Dowery

[phuut maak]

In my wife's family its tradition that they invite the groom to be in the house, and ask him about his job,what about his family, do he have a house, what are his plans for the future, can he support the daughter, what gaurantees can he offer; When they are not shure about him they ask a big dowry, when he is trusted, they ask a small dowry. Anyhaow the dont keep the dowry for themselves, but give it to the daughter, so have some protection for the future if things go wrong, or they are bad luck in life. When the youngest son of my wife like to married whit a Thai girl from Cjinese origin(Teachuw) they did not like him at first because his skin is rather dark, even he had a good carreer andhis own house. They asked a really big dowry. The invited my wife to visit them. My wife went to them togheter whit her two sisters. The moment they realize that my wife was Teachow also, and come from a good family, the immedeatly stopped to asked a dowry. As a westerner its very strange for me. But I think its have some benifits, They like to protect their daughters future. When a daughter of my wife like to married, she interviewed the groomto be, and she find out that he could not be trusted, so she asked thet the man build a house for her daughter, and 1 million Bath in cash. Of course the man could not provide it, and the marroedge could not take place. later the deughter find out that her mother took the right decision. The man did have some other wife whit a baby somewhere. I did not have to pay any dowry, the family of my wife never asked me something, they treath me like one of the family; whe I visit them they cook the thinghs I like. When I go shopping they go whit me otherwise theires a danger that I pay too much. When i visit them I feel warm, and again I've been married for 30 years, they never asked me something. Maybe its an exeption, but I think there are many family's like that in Thailand. Maybe its because I did meet my wife in Europe, and I visit my Thai family for the first time after 10 years.

[Rooster]

No, Ian. My sister's ex-husband has never lived or visited Thailand. He is a self-center and egocentric individual. Yes, we could reject her and let her live off the American welfare system with her two children. He accumulated over $50,000USD of credit card debt. She has to pay half of his debt after the divorce. Oh, yes. She was admitted to psychiatric hospital for about 4 months before we paid off her debt. My parents sold one of their house to help clean up her financial messes. And you are still beating up on Thai men for selling their daughters...buyer beware.

[Ian]

Rooster - on the other hand : you're sister got American residency via this husband. Perhaps you did also.
But he does sound like a thoroughly bad person - a total disgrace. Personally I apologise to you that we have such low-life in our countries. I like Mr. Thaksin's ways of dealing with such low-life !

[Ian]

It's also because you married 30 years ago.
Thailand has changed a lot since - not all for the better.
For lots of Thai women and their families nowadays, marrying a farang is simply a scam to fleece as much money out of him as they can. Then move onto their next victim. This way - to an even easier life than they already have (many already don't work).

[Rooster]

Yes, you are right Puut Maak. Tradition and culture has their own purposes. Your wife is lucky to meet you. And you are lucky too to have a good family. People should always allow elders from their family to do all negotiation for them if they do not understand about the procedures.

[Roooster]

Ian, you made assumption again about my family. We are American citizens and have dual citizenships. Our parents are not stupid and understood both Thai and US laws. The children that were bornt in Thailand received automatic citizenships when our parents became citizens. My sister did not have a greencard and was bornt in USA. Why did you think that she decided not to listen to her family? My niece and nephew also have dual citizenships. My children also have dual citizenships. You are confusing us with those mail ordered brides who think that it is the only to travel to foreign countries via foreign marriages - mostly of these women are under educated or plain ignorant persons. There are variety of ways for all type of people to migrate or to immigrate...not just through marriage. Thailand has always been a dumping pit in Asia for all the unwanted and abused badly by these people and the colonialists.

[Rooster]

I would like to recommend a Thai movie to anyone who want to understand a little of almost everythings about Thailand...i.e. dowry system and basic rural or urban lives. "MONRAK ROI LAAN" bahts is a Thai musical comedy without English subtittle. If you do not speak or read Thai, you will need someone to help you translate. The brides' family in this movie asked for "roi laan bahts" in dowry for their beautiful daughters. "Roi Laan" bahts is hundred million bahts.

[Mikey]

Hi,

I met a very nice 23 year old girl (Im 35) from the Issan area. She has a decent job which makes 12,000BHT per month. She is the youngest of four daughters. She has stated that her parents will probally ask for 500,000BHT dowry and she agrees with it. Is this a little to much. She does have a degree but lives in a modest Thai style house in the province. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

[Zemran]

I would say that they are being reasonable but you have to think about what you would be happy with. If you are unhappy then you should make it clear that you are unhappy, if you are happy then enjoy life. It is fine to be business like and to talk to the parents albeit with someone translating. You should talk to her first and then them.

I always say that you should make them agree to pay her college debt out of the money as way of a compromise. If they are being reasonable then they should not mind as the main thing that she wants is to have the money on the table at the wedding. On their side she has done well as 12,000 is a good salary and they must have helped get her there so they want recompense.

This is, as always, two cultures meeting. Compromise is somewhere in the middle, not you giving in or them giving in but the two of you meeting somewhere in the middle. You must both be happy with what is agreed rather than one surrendering to the other.

[Tom Cruse]

I dated a Thai Girl for to 2 years. Family asked for 500,000 baht dowry. I got a bank loan, no problem, I was the luckiest man on the earth, right. Three months after the marriage, (I'm waitting for her visa to the U.S.)she's found a millionaire from England and has changed her phone number. My thoughts, her family thinks they'll be rich in a few years, and who cares about farang hearts.