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Bridging THE GAP
KRIENGSAK NIRATPATTANASAI
'Khun Kriengsak, are there common issues that come up when clients seek your advice?" Dr Ning asks me during a coffee break. Her university is planning an international doctorate programme and has invited me to join the focus group from the business sector.
"It depends on each person and the situation they are facing," I reply. "Nevertheless, the coaching sessions are mostly about people; how one interacts with a boss, works with colleagues or manages a team."
"Maybe you can coach me about how to motivate staff?"
"What is the situation?" I ask.
"I have five people who report to me. Two are high calibre, two are good. The last one is not bad but she could do more."
"Can you be more specific?" I ask.
"She is a 9-5 person, comes on time and leaves the office on time. She delivers as I assign. But she doesn't have any initiative."
"Do you use any Key Performance Indicators (KPI) in performance management?"
"We do. She has five KPIs. She always accomplishes the KPIs."
"Is initiative one of the KPIs?"
"No. But I want her to grow. How can you grow if you don't have initiative?"
"Does she want to grow?"
"I think so."
"Did she tell you or are you just guessing?"
"I'm guessing."
"Could you be wrong?"
"Possibly," she said, and then changes direction: "How can you change people who do not want to change?"
"I think it's hard to change people who do not want to change. It might be easier to help people see the reason why they should change," I answer.
"How do I help her see a reason to change?" she asks.
"First you have to understand her. We are motivated by different reasons. Why don't you talk to her about her career plan? Once you have that information, we can discuss more how to help her achieve her career aspirations."
A week after, I meet Dr Ning again.
"She told me that she doesn't have a career plan. She wants to do her job as assigned. Get the paycheque and go back home to take care of her family. I told her that she has potential. I want to help her. But she said that she knows she has potential. She is also aware that I am trying to help her. But she gave me a very enlightening statement."
"What was that?" I ask.
"She said that if I would like to help her, please respect her decision."
"Wow, that's very straightforward."
"She is a very polite person. I guess she had been annoyed by my good intentions for a long long time," Dr Ning giggles.
"What did you learn, Dr Ning?"
"I learned that I cannot use myself as a standard. People have different needs. I always thought that I had good intentions by trying to help people move forward in their careers. But we are not all the same.
"Anyway, I was inspired by her, so I decided to talk with my four other staff about their career aspirations. I learned a lot by simply listening.
"I would like to ask your advice on another matter. I have a colleague at the same level in a different department. I have to deal with her regularly. I'm not comfortable with her manner. She is too straightforward and sometimes aggressive. I want to talk to her, but I am uncomfortable around her. What should I do?"
"Dr Ning, you have two choices: You can choose not to be annoyed. As Eleanor Roosevelt observed, 'No one can hurt you without your consent.'
"Alternatively, you can talk to her about how her behaviour makes you feel and ask her to modify her behaviour. Which one do you prefer?"
"I already practise option one. But it has come to the point that I would like to tell her how I feel. But I'm afraid."
"What are you afraid of?"
"I'm afraid that she might take it personally and will not co-operate with me in the future."
"But if you do not talk to her what would be the consequence to you?"
"I will be continuously frustrated and there would be an impact on my productivity."
"What is your choice?" I ask.
"I think I will go talk to her."
"What could make your talk go smoothly?"
"I think I will draft my statement first. I will make it as constructive and objective as possible. Even though she is an aggressive person, she is also a sensible one. Then, I will rehearse until I'm confident."
"Why don't we role play? You spend a few minutes drafting your dialogue. Then, we can practise a few times until you are confident."
Kriengsak Niratpattanasai provides executive coaching in leadership and diversity management under the brand TheCoach. He can be reached at coachkriengsak@yahoo.com. Copies of previous columns are available at http://www.thaicoach.com
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