Only foreign men?

Only foreign men?

Postby Niranan on Mon Aug 17, 2009 4:28 pm

After reading through most of the discussions on Thai-Farang marriages, one gets the idea that there are only foreign men who are married to Thai women. Are there no foreign women married to Thai men here?

I ask this because I am a foreign woman and married to a Thai (actually a Thai Chinese - oh yes, the ones that are praised to be the most zenophobic!). And I also know of a few other foreign women who are equally married to Thais.

Foreign men go on and on about their problems and their difficulties, BUT hello! We don't have it any easier! - Some man said it was enjoyable for him to leave Thailand every 90 days to renew his visa. How about a woman with kids? We can't just leave our children behind and say bye-bye and go shopping in Malaysia or something. Yes, ok admittedly we do not have show massive amounts of money, since in a patriarchal country as Thailand it is the husband's duty to provide for the family and women are supposed to stay at home. But at the same time, if we want to do it 'by the book' we also cannot even help our spouses in their family business since this is made illegal for us as foreigners.

For a Thai man to be married to a foreign woman, the Thai man cannot any more freely buy land. (He can, eventually, but only after massive paperwork, so his freedom is also limited - in a way he is punished for marrying someone other than Thai). And what about children and their nationality? Most women who leave their own countries don't leave them for good and want their children to carry nationalities of both parents. As what I have learnt untill now, Thailand does not accept dual citizenship, who are either Thai or not, no middle ground. So, for boys who need to choose in which country to go to the army it becomes very relevant. Thai law also says that if you have obtained your Thai nationality by legal means there is no reason why it can or should be revoked, but! One must always live under a shadow of a doubt. Because of these xenophobic laws as a foreigner I never feel 'safe' here.

So, are there any other foreign women there?
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Re: Only foreign men?

Postby khamala on Mon Aug 17, 2009 10:52 pm

yes, there are other foreign women here, but believe me, a Thai husband is the very last thing I wanted :)

there's a funny blog about an english girl with a thai husband (last entry was that she's back in UK, filing for divorce after losing a LOT of money haha, I think it's englishgirlisaan at blogspot)

good luck :lol:
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Re: Only foreign men?

Postby chingc on Fri Feb 19, 2010 2:20 am

Well, I am glad that I have switched from an English to a Thai man. If all Thai men were like my one, then a lot of women would be very happy. My man looks after me, cooks for me and treats me like a princess. :D

He has always shown his commitment, and is certainly not like the stereotypical image that some Thai men have of being womanising, alchoholic, gamblers with very bad tempers, and a couple of gigs on the side. You have to look at the individual and not generalise a whole nation. It's very easy to amplify the bad things in someone if you look hard enough. Also, you have to take into account educational levels when looking for a partner. Unfortunately some women have had a bad time when meeting some unscrupulous men who might be looking for a meal ticket. However, my man and I are on the same level educationally and financially, and I think this makes our relationship a lot more balanced. We have the same values and spiritual beliefs, which is a very strong factor in a successful relationship. Do not be scared off by reading those bad experiences suffered by a few women. Whilst I really sympathise with what they have gone through, the same thing could equally apply if you met the wrong English, American, French, German man etc, etc. :(

Just look at Apisit Vejjajiva, the Thai Prime Minister as an example of a great Thai role model for all men. He is calm, educated person who takes his responsibilities towards his country seriously and always puts other people first like my boy. :P
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Re: Only foreign men?

Postby narmtal on Sat Feb 20, 2010 9:58 am

I'm an Australian happily married to a Thai man, with three children and another one on the way. I agree that your happiness in marriage depends on the individual (or both individuals, rather), and not their nationality. However, when you go into marriage, it's a contract that will hopefully last your lifetime. So you can't really complain about the 'rules' unless you were too naive to look them up before you entered into the contract.

My husband is allowed to purchase/sell/inherit land with no regards to me. My children have the same rights as him. I cannot buy/sell/inherit land in Thailand, but neither do I want to. If my husband and I ever purchased/sold/inherited land in Thailand in the future, we would put it in our children's names and not ours.

We applied for dual citizenship for our children straight after they were born. When they need to be Thai, we just use their Thai birth certificates and passports. When we are dealing with the Australian govt, we just use their Australian citizenship by descent certificate (for the ones born in Thailand) or Australian birth certificates (for the ones born in Australia) and their Australian passports. There's a bit of paperwork involved, but no big deal...

One day they may have to join the Thai army, but we'll cross that bridge when they come to it. They'll be old enough to weigh up the pros and cons of both citizenships, and decide for themselves by that time anyway.

As far as visas go, yes, farang women have it much easier than farang men. We don't need to have wads of money in our bank account for one thing. And if you don't want to run out of the country every 90 days, apply for a year-long visa in your country of origin. Then all you have to do is report to immigration in BKK every few months. Your husband can even make those trips in your stead if you're pregnant and aren't up for the trip (as my husband did for me when I was pregnant with the twins) - you just need a medical certificate from your doctor. There's still a bit of running around to do if you want to stay in Thailand long-term, but in what country wouldn't you have to? My husband went through a lot more hoops to be granted a visa into Australia than I ever had to go through in Thailand.

There are other ups and downs of marrying outside of your own ethnicity: language and cultural issues, mainly. But instead of complaining, just weigh it up. Would I rather have an marriage to a man who I love and who loves me and is interesting and I never get bored of (and who is a good cook/doesn't smoke or drink/ works hard/ doesn't gamble and uses money wisely/ comes home to me every night and spends all of his spare time with me and the kids) and put up with minor inconveniences? Or would I rather not be married to him, and have an easy but boring life. I say: just make your choices and live with them...
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Re: Only foreign men?

Postby AjarnV on Mon Feb 22, 2010 5:11 pm

Interesting; I'm only familiar with 2 farang women married to Thai men. Both seem to be working okay. I'm male and very happily married to a Thai woman.
My knowledge of 9 farang men married to Thai women has an abysmal success rate. Three including me are successful after 6, 7, and 8 years. Six failed; most in less than 2 years. A Thai immy officer told my wife that most marriages in their district failed.
From what I know I would put the "blame" on the men; to a man; they met and married in less than a year and their partners English language abilities were almost non-existent and the farang men's Thai language skills were on about the same level. Educational differences were also extreme in the differing levels.
Cultural differences aside, I'd say the failures are for the same reasons around the world. A total fail on getting to know one's partner.
Thanks for this thread; very informative. :cheers:
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Re: Only foreign men?

Postby exposure on Tue Feb 23, 2010 3:21 pm

Wow, Narmtal very good story.

Not only foreign men their married with Thai women, but amount of foreign men married with Thai women more than Thai guy married with foreign women. Problem is not about nationality it's about each individual . We are just a human on the earth everywhere around the world have a good and bad people. I am sure many Thai guy want to make relation with foreign women, but they've a few or no chance to know foreign women, where can Thai guys find that opportunity to meet, talk make relation with them? (please tell :D ) other reason Thai guys don't have self confident enough and many more.

finally is depend on a couple
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Re: Only foreign men?

Postby joinfarang on Wed Feb 24, 2010 3:43 am

I am a Thai man and i 've got a farang woman. She can't get enough of me. :lol:

exposure, Why don't you go up and talk to them, and ask what sort of films she likes? That's how I got my woman. We love the same things. I love farang women, and I love to treat my lady like a princess. Thai women are fine but a little bit conservative for my taste. Farang women know how to enjoy themselves so don't worry, just wish yourself luck :D

Many thanks and best wishes to farang women all over the world. :cheers:
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Re: Only foreign men?

Postby SweetPea on Wed Feb 24, 2010 7:33 am

Niranan wrote:
Foreign men go on and on about their problems and their difficulties, BUT hello! We don't have it any easier! - Some man said it was enjoyable for him to leave Thailand every 90 days to renew his visa. How about a woman with kids? We can't just leave our children behind and say bye-bye and go shopping in Malaysia or something.


Don't compare yourself to them, Niranan.
Most of them are just the alpha male type and think the child caring task is the women's job most times.
Anyway best of luck in your marriage.

Do you have any problems with your in-laws or any sick buffalo yet? :D
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Re: Only foreign men?

Postby narmtal on Wed Feb 24, 2010 5:07 pm

exposure wrote:I am sure many Thai guy want to make relation with foreign women, but they've a few or no chance to know foreign women, where can Thai guys find that opportunity to meet, talk make relation with them? (please tell :D ) other reason Thai guys don't have self confident enough and many more.

finally is depend on a couple


Hi exposure,

I'm not sure how you could meet farang women in Thailand. I met my husband in a different country when we were both working there. I had studied Thai at university, so we spoke in Thai for the first 3 years we were married (until we came to Australia). I can tell you what I liked about him, and maybe you can keep it in mind when you meet someone you're interested in.

The first time I met him, I liked that he was polite and slowed down his Thai for me so I could understand. He didn't joke behind my back (taleung) like some of the other Thai men in his company did. Later on, I liked that he was forward and approached me (I'm old-fashioned and I like the man to be brave enough to ask me out). I liked that he was romantic and bought little gifts when he came back after a holiday; or wrote me letters; or made me a mixed CDs of love songs.

I also liked that he had his own opinions and didn't agree with everything I said just to try to make me happy. Most importantly, I really liked his values. It's so important to have the same kind of values as someone else if you're considering marrying them. If you have different values, it's so hard to agree on things like how to bring up your children, which will probably be a major issue for the both of you.

Try to keep an open mind and not to insult the other person's way of doing things, even if you're joking. For example: telling a farang their food is boring because it is not spicy enough will only be funny the first few times, and maybe not so funny after that (especially if they cooked it for you!).

The same goes for your partner: she should be willing to take her shoes off inside the house and not complain about it all the time. She should be willing to put on non-revealing clothes when she goes to your parents' house so they get a good impression of her, without complaining either.

Marriage is about compromise. And marriage is about looking out for each other. And marriage is about putting up with each other when it's difficult (like when either of you don't get on with the in-laws even after you've been very, very, very nice to them!). Marriage is TEAMWORK, so my best advice is to only choose a player you can stand to have on your team for the rest of your life!

If you saw a farang woman you thought you might like to get to know in Thailand, I would just go and talk to her. I wouldn't ask her personal questions the first few times I met her (eg. do you have a boyfriend?). I wouldn't ask her to help you with your English either, as she might think you're looking for free language classes. Ask her what she likes to do in her free time, and maybe ask to take her out somewhere to something she likes (eg. movie). I'd be careful at first not to scare her away, by telling her to invite some of her friends and you invite some of yours. Then she'll know you're not likely to be an axe-murderer!

Finally, if your family is nice, I would definitely invite her to hang out at your house. You'll know if she's right for you by the way she gets on with your family. Then she'll probably invite her to meet the people close to her soon, too. Again, if she doesn't know you very well yet, try to think of what will make her comfortable. For example: you could go and pick her up and drop her off along with your sister or cousin, so she doesn't feel nervous about going somewhere with you alone at first. It would be good if you had a reason to invite her over as well. For example: we're making a traditional Thai dessert tonight, and were wondering if you'd like to come and see how we make it. Then if she's a bit shy, she won't feel like all the pressure is on her and that everyone will be staring at her all night.

Hope my advice useful. Remember that even though I'm not 30 yet, I'm still a bit old-fashioned. ;) So this advice would work on attracting a woman like me, but it may not work on everyone...

Good luck!
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Re: Only foreign men?

Postby jitunohwar on Thu Feb 25, 2010 11:32 am

The Ratio is very less of couples e.i. thai man & foreign women.

Well educated thai men can choose their foreign partners at their work places or educational institutions. now these days it is not matter of strange at all in thailand.

But normally i have seen thai men r lazy,drinking habits,so many girl friends.

Forgein men ( mostly old age ) r comes here for sex tourism and they have meet BAR LADIES and married & start living in countryside areas as they don't have any family nor responsibilities at all !!!
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