Choices in life

Pachara Thammon is a young, promising singer who was awarded the third prize at the famous talent show The Star. Anyone who watched the show would remember his smooth yet powerful voice during the contest, as week after week he came on stage and performed his best until the final round.

But instead of being recognised solely by his talent, it was his private life involving his gay adoptive father that has caught the attention of the media and the public eye.

Causing a buzz among audiences recently was the talk-of-the-town local drama Prachan Si Roong (Rainbow Moon) for its unabashed theme about the life of a superstar who was raised by a gay foster father. Immediately the show marked the controversial issue of gay parenthood in Thai society. And the life of Pachara was among the hot topics in cyberspace, comparing it to the scandalous local drama as he was also adopted by a gay father when he was only 6 months old.

"We were invited to be interviewed on the show At Ten because there were rumours about me and my dad spreading through some websites. Also some people said that somehow my life was surprisingly similar to the TV drama that was on air on Channel 3," revealed the 23-year-old Pachara.

His father, Panya Thammon, who entered the interview room a short while later, apologised with his gentle manners for being late and sat next to his son. With a visible trace of make-up and coloured hair, his effeminate side was rather noticeable.

"I had no idea what the soap drama was all about," Panya began. "But my biggest concern was my son's feelings. I wasn't quite sure whether joining the programme would be a good idea," he added.

"I was afraid that it might have a negative effect on my son."

 

Nervousness was obvious in both faces when the two were sitting in front of the host and members of the studio audience. Even during an interview with 'Outlook' both appeared a little uncomfortable bringing up the subject once again. While his son was being moderate in words, it was Panya who directed the conversation.

"Fluke's father came and asked me to take care of his son when he had a few days left before going to jail," Panya said. He then explained that he was introduced to Pachara's father, Songwut Romyapand, through a friend and admitted that he had a crush on him, though their relationship never crossed the line beyond brotherly love.

"After his wife gave birth to Fluke, around six months later she lost her new motorbike and Fluke's father found it parked inside the police station. He waited until someone returned to the motorbike. He charged at the person and punched him in the face. Since it happened inside the police station, he was charged for his attack, and without the money to bail himself out, he had to stay in prison," he explained. "I was among his older acquaintances. He used to tell me that I should consider adopting a child; it was finally his own that he came for my help about.

"I felt sorry for his unfortunate life, but I didn't say yes right away," said Panya. "Back then I hated being with children. So I told myself that if that night I brought the baby home and he stayed quiet until the next day, I would accept this important mission."

And one well-behaved night of little Fluke changed Panya's life forever. He then legally adopted Pachara as his own son.

A native of Angthong, Panya was a teacher at the Angthong College of Dramatic Arts when he became a foster father. However, bringing a new member without any relation to his family to the house, his relatives agreed to ask him to leave.

 

"My mum passed away and my cousins told me not to bring a 'burden' into the family. They said if I insisted on doing so, I had to leave the house," Panya recalled. "With a small piece of land that my mum willed to me before she died, I grabbed an old electric fan and moved out."

With a salary on which he could hardly support himself, on weekends Panya travelled to Bangkok and worked in a nightclub as a dancer for extra income. Day after day the little boy grew up, and when Pachara was at the age for primary school Panya decided to move to Bangkok, hoping for a bright future for his new "family".

It was also at the same time that the real father reached out for his long lost son.

"I met my real dad when I was a child, so it's not like I have been hidden away from him," Pachara began after listening to his father for a while. "I met both of my real parents but later my mum passed away and my real dad then started a new family. However, we still talk regularly. He even sent me a gift during The Star contest."

"I could say that I was a bit selfish not to try harder to give Fluke back to his own father," Panya interrupted, in a serious tone.

"But I was quite sure that it would be better for him to be in Bangkok than back in Angthong. And most importantly, it would be difficult to let him go."

Landing the second runner-up spot of the famous talent show, however, was not his first taste of the glamour of showbiz.

"When Fluke was about four years old, I began to work as costume staff for a television programme. Fluke was spotted by the modelling crew and he was hired as a child model in magazines and television commercial ads. But it was a famous film director, Bundit Ritthakon," said Panya, flashing a big smile with pride in his eyes, "who offered him a role in his first movie in 1989."

Pachara then became a regular face as a child actor until his last performance in the epic movie Suriyothai, in which he played the young prince Phra Yodfah, before he gradually disappeared from the pubic eye.

Young Pachara then turned his back on the spotlight and embraced a normal life as a high-schooler in an all-boys school. And there, he noted, was the first time he began to question his father's sexuality.

"More and more of my friends kept calling my dad 'gay'. At first, I thought they were just being rude, so I picked a fight with them a couple of times because of what they said to me," he said.

 

"But then I noticed that dad has never been involved with any women and most of his friends were acting in the same feminine way," said Pachara, while his father flashed a big smile for his innocent answer. Panya then shared his version of events: "I knew that that day would come, but I was a bit nervous and didn't know what to do.

"So I gave him a lame excuse that he should tell his friends how I was trained in good manners that's why I act very neat and gentle like women." Panya then laughed. "But I realised it was never going to work, after all."

The question arose during the interview on how this issue managed to be settled among the two.

"I just simply accepted it. It doesn't matter if he's gay. He raised me and got me where I am today. Sometimes life offers you limited choices but the big deal is how you live your life with those choices," Pachara remarked and then explained that his father never admitted in words that he was gay, and nor did he force an answer from him. He left the issue, in his own words, "mutual".

"It was my flaw, I know, being a gay father who raised a son," Panya went on. "Even though the moment I became his father I told myself that I would try my best to become as manly as possible to be a 'good' role model for him.

"But, I just couldn't. It was against my own self. So I tried other ways to be both father and mother, supporting him as much as I am capable of - life opportunities, education and, of course, my pure love."

The loud applause in the hall of the Thunder Dome, Muang Thong Thani, still echoed in Panya's ears after the name of his son was announced as one of the winners. It was the proudest moment, he said, to witness his son fulfilling his dream. But deep down in his heart, he began to realise that his simple life with Pachara would never be the same.

"I remembered walking with him one day, I overheard people whispering and calling me a 'paedophile'. I was unbearable indeed as I wondered how could they be so rude and judgemental, but I could do nothing about it. To be frank, there are those people who set a bad example in society anyway. And I just can't explain to everyone that this is my son. In the end, I kept walking and hoped that my son didn't hear those words," Panya explained.

At 54, Panya is now a respected teacher at Bangkok College of Dramatic Arts, while Pachara's career in entertainment is now on the rise. The album The Star Season 5, with his single Kon Mai Koei Took Rak (Never Been Loved), has climbed up many local radio charts. And with his acting background, his agency Exact has landed him a role in the upcoming soap drama Proong Nee Kor Rak Ther, which is now in the filming process.

After the buzz of gossip and suspicion, the lives of Panya and Pachara are on the bright side again since their secret has been unveiled.

"At first, I thought I should stay as quiet as possible, if I might ruin my son reputation, but letting the public hear the truth was actually a good call. Now, I can walk with my son again without fear. People even recognised me from the show and appreciated how I raised my son," said the father of the new star.

"As I believe in the law of karma, having him as my son and watching him succeed is truly a priceless reward for the good deeds I have committed so far in my life".

Relate Search: Pachara Thammon, Prachan Si Roong (Rainbow Moon)