I am getting married

[cozza]

Villager,

I can understand what you are saying about the 'family' leeching from the loaded farang 100% and I believe 98%-99% of the time is the case depending on how and where they met. I would say this is vital information that may be stereotyping, but I would say that in certain circumstances, it is the upbringing and family unit that has taught the male/female to be of this nature. I also will point out that many western men find themselves poor Isan bar girls with little or no education exept for what they learn in the bars and their fight for survival. These men are the poor, door-mat, ATM's that we read about most of the time and this is what most of us 'foreigners' can only use as benchmarks or stereotypes.

When you say that you will not be an ATM for the wifes family, I assume that you know that they want to take advantage of you. You go on to say that you trust your wife.

Sorry Villager, but I believe that many readers will read your post and use it as a resource of how to treat their in-laws and wife. While I agree 101% (and have read many of the stories) that many foreigners basically think with their little head rather than their big head and end up broke, it is important for the genuine relationships and good families to be able to identify that which is an honest, good hearted Thai and in certain times they may need the farang to help and the farang reading some post on BP will think they are being taken for a ride.

[MTT]

In Thailand the BIG Man always pays. It is embedded in the culture. This is also how the big men can get away with paying the little guys so little money for their work. You as the foreigner are assumed to be the big man with plenty of money.

It doesn't have to be a marriage. Years ago I learned. A male coworker asked me if I wanted to go to his home for the Farang New Year. I was told there would be a big party. On arriving there wasn't much happening, but I found out the party was in the next village. Sure enough, about 7pm we all made our way by whatever means of transportation to the next village about 5 kilometers away. At home I would call it a block party. A stage was set-up in the middle of the road and soon an Isaan band appeared complete with the dancers who look like they learned their dance routine about an hour ago. It was fun - until...they ran out of beer. You got it, almost immediately people were volunteering to go get more beer for everyone, but who would pay? Without hesitation I was approached by drunken partiers and badgered into giving 'lots of baht' to keep the party going. 200 people and I was the only source of money (and the only foreigner). Well, I refused and I could feel the social disapproval of my action. No more details about this...just that I learned fast. It didn't bother my friends, but I definitely made sure I slept with people I trusted that night! Happy New Year!

So, to me it is a tradition, the big man pays. Question is, is it an honor or a burden? I guess it all depends how much money you have.

[Sean Moran]

In Thailand the BIG Man always pays. It is embedded in the culture. This is also how the big men can get away with paying the little guys so little money for their work. You as the foreigner are assumed to be the big man with plenty of money.

...

So, to me it is a tradition, the big man pays. Question is, is it an honor or a burden? I guess it all depends how much money you have.

Overall it probably comes back to the sort of social circles you move in. Do you spend more time with big people or little people?

[villager]

In Thailand the BIG Man always pays. It is embedded in the culture. This is also how the big men can get away with paying the little guys so little money for their work. You as the foreigner are assumed to be the big man with plenty of money.

It doesn't have to be a marriage. Years ago I learned. A male coworker asked me if I wanted to go to his home for the Farang New Year. I was told there would be a big party. On arriving there wasn't much happening, but I found out the party was in the next village. Sure enough, about 7pm we all made our way by whatever means of transportation to the next village about 5 kilometers away. At home I would call it a block party. A stage was set-up in the middle of the road and soon an Isaan band appeared complete with the dancers who look like they learned their dance routine about an hour ago. It was fun - until...they ran out of beer. You got it, almost immediately people were volunteering to go get more beer for everyone, but who would pay? Without hesitation I was approached by drunken partiers and badgered into giving 'lots of baht' to keep the party going. 200 people and I was the only source of money (and the only foreigner). Well, I refused and I could feel the social disapproval of my action. No more details about this...just that I learned fast. It didn't bother my friends, but I definitely made sure I slept with people I trusted that night! Happy New Year!

So, to me it is a tradition, the big man pays. Question is, is it an honor or a burden? I guess it all depends how much money you have.

How Much money you have?, personally I just think it boil,s down to "backbone" , I informed my future wife right from the start that in no way was I going to be viewed as a walking ATM for all her extended family , once she got the "message" our life together could not be better, this is the downfall of many farang,s who accept that it,s the "Thai way" , when my wife conveyed this thought to me , I just replied no prob,s marry a Thai then , she could tell by the look on my face that I was not jesting so slammed into immediate reverse gear, if you ain,t got the gut,s to stand your ground you have only yourself to blame for your own demise.

[Naive]

What you are missing is the answer you are looking for.

Someone to stop you from Marrying!
Got a cold feet marry stanger (That you called GF)

You are missing explanation that WHY you want to marry this girl.

Marriage is commitment for life time. Yes divorce happens but if you start thinking about it.

Don't marry her if you are not yet sure.

[villager]

What you are missing is the answer you are looking for.

Someone to stop you from Marrying!
Got a cold feet marry stanger (That you called GF)

You are missing explanation that WHY you want to marry this girl.

Marriage is commitment for life time. Yes divorce happens but if you start thinking about it.

Don't marry her if you are not yet sure.

Quite right Naive , but to be candid I can,t understand what the big deal is , you just have to lay it firmly on the line that you are marrying her, not all the family, once she understands this it,s a bed of rose,s if she do,s not , then its time to "move on" better that than a lifetime of being a walking charity organisation for all and sundry, of course if you have no self respect and prefer to be a "doormat" by all means ignore all the well meant advice and dive head first into the unknown, decide in haste repent in your leisure, LOLOLOL.

[MTT]

Yep. Rule number one: The Big Man Pays.

Rule number two: Patience, you can outlast the-don't-know-they-have-already-been-conquered. (Sort of like dead man walking).

To that guy who wanted advice: Good luck, just make sure you can accept the downside, too. (like a market investment, always read and study the prospectus before you invest).

[villager]

Yep. Rule number one: The Big Man Pays.

Rule number two: Patience, you can outlast the-don't-know-they-have-already-been-conquered. (Sort of like dead man walking).

To that guy who wanted advice: Good luck, just make sure you can accept the downside, too. (like a market investment, always read and study the prospectus before you invest).

Hey MTT,"dead man walking" eh, just had a couple of Buddie,s round and we all could,nt stop laughing , we,ve never seen that one before but from some of the "specimens" on view up here it,s a very apt description,LOLOLOL.

[stilljustbrowsing]

It is good to see that MTT is human afterall! Now the posts are getting interesting again. ( I hope compliments at a personal level are not infringing BP forum rules)
For some, getting married is volountary imprissonment, for others it is an absolute joy, each to their own I suppose.
Me? I am imprissoned in a world of happiness!

[villager]

It is good to see that MTT is human afterall! Now the posts are getting interesting again. ( I hope compliments at a personal level are not infringing BP forum rules)
For some, getting married is volountary imprissonment, for others it is an absolute joy, each to their own I suppose.
Me? I am imprissoned in a world of happiness!

Yeah for sure SJB married life here is what you make it , it,s been quite obvious to me for quite a spell that you,ve got it just about right .