the mood for C&W.
Question time
There were a couple of particularly entertaining moments in the BBC studio in Washington. The former US ambas sador to the UN, John Bolton, who appeared to be a bit grumpy, demanded on air that a BBC reporter be sacked because he didn't like the line of questioning of a Republican official. ''That wasn't an interview, that was an argument,'' he snarled. In fact he didn't agree with anyone the whole night and gave the impression he didn't think the British team was knowledgable enough to be covering the election in the first place. Maybe his dodgy moustache was playing up.
Later, Mr Dimbleby was involved in an hilariously embarrassing interview with a cantankerous Gore Vidal. Actually it was more an ''attempted'' interview. Mr Dimbleby was immediately put in his place with Mr Vidal commencing ''I don't know who you are ...'' and the eccentric author rambled on, not making too much sense. As he hastily ended the interview, Mr Dimbleby was almost lost for words, but finally came out with ''Well, that was fun!'', which it most definitely wasn't, accompanied by assorted giggling from the other political pundits in the studio.
Wag the tail
You have to ponder why anyone would want to be US president. Just imagine surfacing every morning and realising you are responsible for not only 300 million US citizens, but in reality the entire world _ financial gloom, unwinnable wars and as yet unknown horrors. It would be enough to make you roll over and go back to sleep, except you would only have nightmares. Just about anything the US president does affects everyone in the world. British historian Arnold Toynbee wasn't far off the mark when he commented: ''America is a large friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail it knocks over a chair.''
Don't look in the in-tray
When Bill Clinton was first elected in 1992, I admit to having some reservations, primarily because he was the first US president younger than Crutch. Presidents were supposed to be old and boring, but there was this fresh-faced young lad who could even carry a tune on the saxophone. It made me feel like an old fossil. But the saxophone-playing president was quite refreshing, especially seeing him at the inaugural belting out Your Momma Don't Dance (And Your Daddy Don't Rock 'n' Roll).
Then along came George W. Bush. One suspects that if George W had picked up a sax at his inaugural they would have sent for the men in white coats. However George W was more my age _ in fact he was exactly my age, being born on the same day. That's as far as our similarities go, I think.
Now there's a much younger president, a decent man who will need all the luck in the world. As the BBC commented this week, when Barack Obama takes over from George W, he will be inheriting ''the in-tray from Hell''. You can only wish him all the best.
Contact PostScript via email at oldcrutch@hotmail.com.
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