Love can be passionate or non-passionate.
The passionate one is the deep feeling of interpersonal attraction, affection and attachment. It is conditional because the lover wants the other person to love him back in order for him to gain the pleasure derived from the relationship. The passionate is the id love for survival.
The non passionate love is unconditional. The lover gains pleasure just from his act of caring for and loving other. This is ego love that provides the reason for living. It has many altruistic components such as compassion, empathy, and joy. Therefore, it is also the superego love.
According to Buddha, friends are very important for your well being. He repeated on different occasions that we had to select friends carefully. If we met somebody who was good to us, do not let him go, for a good friend was hard to find. Be good to him and he will be good to us in the good time and bad time.
On the other hand, if we had the feeling that somebody was bad for us, because he was uncaring, /////, and ignorant of what love was, avoid him at any cost. He said, even though this world could be a lonely place, but between walking this life alone and lonely, and walking with a bad person, we were much better off walking alone.
Never-the-less Buddha emphasized the importance of friendship as illustrated by his dialogue with Ananda, his cousin and also one of his disciples.
Ananda once asked Buddha: "It seems to me that by having good friends and advancing together with them, one has already halfway attained the Buddha way. Is this way of thinking correct?"
Buddha replied, "Ananda, this way of thinking is not correct. Having good friends and advancing together with them is not half the Buddhist way but all the Buddhist way."
Actually one should not worry about not having friends. Good people are all around, just doing good and being good to others, one would attract good friends. Good people attract good people. According to the Law of Karma, when one acts as a good friend to others, one will receive nothing else but good friends in return
Life is the quest for good friends.
Once my father said to me that when I fished, I should aim at catching a snapper. I asked him how I could do that. He said to use shrimps as baits. I asked again how many shrimps I would need to catch a snappy, would that be a waste? He sighed and said: “It does not matter how many shrimps you used, because catching a snapper would make up for it!”
How can you spot a person whom you should avoid selecting as a friend?
1. A person who lies
2. A person who values friendship less than he values the money
3. A person who is mean to other
4. A person who does not seem to appreciate the good deeds you and others have done for him
5. A person who betrays others in the past
6. A person who does not learn from the past experience
7. A person who ingratiates you, but does not tell you the truth when you need it
8. A person who is selfish
9. A person who is stubborn and unreasonable
10. A person who steals
11. person who is a gambler
12. A person who is an alcoholic/ drug addict
13. A person who is sexually promiscuous
14. A person who is always negative
Last but not least
15. A person whom you do not like.
There 7 billions of people in the world why should you worry about a few?
This is the excerpt from the book "Household Manual of Psychiatry"
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