The fact of dowry in traditional marriage

[Ian Beale]

Chris - there's a very good book published recently called Good Medicine For Thai Fever. It clearly explains Thai-farang cultural differences.
In fact, these are not simply cultural differences - in many cases, they're cultural OPPOSITES. Eg. Thai children are "brainwashed" as you call it, from birth to support their parents - the exact OPPOSITE of Western child-rearing
(you should also call THAT "brainwashing").
Western child-rearing stresses the child becoming INDEPENDENT of the parents as early, and as much as possible. The book ends on a somewhat optimistic note saying Thai-farang couples have to compromise : the farang has less independence than in a farang relationship, the Thai suffers more shame because she's married a farang - i.e. seen as a "bar-girl" in Juta's description. I'm less optimistic. Like Thailand's anti-foreigner ownership laws, compared to the West's free-market, anti-discrimination laws - they're exact opposites, almost impossible of a happy compromise. Until Thailand liberalises it's anti-foreigner laws, Thais should be barred from owning in the West. Australia's PM John Howard took the right step here, when more than a decade ago he removed automatic right of foreign wives to permanent residency in Australia. And massively raised fees for sponsoring them.

[chris]

sorry juta , i was a little harsh with my comment about brainwashing , you are right about the thai culture , thai people do care about their elders , unfortunately i live in a country that is morally crumbling .elderly people are treated very badly in this country , we should be ashamed of ourselves .
our grandparents and senior citizens fought in wars to protect us from tyrants and we totally disrespect the people who saved us .
but even the soldiers who have been maimed in iraq and who have fought to protect us from evil men and evil organisations, these men are treated badly by our government .
i do admire the way thai people respect their elders and i should of comprimised more with my ex-wife .
i was wrong and i admit it but i was also used .

[juta]

Don’t’ be too hard on yourself. You’re used (I used your own term) so getting frustration is quite understandable.

However, I don’t agree with you on what you say Brit soldiers ‘who have fought to protect us from evil men and evil organisations’. This war is illegal and only makes the world more and more unbearable to live (but we have no choice, haven’t we?)
This war only serves and satisfies politicians and war hungers.

[Lung Paul]

Our evolution is painfully slow. Stupidity is all too commonplace. Where is the love?

I miss the sixties, and I wasn't even there! I think?

[chris]

yes the iraqi nation should now be left alone , the whole situation has backfired on bush and blair , many innocent civilians and soldiers have been unneccesarily killed .
lets end this now .
but our british soldiers have died heroes , they have taken their orders and unfortunately many have died .

[andy]

My experiance with the two thai ladies i had long term relationships with is, it is not the girl but her family who are the greedy ones, they want money money money, yea farang big money

[ha ha ha]

sorry man ! maybe you never meet nice and good woman from my country ..pity man ..
:-(

[colin howard]

i can,t under stand why the brides parents can,t give the farang groom a few thousand baht for taking there daughter out of the virtual gutter in many cases and giving her a lifestyle she could only dream of ,i live in isan and i,ve seen how many thai girls live before they meet a farang ,in many case,s the farang takes care of her kids too and puts them through a decent education so WHY should he give her parents 1 satang for the honour of doing so?.

[Blue Boy]

Juta hi.

Good post, interesting.

I think one problem is so many girls from the NE have never seen much mney and, when they see a farang with money erroneously get the impression it comes from a bottomless well.

They also believe that those credits cards belong to the guy, not the bank.

A lot of farang love well by comparison but are heavily indebted to banks and credit cards. Thai girls from the NE rarely understand this. Actually often farang woves don't either.

From what I understand a Thai guy marrying a thai girl will willing merge their ownings for the benefit of the entire family. Farang don't think like this.

A "normal" farang also keeps in mind IF one day it doesn't work out, he must return to what? Maybe he is too old by then to re-eduacte himself and find a good job. Maybe he has no more money in the bank. The farang's family will 99% of the time NOT take care if him the way a Thai family takes care of their own. The farang risks ending up in a tiny flat with a naked light bulb covered with dead flies hanging from the ceiling and cashing in welfare checks and fod stamps.

It is not that Thais always try to rip off the farag but rather, Thais do not understand at all the differences in culture. As farang do not really understand when first coming here. I have had to adapt and it has not been easy.

But I love this country, the people and the overall goodness of intentions that hold sway. I never frequent bars or discos and live a pretty normal life. My wife worked hard in a factory for 12 years where she worked her way up to supervisor level. We try to understand each others differences but in the end, it is the fewer similarities that help hold us together.

Where there's a will, there can be a way.