The prospective In-laws

[cadcolin]

Ok so i meet my dream girl who has agreed to be my wife
meet the parents got there blessing everybody is happy

been back in the uk a week and the prospective in-laws are now currently organising the society weddding of the century

my gf is crying all the time her parenst have gone completley crazy with costs spiralling totally out of control and im surposed to pay the bill

i understand its a big thing for the parents and they need to show face with this event

belive it or not the gf is happy with a simple cermony and is now talking about running away and getting married without her parents (im not that stupid as to anger the in-laws)

so i need help and advice on how to take control of the situation from a far

thanks in advance Colin

[taurus]

Ok so i meet my dream girl who has agreed to be my wife
meet the parents got there blessing everybody is happy

been back in the uk a week and the prospective in-laws are now currently organising the society weddding of the century

my gf is crying all the time her parenst have gone completley crazy with costs spiralling totally out of control and im surposed to pay the bill

i understand its a big thing for the parents and they need to show face with this event

belive it or not the gf is happy with a simple cermony and is now talking about running away and getting married without her parents (im not that stupid as to anger the in-laws)

so i need help and advice on how to take control of the situation from a far

thanks in advance Colin

Hi Colin , the big mistake many farangs make when marrying a Thai lady is not only do they marry her but the rest of her family too, If I was you I would listen to your "Intended" rather than her parents as It would appear she has both hers and your best interests at heart(good for her You are a lucky man) , the money wasted just so her parents can "show off " that their daughter is marrying a rich farang with a bottomless pit of money (all farangs are millionaires) would in the end be put to far better use when you eventualy set up home together,and if its her parents you are worried about (how strange) rather than your future wifes feelings you can always move to a different locality which looking at things maybe a good idea anyway ,as you maybe (like so many other farangs)will just be looked on as a "cash cow" by all your future wifes family , in closing NEVER EVER lend money cos you will really struggle to get it back,and if you do decide to live near your "inlaws" or should I say "outlaws" make sure your fridge is padlocked otherwise everything in it including your beers will be regarded as "theirs" and duly confiscated, best of luck .

[drake]

Ok so i meet my dream girl who has agreed to be my wife
meet the parents got there blessing everybody is happy

been back in the uk a week and the prospective in-laws are now currently organising the society weddding of the century
.....

A pretty nice wedding and reception for 100+ guests can be had at the Rose Garden (somewhere on the way to Nakon Prathom) for around $10K, I'm told, and much less out in the provinces but there are hotels in BKK that costs several thousands USD a night so "the society wedding of the century" is relative to who the parents are and where the wedding is going to happen.

Believe me, it's no different in the UK or US.
Crazy in-laws are everywhere and you are just going to have to work through it.
You might want to start by telling the parents the absolute bottom line budget you can spare for the wedding and go from there. OTOH, if they are the show-off type then you are scre*ed.

IF you choose to take the girl and run, she and you won't be able to return to that town for a very long time if ever.
You would be OK but she and the relationship may not.

BUT before doing anything rash you should go to the temple, have the head monk find you two a good day to get married on THEN tell him your woes with the in-law's wedding plan and ask him to say a few words to the parents.
That might get you somewhere.

Good luck.

[afarang]

Always remember this maxim:: What is mine ,is mine.What is yours, is mine also.That is the Thai way.Never ,ever lend them anything, if it comes back and that is a big if, it will be broken or damaged.Happy lathering customers

[aparasher]

I concur with drake. You need to talk to your gf and both of you need to confront her parents. I know that in Thai society "face" is a big thing, but you need to explain them that a good and simple wedding will be equally effective and saved money saved can be used for future. You can have a really good wedding for 100+ people for less than $10,000 in a vineyard around BKK. My friend married his gf in province for around $5,000 and used $3,000 for a good ring/gold. They made it a healthy affair and wedding was alcohol free. This saved them around 10,000 - 12,000 baht. Although, some people complained later, but most of educated people were OK .

So, key is to seek happiness together and face the problem together. I think your support will make her stronger as well.

All the best for wedding and future married life.

[taurus]

The Way I see it Colin, is to respect your future wife,s wish's and not her parents or family, cos at the end of the day it is her you intend to marry not them!, as for seeking advice from a senior monk ,what advice he could give you is hardly the voice of his experience in married life is it,and of course a "donation" will be expected for his"expertise" , the only person you need to sit down and have a serious discussion with is your intended, especialy in view by the looks of what you say your limited finances ,which on the face of things she wants the best things in life for just you two, as for yourself I ain,t so sure as you seem worried or one might come to the conclusion afraid of what her parents may think , Hey Colin the Sun rise's and sets all over Thailand not only in your future wifes Village, you should maybe bear that in mind

[cadcolin]

Things have moved on

a good thai friend of mine (known him now for 20+years)has had a talk with the in-laws

i dont know how he phrased it but basically he said to them if you want the big society wedding thats fine you pay half

now the latest plan by the inlaws is a small family wedding in their house and the cermony in the Wat round the corner

Taurus it not that i have liitle finaces it was all these grand plans with no idea of costs which was starting to freak me out

i.e 400 people in a formal sit down meal party at the centara hotel udorn (how much per head do i pay for the bar etc etc etc)

i skyped my gf today and shes much happier back to her old self now my thai friend is in effect my representive for the wedding

ill keep you all posted as things twist and turn

Thanks all for your advice

Colin

[Ian Wensor]

Dear cadcolin, You ain't experienced nuttin yet". I was fortunate in that I married my Thai wife in a registry office 8 years ago and didn't have a wedding reception because both her parents were dead however, because her brothers and all their extended families and indeed the entire village have well and truly made up for that, might I suggest you considered the following before going any further:

1/- After you're married , your wife's parents will expected her to look after them as they get older and that could include moving in with them or vice-versa and that willl automatically relegate you to second place.

2/- When her parents die, you'll be expected to pay for the funerals and wakes and that can be very costly.

3/- If you build or buy a house for your wile - you'll never own it because it has to be in her name.

4/- You won't have much privacy either... Thais thinks: What's yours is mine and what's mine is my own.

5/- Never lend money to your wife's family or friends ... you'll never get it back.

IF YOU GO THROUGH WITH THIS MARRIAGE, HERE ARE A FEW TIPS .

1/- Apply for a Marriage visa rather than tourist or retiree because you then only need a security deposit of 400,000 bt.
2/- Take out a thirty year lease on any house or land purchased in your wife's name so that, she can't kick you out like many farangs have been ... if things go belly up.
3/- You must realise that although married, you'll still have to do three monthly visa runs - which are a pain in the ass.
4/- When you marry, it automatically makes any previous Will and Testaments invalid.
5/- When you die, the 400,000 bt bank security deposit automatically goes to you wife and any lease becomes nul and void.
6/- Tell your wife you don't want people just walking into your house.Tell them to knock first and wait for a response.
7/- Tell your wife you resent being referred to as "you" or "farang" and want to be addressed as "loong" (uncle).

THE BEST ADVISE POSSIBLE: ... GET HOLD OF AN INEXPENSIVE BOOK ENTITLED 'THAILAND FEVER'....NO ONE SHOULD MARRY A THAI WITHOUT FIRST READING IT ...LEFT HAND PAGES ARE IN ENGLISH, RIGHT HAND PAGES IN THAI.

[taurus]

Yeah Ian,good advice indeed , If Colin decides to live near the"outlaws" as you rightly say he won't have much privacy as Thai's love to "camp" in your property especially if you have a big TV, so you have to " inform" them its not on , however you seem to have forgot about if he purchases a car or motorbike which they will expect to borrow and return when its running on "vapor" and of course any damage to it will not be payed for by the borrower

[i must be lucky]

Hi,
wow some of you guys must have had really bad experiences in Thailand - my wifes familly are the nicest people i have ever met.

They never ask me for anything (unlike my familly back home), they love to buy me beer (try getting any of my familly to buy me beer), they cook for me all the time (they even attempt to make me English food), they even lend me there car if i need to go somewhere far as i only have a scooter.

I really would not mind if they walked in my house with out knocking (they may be in for a shock seeing me sat in my underwear so they would not do it twice)

I really feel i must be a lucky man !!