Are there any good marriages out there?

[charleskirk]

My wife and I have been married for 34 years and look forward to the rest of our lives together.
Our marriage has been wonderful and we have experienced the same trials and triumphs of any marriage.
We are both christian now and enjoy working together in ministry as well as continuing to care for our children and grandchildren.
I would not change any part of our life together and love my wife very much as she also loves me and has proven so many times during our marriage.
We have two sons and several grandchildren with another on the way which we are looking forward to.
I couldn't imagine life without my precious Song and hope to continue together for many years to come.
The only problem we have is with the governments of the US and Thailand. The US is a hassle because we have to pay dearly to maintain her green card as she never applied for US citizenship and Thailand will not recognize our marriage legally even though she is now legally registered with my last name. It's all about paperwork issues and even the embassy people at Bangkok are sympathetic to our issue but can't do anything to help because of the immigration rules established after the 911 attack in the US.
I would advise to make sure all your Thai paperwork is in order to save the hassles of not having a properly documented marriage in Thailand. Other than that give your love and be faithful and your Thai wife will be as great as a wife can be.

[Ian Wensor]

I've been married (legally) to a Thai for 8 years and am reasonably happy... I've build her a house, given her a motor bike, a car, and a swag of untold extras plus money for personal use and paid off a swag of debts she'd incurred previously, however she steals loose change and money from my wallet whenever the opportunity arises and when confronted, she denies it ... I can't understand why ... Is this the nature of the Thai ying ... Could somebody please enlighten me ?

POPPY BEAR

[Ian Wensor]

I've been married (legally) to a Thai for 8 years and am reasonably happy... I've build her a house, given her a motor bike, a car, and a swag of untold extras plus money for personal use and paid off a swag of debts she'd incurred previously, however she steals loose change and money from my wallet whenever the opportunity arises and when confronted, she denies it ... I can't understand why ... Is this the nature of the Thai ying ... Could somebody please enlighten me ?

POPPY BEAR

[Vianco]

Ok, I've read all the posts and looks like there are a lot of men out there! I am a 29 year old Thai woman who is married to a 31 year old Black American man. We've been married for 5 tough but happy years. I met my husband on the internet because I felt like meeting men face to face was difficult for me. Anyhow, I hear all of you. The culture and expectations of Thai traditional parents may seem very imposing to someone from the US. My parents too expected these things, the money, the wedding, the endless finances! I chose to separate myself from these demands that my parents had. I am a successful business woman on my own before meeting my husband who is in the Armed Forces. The second my parents heard I had married they were furious. Then when they found out it was a black man, LMAO, they didn't know what to do with themselves. But I am happy, my husband is happy (least I think ) and our kids are happy.

It is not the "nature" of a Thai person to lie. Over the years I've observed and Americans (most) do not understand that when you marry someone from a poor country you need to understand that we/that individual has a mind set of SURVIVING. If they have been taught to lie, cheat and steal to survive all their lives these traights are not going to go away right away or ever for that matter. Sometimes the underlying reason may be that your spouse does not trust you or has an alternate agenda than you that you may not know of. Trust me this is most common. My sister is planning everyday for her husband's death and getting full access to his funds. And being around her and SEVERAL other Thai women the consenses is the same. Then there are those, no matter your culture, are pathalogical liars. I think Potluck just needs to divorce his wife. You are doing that child more harm than good. If you were really that doped up when you first met her you could have gotten the marriage anulled. Trust me, you could have. You chose not to and want to live ur life as a victim. Since that's your choice, stop complaining.


I am open to questions and relationship advice!

[Vianco]

Just to let you know that spending can indicate a numerous amount of personality traits. Being a Thai woman who basically grew up in the slums and now having plenty, it could be that 1) she's a woman who has bad spending habits like us all, 2)she's bored or 3) has no disregard when it comes to the finances because her expectation is that of many Asian woman which is it's not her responsibility. Let me clue you in on the whole Wat thing. There are two groups of people who go, those you truly respect their culture and religion and those that do it (especially living in Thailand) because if they didn't "what would people think". A Wat is like a Church. Their are true Christian and the ones that play Christian when the time is convenient. What will make your marriage strong is open communication and trust. If you can openly talk with your wife about the issue of her over spending and she's receptive then you have MANY years of happiness to come. IF you talk to her and she gets defesive you need to find out what the underlying reason(s) are. Trust me as a woman who's been thru many relationships to finally find happiness with my current husband, there will be an underlying reason. Best of luck!

The reason I started this post was to hear good stories of couples getting together. All of the bad things I have heard in Thailand I have seen here in the USA. I treat my wife very well but still now and then she goes over board on spending. As a family we go to to the Wat once a week. Maybe that is the reason for a strong marriage.

[potluck]

If you consider marriage like a potluck dinner your bound to those rules.B..O..U..N..D.Savor being bound for a round or a while.Life is short,you think?

[potluck]

I've been married (legally) to a Thai for 8 years and am reasonably happy... I've build her a house, given her a motor bike, a car, and a swag of untold extras plus money for personal use and paid off a swag of debts she'd incurred previously, however she steals loose change and money from my wallet whenever the opportunity arises and when confronted, she denies it ... I can't understand why ... Is this the nature of the Thai ying ... Could somebody please enlighten me ?

POPPY BEAR

I didn't like sending mine to the bank to make a deposit,only to find she bought an insurance policy with it ,which required a monthly fee.I didn't enjoy when she took 600,000 bt around the corner,for a down payment on a neighbor's flat.Saying she her sister's bf got some financing to pay the rest off in 14 days.Next day she says she lost the money, financing fell through,and no returns.Heck it's only money,that I can look the other way.To her,she should of thought of it as her future,if she thought she wanted to be grown up.A grown up with a child,minus 600,000 bt.Anyway,I would be glad if she took from my wallet and me not aware.She has child to raise later.She's also got a lot to learn,and along time to learn it.Be it hard though it maybe.Everyone else had to learn.

[techapichetvanich]

Potluck, you are either:
1. very unlucky to meet your materialistic wife...so my suggestion is get yourself out from this relationship
OR
2. you might be very calculative on your wife and child. Relationship is based on give and take. It takes one party to start giving, without hoping much for others to return it.
You should sit down and understand yourself and what you want in life, before judging your partner. I believe a person is not bad by nature. It is just a surroundings and everyday's life change him/her to react in such a way.

Vianco, I like your comment. I am a foreigner woman, married to a Thai man. It takes awhile to understand why someone lies and I totally agree with your statement about "SURVIVING". If you want to write more on relationship, please send to techapichetvanich@yahoo.com. I myself, I gave a lot, before my partner learns to appreciate and give things in return.

Sunny, I like your statement about Budha's teaching eventhough I am a Christian myself. By giving to others, you will receive back. It also teaches us not to look at money as the most important thing in life. It teaches us to surpress our own greediness.

[renew]

Hi there to everyone.. As this is an important issue in any society, I thought our experience on the marriage issue would be interesting, even though we have no "Thai involvement", besides the fact that we love the country and travel to Bkk as much as we can.
My wife and I are westerners, me 41 and European, and her, ageless and south-american, are now happily married for almost 16 years. we were quite young when we got married, which led to our advantage, as the learning process and the fact that we had to leave our youth behind, had to be accomplished by the both of us... we learnt lord buddhas teachings separately, me, when i was very young, and her well into adult years.

however, as it was put before, there are some rules to achieve the happily ever after:
1.) mutual respect
2.) talk about everything, specialy financial issues
3.) first the couple, then the rest of the family
4.) first the couple, then their children
5.) travel and learn
6.) the partners' wishes are the others' orders
7.) do not say no, unless it is absolutely necesary (the only thing I ever learnt from Puzo's book "gosfather")
8.) never discuss under influence of alcohol...

keep that in mind, and you will be as happy as I am...
good luck..
rene

[dennisfs]

I have been married to my wife for a little over 3 years now. We have a healthy marriage with one major exception. I am in the Navy and travel several months out of the year. She is so jealous when I am gone that it has almost broken up the marriage. When I am at home, I never, ever take a night out with the boys. I stay home play with the kids, clean the house, go on long walks, shopping trips, and you name it, I do it. When I am at home it's all about the family. The problem is when i am out to sea for a long time, and I pull in somewhere, anywhere, she goes crazy. I love my wife and respect her very much but sometimes it is too much. I used to think I could go out with the guys, have some drinks and call her when I am safely back on the ship. That would make her mad. Over the past few years I scaled that all the way back to coffee with a friend, back on the ship by 9pm. Still crazy mad...Finally we had it out on my last trip to Thailand. She knows she is wrong but has told me that I can be right all I want but I will still end up divorced if I don't do what she says. Even the other wives married to Navy where we live tell her to ease up, but no luck there. I tell her all the time that if I had the choice I would be home with her but I don't have that choice. What can I do? My marriage is a dream come true when I am home, but when I am out and about in the world it's like being in prison.