Am I being careful or unfair ?

[colin howard]

good truthful and well thought out post robert , but in a straight battle with whats between your ears and whats between your legs, the latter wins in most cases , colin

[Phanita]

I have search news here, then found interesting thing. It makes me appreciated that you are all compassion for each other by answering tough question. I am sorry for you, AJP. My sister has married 3 years ago. My parents pay for expenses on their wedding in a hotel. They did not ask for “sin sod” just did things as our culture. After finished wedding ceremony they gave “sin sod” back to new couple as a gift for starting new family. I hope that you will finally find the best way for you.

[alfred]

Thanks, Colin. I read so many of these emails regarding marriage in Thailand. Many of them are negative views of the Thai people. The Thai people aren't bad. These men writing seem to live in fantasy land. I've found being honest and speaking straight works as well in Thailand as it does anywhere else in the world. Also everyone needs to be treated with respect. Most of these men fail to recognize that the Thai families were getting along well before they showed up. I think that anyone considering marriage in Thailand has to understand that the Thais are living in 2008, and they don't need to be rescued. If the family starts seeing them as a cash cow then leave. I've found that the majority of Thai people are good people with some bad apples like everywhere else in the world. As a general rule don't accept negative behavior and don't encourage it by acting as if they can't live without you.

[Robert]

AD, Colin, Ian...
Your posts are very good advice.. Looking at APJ's posts I get the impression that he is quite intelligent and honest. He will sort this out to, hopefully, a favorable ending..

Ian, I particularly liked your comment, "Many of these girls, and their families are very, very patient and extremely long-term thinking." That is so true.. I believe (and have experienced) that many of the girls size you up right away... "How long you stay Thailand?" Than, based on that, they determine should I make my money grab now or should I wait, plan, and in the end really hit the jackpot. They can easily wait 3-4 years if they feel that at the end they are 700,000 baht richer. (Not even mentioning the support to the family during those 3-4 years).
Best Regards,

[Rooster]

Alfred. Well, said. On the other hand, I do not know whether it is true or not. Any men, who encouraged their children to be prostitutes or sell their bodies for whatever purposes, are not normal Thai tradition; these men have very serious psychological and social problems. These meant that they could abuse substances or other forms of bum. It is a form of severe social disgrace in every Thai community for family to intentionally encouraged their children to become prostitutes. These were common with the hilltribes when they crossed Thai border in masses and living in severe poverty along the borders after WWII. Human trafficers brought their children and sold them to brothels while pimps lured ignorant village girls and sold them to brothels. Now, they are obducting local girls and or luring them with good jobs somewhere.

[colin howard]

hi alfred , on this subject of thai farang marriages , i have NEVER blamed the thai for the farang being ripped off , just the stupid weak kneed farang for allowing to happen , check it out , regards ,. colin .

[Juan]

Hi APJ and others,

I’ve been reading this amazing topic for a few days. Thanks APJ for your sincerity, not many people have the courage to admit certain things.

I most agree with the views from Robert and Collin. APJ, I have a feeling that you will not get a better advice than that! I also agree with AD, in matters such as this it is better to follow a truly down to earth common sense advice.

It is appalling how "tradition" (the word makes me shiver) it is abuse and use as a passport to commit all sort of felonies. What a lot of BS! You set the rules yourself, base in fairness, self respect and trust and not in gullible and out of date believes that not even all Thais abide. Please stay well away the ones that pretend to show me the “rules”!

What I find sad in the story is the fact that you and your lady have been together for 3 years. And then after all this time emerged the question “money”. So it appears that in this glorious country you never can relax. Makes you feel very wary!

Regarding the future, it seems to me that it is extremely important that you handle this situation right. Whatever you do APJ; I wish you the best of luck. Juan

[SARDINES]

hi colin,

noted. in any case, APJ has received plenty of advice fom different folks on the matter with different views. The ball's in his hands now.

Whatever the outcome, APJ, I hope that you make the right decision for you and find happiness... whatever that might be.

rgds & good luck
sardines

[SARDINES]

hi colin,

"....but in a straight battle with whats between your ears and whats between your legs, the latter wins in most cases "

I'll be honest to admit that the above is the case for me every weekend after the 1st 3 glasses of scoth on the rocks.

cheers
sardines

[Rooster]

Yes, Phanita. Traditional Thai Sin-Sod is their for good reasons, and one of the reason is to measure the gloom's ability to support his family. I am somewhat surprise to hear that your parents paid for the wedding. Was he not ready to marry your sister and start a family? In the west, their wedding tradition is similar to the South Asia/Indian tradition... the bride family paid for the wedding. If he could not afford the big wedding, they should have small wedding at home instead. Than it could be that it is a matter of hi-so season, since the sin-sod was gave back as gift to the new family. I think nowaday, it is wise for parents of the bride to open restrict bank account with the sin-sod for their daughter and grandchildren. Because today, Thais are following too much of the bad western cultural fads... and the Thai marriages do not last like there were before.