Estimate of Dowry for Girls family

[Lung Paul]

Hypothetically if I were to give a dowry to future parents-in-law in order for it to be gifted back to my wife and I at the time of our wedding, then I would keep the dowry money in my bank account and use a simple gold ribbon as symbol of that money that the parents could gift us at the wedding. I wouldn't trust them to be honest enough to give me my money back.

Would you?

[chris]

unfortunately with my experience of thais in general , i would not trust a thai with my money , i have had bad experiences with thai persons concerning money but i am sure that i have been unlucky and the majority of thais are honest people .
the fact is that westerners have flashed their cash in thailand and have been irresponsible with their money and probably too trusting and some thais see this as a way of fleecing westerners .
also , the thai police would believe a thai more than a westerner .
i have been very generous in the past to certain thai ladies but that will stop .

[Ian]

Why marry a Thai ?

[Ian]

Be realistic - you're unlikely to get this money back.
But if it's not too much - and your wife is a good wife - don't worry : your Thai family is likely to be very helpful.
My own particular problem is that I have a very bad wife - by Thai standards.
My Thai family is pretty good. They have tried to fleece me - but they've also been good about looking after my child.

[John]

To reply John on June, 3rd Everything is on sale here??
Love? Sex?...Maybe I'm wrong, but I’m wondering if you’re in Thailand only for sex tourism or what? It sounds like one of many ridiculous westerners who believe that they're god here and their money is so huge.

Some are just incredibly stupid enough to believe in "real love" at first sight as told by the girls in Soi Cowboy, Pattaya, Patpong or whatever. As long as you have money to pay, obviously that kind of girl “loves” you.

I am a Thai girl as well and I really don’t want to discriminate the girls of my nationality only because of their careers. But let’s face it, there’re so many of the greedy girls who think they can get easy money from farangs, and in the other hands there’re so many of those farangs who need to feel like they’re “somebody” (which they probably can’t get in their countries) What could fit more perfectly than the greedy easy girls and not-so-clever farangs who’re dying for attention?

Ridiculously, some of you farangs believe from your experience that all Thai girls are the same, we’re all buyable! The coin has 2 sides, I don’t blame farangs for this, of course some of our girls have a lot to responsible for this negative image too. Just I’m really wondering sometimes, where these farangs have been doing all the times of their staying in Thailand. Haven’t they met any normal people?

[Siri]

Sorry Chis, Ian and anyone else for your previous bad experiences with Thai marriages. Dowry is common in Thai culture but somehow I think there’re definitely different points of view even among Thais. I’m one of Thai girls as well.
According to Rom’s first post, to be honest, it’s my big surprised to know that we have the pricelist for dowry!!
“for poor family is about 60,000 this is for non educated girls???...if she has a degree or good job must be 100,000 up???... if she's from the rich family as well can be 200,000 up?? but for 500,000 up if she's a model or movie star…..???......”
Sorry Rom, but that makes it sounds like “Thai Brides Pricelist” which I totally disagree.

Just an example, my brother just married with his girlfriend, a very beautiful Master Degree Thai girl from a wealthy family. Of course between Thai-Thai is simply to understand that dowry is common. However, the bride family didn’t demand for anything at all!! Anyway, to follow the tradition my family gave the dowry with money and gold to her family. The bride’s family didn’t take any single Baht of that dowry, her parents gave all to the newly-wedding couple. In addition, they also gave exactly the same amount of money and gold to the couple as a gift for beginning their new life together.

I think no matter you’re Thai-Thai or Thai-Farang couple, if you ask any ordinary Thai families, the dowry issue is only the symbol of respectfulness and thankfulness to the bride parents for raising up their daughter nicely therefore she became the beloved and right one. It’s just a part of the traditional ceremony, but it can’t be a condition that the girl can marry with this guy or not! You can’t value the girls for money, that’s human trade!

[Lung Paul]

Hi All, thanks Siri. So many people fail to see the most obvious of points - that you so kindly wrote - that of human trade/bride pricelist.

For some it's a thin line between a true symbolic dowry/wishing a new couple well and selling your daughter.

Imagine having to give a family 500,000 baht for a wife! You'd have to rich AND stupid AND desperate - not exactly three mutually exclusive things though.

[Ian]

Siri - I much appreciate your comments and information. You most likely know a lot more about Thailand than all us farangs.
But I doubt that your comments apply so much to Isaan. There it seems
the dowry tradition is very much alive. Many farang posting here are most likely married to Isaan women.
The people in Isaan don't seem to view this as "selling" their daughter. They view it as proper respect towards parents who have worked hard looking after their children, since that child was conceived. There's a very good book called Good Medicine For Thai Fever, which explains a lot of this. The authors maintain that Western child-rearing places very high importance on children becoming independent of their parents, as much and as young as possible. Almost the exact opposite in Thailand (especially Isaan), where these authors say children are taught endlessly about their obligation to support their parents - who have supported them : all this from a very early age. What do you think about these two points I've mentioned - 1) Isaan
2) different child-rearing ?

[Siri]

Hi Ian, actually I gave my comments didn’t really mean to apply to Isaan or some specific area.

It’s true that the dowry tradition is very much alive, and not only in Isaan, it’s a part of Thai culture! As you mentioned that most farangs posting here married with Isaan women, so probably you guys know better how it is for real from your own experience. I told the story of my brother’s wedding without demand of dowry from the bride’s parents, the fact is she is from Nakorn Ratchasima – Isaan as well. No matter where it is, I don’t think you can generalize.

You’re absolutely right about different child-rearing among Thai-Western culture. Western kids become independent from their parents much earlier than Thais, that’s why most farangs are more mature than Thais at the same age,

Anyway, I don’t see anything wrong with supporting parents when they get old. My parents never ever told me that it’s obligation to support them when they’re too old, but I’ll definitely do that because I love them, it’s family connection. I really don’t think that I can give them back as much as they’ve given me. By the way, I’m not talking only about money, I become who I am today because of their love and how they raised me up, it’s invaluable!

In my opinion, the idea of supporting parents has nothing to do with dowry at all. I agree that most people view it as proper respect towards parents who have worked hard looking after their children. But as I said, how can you value that? The working hours of the parents? The university tuition fee of the bride? The thing is: if the couple is stopped from marriage only because the parents are not satisfied with the number (not to mention “negotiation process”) I can’t see it something else but “selling”

[Siri]

By the way, “Good Medicine For Thai Fever” where did you get that book from?

Sounds interesting...Just curious how many kinds of fever we have here? :-)