Sin sod and in-law

[colin howard]

hi reed ,i think the secret is just take it easy and think with your head ,i,ve heard so many painful storys about how the farang is regarded as a cash cow ,but realy its all down to you and you alone ain,t it ,if you allow yourself to be "used" you only have yourself to blame, i,ve said it before and i,ll say it again i don,t blame the thai,s for "trying it on " i just blame to stupid farang for allowing it to happen , apart from that you can have a super life with a thai lady if you just approach it the right way , so i realy wish you all the best of luck ,regards,colin .

[a passerby]

You must give sinsot when marry. Today the rural parents look ingnorant but later they might bring up hundred reasons to break your family by chasing their daughter to divorce. Trust me. Try to give them 50 or 100,000 baht and declare clearly "This is Sinsot in front of Village head Man".
Now you might support her schooling or when you visit her country house, you may hand over some 10,000 or, Such things are all "donation" from affluent foreigner but later that doesn't mean much when you family encounter a crisis. When you marry and live together, your wife may remit some small money to her parents. Just close your eyes but If it is too much, you must set a rule with her. after married, some siblings of her ask for help to do own business, you must be very scrupulous to check their real intention.
For such kind of matter, you wife is usually silent or favouring to her own sibblings. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you. One thing last, when your wife feel happy, you will be happy. You must control her and yourself at same time. Making a good family is not easy until your family has own firm culture and value. be patient.

[colin howard]

passerby ,i,ve been married for 3 years and so far have not given my wifes parents 1 satang ,nor have i any intention to do so , i took my wife out of abject poverty and what did her parents ever do for her ,?absolulty nothing , one reads everyday about the spineless farangs forking out vast sums of money to the parents of the lady you have just given a lifestyle she could only dream of ,ok its the thai way you would say, and my answer is if the thai way is so perfect why not marry a thai then , i get sick to my teeth about the human doormats disguised as men saying WHAT you HAVE to do when marrying a thai lady ,maybe i,ve not read the script,regards ,colin .

[a passerby]

Married woman is regarded 'given' to her husband. Therefore culturing his own wife is regarded husband's duty. Most of parents wish their dauther live well with the husband, witout problem until death. Even she is beaten, the parents just endure the broken hearts because their past daughter is now belonging to her husband. Here we can feel their "Grand Loss" in mind. Giving an envelop of money sinsot is the gesture of forgiveness of 'stealing your beloved daughter' and this sinsot process can be found humanely.
In the future, whey you send your daughter to a man, unimpressive to your eyes, you feel same LOSS. In farang culture, if the boy try to soothe your heart by money, you will feel more insulted and lost. However Thai rural parents accept its political social significance to show neighbors. No matter what the culture is, If the parents feel soothed by doing so, I think i have to do it by their culture.
What would you say, Colin ?

[colin howard]

hi AD,yeah theres some real MUGS out there ,i get a little tired of reading the BS put out by the so called experts on what you have to give her parents ,sisters ,free beer for life for her brothers etc, i don,t subscribe to none of that utter bilge ,and we,ve got as good marriage as anyone ,i,ve always walked on my feet not crawled on my knees like many of the spineless doormats out there ,life is what you make it ,and i don,t have to throw money around like its going out of fashion to enjoy mine ,regards ,colin .

[colin howard]

passerby,in my eyes if i,m picking up the tab she will have to adopt MY culture ,if its the other way round i,ll adopt hers ,i bought a 5 bedroom house more than 3 years ago 4 bedrooms were empty then and they are still empty today , its all down to how you look at life here in thailand and believe me there are no set rules on how you have to live it ,only for the spineless doormats who grovel to there wifes and her parents, in closeing there is no padlock on my fridge to keep her brothers from helping thereselves to my beers which seems quite the norm for many of the total weaklings who live here ,regards ,colin .

[Robert]

Colin

You expressed my feelings 100%. I have been married for 4 years. The only money I gave to my in laws was 5000 baht when the father put a shower in the house for me. There was never any Sin Sot paid although an attempt was made to ask for it. I regarded it as a rip off.. How many Thai guys can afford 50,000 or 100,000 baht to get married?? I consider it just another way to extract money from the foreigner. It is up to you to say, "No". I, like you, have given my wife the best life she ever could have. I love her and treat her with kindness and respect but if I ever get to the point where the money is the only thing that keeps us together than I am gone.

[colin howard]

hi passerby ,i think my 2 postings of feb 24 is the best answer i can give ,regards ,colin .

[a passerby]

Colin,
Everybody has own situation and faith and I dont object to it. However a handfull foreigners' value can hardly change the mass of a society. I have seen some cases, though isolated, and the alien husband (not paid sinsot) broke up all contacts with his wife' parents, at least him. Of course he has no way for his wife to make contacts with her own siblings. This generally caused her feel unhappy although she love and live him with full faith. In my view, this is unpleasant situation between the husband and the wife, always uncomfortable. This husband really tried to help her parents live by own by buying land and other ways to earn the living. Such cracking relationship can not afflict the relationship between husband and wife for long. Bad tradition is also a sort of tradition. If it is not serious, I would dare to choose it, only for my wife's comfort and happiness.

[colin howard]

passerby,i think you,ve got me all wrong ,i don,t want to change anyones live,s other than my wifes ,which has improved about 1000% since she met me ,{and she knows it} only too plain , the place were she lived before i met her i would not keep a dog in , do you honestly think i should give her parents 1 satang for giving her a lifestyle which is the envy of all her 5 sisters and indeed the whole village were we live ,tradition and all that garbage is ok i suppose but at the end of the day you can,t eat tradition can you,?,i know for an absolute 1 million % certainty if i asked her to choose me or them ,her parents and family would not have a hope ,but then again thats only me and how the other groveling doormats live there life is there business ,but sorry i want no part of it ,regards ,colin .