How to be happier with people at work

How to be happier with people at work

A lot of people are unhappy at work. One of the reasons is the stress of working with other people.

Based on my experience, unhappiness working with other people is about attitude, how you view yourself and others and how you interpret the situation.

I have observed successful people who are happy with their jobs and also produce great work, and I've found that most share the eight qualities below:

1. Avoid jumping to conclusions without facts.

2. Avoid using yourself as a standard in judging others.

3. Value disagreement instead of viewing it as a conflict.

4. Listen more than talk in order to understand others.

5. Avoid being too much of a perfectionist.

6. Forgive others when they make mistakes.

7. Apologise for mistakes, take quick corrective action and be more careful in the future.

8. Avoid giving feedback behind someone's back. Give it directly to the person with dignity.

Let's learn more about each one.

1. Avoid jumping to conclusions without facts. Case in point: You need a piece of information from a colleague who works in another department. You've left three voicemails and received no response. You decide to email her a strongly worded complaint about her lack of responsibility and also copy it to her boss.

The following day, her boss replies with the information you needed. He also informs you that your colleague was admitted to hospital early yesterday with food poisoning, and that's why she was unable to respond to you.

2. Avoid using yourself as a standard in judging others. Case in point: There is a boss who usually comes to work at 7am and leaves at 9pm. In the first six months, three secretaries resigned for the same reason: "My boss expects me to come and leave at the same time as she does. I want to have a life. Further, I use public transport and my boss has a driver."

3. Value disagreement instead of viewing it as a conflict. We are unique individuals. It's impossible for two people -- even twins -- to think exactly alike in every aspect.

Hence, we have to value diversity in order to have different perspectives. But a lot of people perceive that anyone who has an opposite idea is the enemy.

Smart people value disagreement and are happy to discuss it. If two people have high trust in each other and are willing to sincerely debate their disagreements, a third option will emerge. Occasionally, this third choice will be much better than those being disputed.

4. Listen more than talk in order to understand others. In the book Leading, Sir Alex Ferguson and Sir Michael Moritz write: "There's a reason that God gave us two ears, two eyes and one mouth. It's so you can listen and watch twice as much as you talk. Best of all, listening costs you nothing."

You understand others by listening not by talking to them. Then, you will be able to offer your service to them accordingly.

Eventually, they appreciate your listening, and will reciprocate by listening to you.

5. Avoid being too much of a perfectionist. You can be a perfectionist if all the work is under your control alone. But most knowledge workers must be part of a team to get things done. The outputs from other knowledge workers usually consist of judgements. It's highly unlikely that all this output will be exactly as you expected at all times. You have to learn to live with reasonable quality work instead of perfection.

6. Forgive others when they make mistakes. In this dynamic world things do not always go as planned. Hence, we have to learn to live with mistakes. If we are too attached to a plan without flexibility, we will get angry at other people easily. Instead of venting frustration when people make mistakes, forgive them.

Mahatma Gandhi once said: "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." Be strong, forgive, let go and move forward.

7. Apologise for mistakes, take quick corrective action and be more careful in the future. Most people defend their egos by making excuses instead of admitting to mistakes because they see making mistakes as a sign of failure. In fact, mistakes are all part of the process. The courageous person is the one who admits, apologises, takes action and learns from it.

8. Avoid giving feedback behind someone's back. Give it directly to the person with dignity. If you have feedback, be sincere and tell the person directly. Don't tell a third party because then it will be viewed as gossip.

None of us can live up to all eight of these qualities all the time. But practising them and maintaining self-awareness as much as possible will make you happier at work.


Kriengsak Niratpattanasai provides executive coaching in leadership and diversity management under the brand TheCoach. He can be reached at

coachkriengsak@yahoo.com. Daily inspirational quotations can be found on his Facebook fan page: https://www.facebook.com/TheCoachinth. Previous articles are archived at http://thecoach.in.th

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