Your Burmese maid knows the outcome

Now that this ridiculously over publicized piece of news is out of the way perhaps we can get back to the news stories that really count?

For example, did you know that people are still dying because of the floods? This week a villager in Bang Kaew drowned and in Phatthalung flood levels remain high? You didn’t know that did you. I bet you know the names of the judges involved in the Democrats case though.

You don’t know that either? Well you’re just awesome aren’t you.

Perhaps if there were a movie it would be more interesting?

Depressing isn’t it? While the country concerns itself over whether we should publicly admit that our politicians are corrupt instead just let them be corrupt behind closed doors the nation’s crime rate is on the rise. Wait, is the crime rate on the rise? I don’t know, nobody ever talks about stuff like that.

I’ll tell you what they do talk about though, holidays. Taking time out of their busy schedule that involves improving the countries transport infrastructure, solving the problem of illegal abortions and fixing the south, the cabinet approved yet another national holiday for civil servants. Set for May 16 (Monday), it falls between two national holidays the Royal Ploughing Ceremony Day on May 13 (Friday) and Maha Bucha Day on May 17 (Tuesday). This effectively gives government workers a five day holiday. And what is this freebie supposed to promote? Family travel! Where are families supposed to travel to? Flood hit areas? The south? Historical sites like Preah Vihear?

It’s time for the Family Travel national holiday!

It seems to me that these people have a lot of work to do. Time is wasted on court sessions that are ruled out on technicalities that must have been known from the beginning or on reshuffling people, reallocating budgets or retracting statements.

Award yourselves with a holiday by all means my dear civil employees, but do us all a favour and do your job first.

Following the recent discovery of water on Luna’s surface NASA has decided to shoot the moon with a missile to see if any more of the precious liquid can be found. It is still not one hundred per cent certain what moon water will help achieve, although it will supposedly mean that astronauts won’t have to transport hundreds of bottles of Evian every time they go exploring.

The question of what to do with this water once it is discovered is best left to giant soft drinks corporations and theme park companies. A more prudent question would be, “What the hell do you mean you’re shooting the moon?”

Before you start thinking that this act of violence will wreck the movement of the tides, or resemble scenes from Star Wars, hundreds of sciencey types maintain that there is no need to panic. This is because the moon’s surface is regularly bombarded by passing meteorites, which produce the same effect as NASA’s missile.

So why not just wait for one of these space rocks to do the job for them? I failed high-school science so I can’t answer that. I’m sure there’s a good reason though. What I really want to know is what would people think if it were another country conducting this test?

Think about it. It sounds like something out of a James Bond movie. What if it were Iran or North Korea who were planning to blow up the moon? No doubt the media and Western governments would vilify such an action. But when NASA – with their fancy acronym and frequently updated Twitter account – do it, it’s all fun and games.

Regardless of who is doing the shooting the question remains on the importance of blowing craters on that big hunk of cheese in the sky. It’s like CERN’s Large Hadron Collider experiment. No doubt we (mankind) will learn something new. But will that something be worth it? Does the potential for adverse effects outweigh the potential benefits? Will the universe implode? What if the moon shoots back?

These may sound like the ramblings of an insane journalist, and they most probably are. But with the global economy the way it is, global warming (don’t get me started), international relations stretched to breaking point, famine, disease, natural disasters, lack of health care, a lack of cooperation in relocating refugees, terrorism, the disappearance of hundreds of local cultures to globalisation, an over-reliance on technology, deforestation, the extinction of countless species and millions of people with broken hearts slowly crying to themselves, is blowing up the moon really our main priority right now?

NASA’s mission to bomb the moon will be broadcast live on NASA TV, starting at 6.15am EDT (5.15pm here in Thailand) on October 9, 2009.