From a Thai Woman to You -- All Farangs

[pianoman]

Yes everyone hears of the many Thai ladies who Scam Farang Husband's / Boyfriend's out of money... Unforutnately most people do not hear of the many more decent and good Thai ladies who are loving, caring and devoted partners for their Farang Husband's / Boyfriends..

And being from a small village has nothing to do with how a person treats other human beings.. My Girlfriend of the past 10+ years has been nothing but a Joy to be with and around.. Her family are all nice, decent people who have asked for nothing, and are very appreciative when even a small amount is offered to help them with some project or endevore...

As I have said many times "There are good Thai's and there are Bad Thai's, just as there are Good Farang's and Bad Farang's".... People are people and pretty much the same all over the world, and being rich or poor, Thai or Farang has nothing to do with that... It's all about how a person is raised and with what Values that person is tought to feel is important...

Pianoman

[wrsleo]

I have lived in Thailand for 40 years and of those 40 years I have been married 35 to a sweet lovable village Thai lady. It may well be that you are the exception.....From a Thai Woman to You--Farangs, but to downgrade village ladies as gold diggers is a racist remark. It is not only the village ladies but ladies all over Thailand that think Farangs are walking ATM machines. First words out of a Thai ladies mouth is "You Can Take Care me". It would seem that females are an asset to a family. They can be bought and sold at will as the family is number 1 and daughters must do as the family says even if it means a daughter has to sell her body to take care of her family. I have come to accept and tolerate many things here in Thailand but I will never accept Racism and Bigotry. We are all human beings no matter what are status in life maybe.

[rfhendrix]

I am married to a wonderful Thai woman who is from a small town in issan and her family is like gold to us. They have never asked for money though they are poor and when we do something for them they try to return the favor and are very grateful. We know several Thai/farang couples and most do not suffer from the "gold digger" problem but many do. I hear stories of farangs that have been used and dumped by their Thai wives constantly and I have met their Thai families as they show me their new house that the "sucker" built for them. The percent of success like I have experienced? My guess is about 60% in favor of a good relationship if you have gotten to know the family beforehand. Of course a long engagement is best with many visits to the family. If they are going to take advantage of you they will not wait until after the marriage so you are a fool if you detect a problem during the engagement and go ahead anyway. Please do not shy away from the poor villages because there are many wonderful Thai people there who are not after your money. The key is a long engagement with many family contacts and open eyes! Don't let love blind you.

[jamjon01]

Why is prostitution such a dirty word in most of the posts.

I come from a country where:

- selling, buying, smoking Marihuana is legal
- Abortion is legal
- Same sex marriage is legal with the same rights as heterosexual couples
- Permanently living together equals being married in terms of legal rights and privilages
- Euthanasia is legal (under conditions)
and
being a prostitute is a recognised profession. They are organised, registered, have a union, have right to unemployment benefits, pay taxes, etc. (granted, this only accounts for about 60% of them, the rest is illegally exploited by criminal cartels).

Here in Thailand the additional problem is that the image has been created that old men from Europe/US that can't find anybody in their own country, can easily find a young girl (or boy) that will love him forever.
These old sods are delerious, and they deserve nothing better than being conned out of there money.

Real love cannot be bought and that is what these guys are doing.

With having said these things above that are "normal" in my country I'm implying that my country is better than Thailand. It's just different.
Same as my wife's country (Philippines) is different than Thailand.
Different doesn't make worse or better, it just takes a certain level of adjustability and acceptability to deal with it.
And that's where I have a problem in Thailand. Foreigners here seem to be required to adjust and accept for 100%, leaving the Thai as it is. Believing in the evolutionary process as I do, I believe different. Yes, it's your country and the major part of adjusting and accepting should come from me, but it doesn't exclude Thai people from closing their eyes, ears and mind to some exchange of idea's from somebody who is from a different part of this world with different ideas, different experiences, etc.
Opening up to this can only make you richer (not financially though)

Ahh, significance of values in others means nothing to you huh? Everyone should be, think, and act as you do? You may convince a Filipina of that but not anyone that lives in freedom--freedom to think for themselves, act as they choose, and live in a 1st world country. Though I may agree with most of your lifestyle thoughts, I cannot see any value at all in everyone being same. Respect is all it's about-nothing else. As far as those who get "stung"? They brought it all upon themselves-Ignorance will never be stopped. Noone "stole" from them, it's just money man.

[dutchboy]

Jamjon,

Excuse me? Where did I say that values of others don't mean anything to me.

Did I say that everybody has to think and act like I do?

As my nickname might suggest I'm Dutch, we (used to be until a few years) the most tolerant and open for other identities in the Western World.

As for my Filipina wife, don't have to convince here, she lived and worked in the U.K. for 14 years. Don't assume too much please.

[dfull]

Dear Ladywhite,

First, I have not been back to Muang Thai since 1974; however, I have 6 years worth of wonderful memories from when I was there with the US Air Force at RTAFB Udorn, RTAFB Nakon Phanom and two times at RTAFB Don Muang. I also spent 4 months in Laos and that memory has REALLY stayed fresh in my mind!

I think you expressed quite alot of truth in your email but almost everything you said can be said about ladies from the Philippines, Vietnam, most of the countries of Asia and also of Europe....for that matter, from everywhere in the world. Having said that I'd like to point out that I was married to a wonderful Thai lady for about 20 years and have two incredible daughters and four grandchildren by our union. Sadly, I was the stupid one who thought the grass was greener and went off in a different direction for a few years. We are still friends...probably better friends than ever before. How did I meet her? She was a house maid in my barracks when I first got to Udorn in 1965! We dated, moved in together, I left, came back and we got married. I spent almost 28 years in the Air Force and she went with me everywhere except to Iceland. We spent almost 5 years in Italy and 6 years in Germany. She speaks very good Italian to this day and when we want to talk so the kids don't understand us that's what language we use! She's absolutely one of the most wonderful persons I've ever met....honest as the day is long....full of heart and works extremely hard full time as a fork lift/machine operator for a major beer company in Texas. She's grown as a person in so many ways and I admire her more than I can express or say!

Now this is to Lisa. Young lady....your Mom did what she had to do to survive. It's a fact of life throughout Asia and almost every other country in the world. She is to be admired, loved and respected! My final comment concerns your Mom's family in Thailand. Dear heart....it ain't just them that act this way.....this happens with "family" no matter where you're from or what your background is! It's just a little more common in Asia because although YOU might not see your Mom as being "Rich" or "Wealthy".....by standards throughout the majority of the world....she is!! And those that don't have....want and usually aren't shy about reminding family that "you owe us"!!

Learn to love what Thailand is. A land of wonderful people in an aray of colors, senses, tastes, noise, hussle that needs to be experienced with an open heart and an even more open mind! And I can't wait to return in the very near future to start the next phase of the journey in Muang Thai....the Land of Smiles!

[Dellboy 218]

A number of ''friends'' back in Blighty thought that I would be returning back to the UK with my tail between my legs withing 6 months of coming here at the end of the 80's. Well, I am still here and I am still with the same ''girl'' after more than 20 years. No, she isn't 40 years younger than me, she is a respectable 6 years younger and yes we have have had some rows over the years but at the end of the day it is down to how much both of you want it to work.
Nothing to brag about I know, I just thought I would even the score a bit from all the negative posts.

[surinfarm]

A number of ''friends'' back in Blighty thought that I would be returning back to the UK with my tail between my legs withing 6 months of coming here at the end of the 80's. Well, I am still here and I am still with the same ''girl'' after more than 20 years. No, she isn't 40 years younger than me, she is a respectable 6 years younger and yes we have have had some rows over the years but at the end of the day it is down to how much both of you want it to work.
Nothing to brag about I know, I just thought I would even the score a bit from all the negative posts.

Perhaps some consider it all a big competition, yes?

[metha]

I am Thai so here is 2 cases from my dealing with this subject.First case a Japanese friend ask me to find a potential lady to be marry to his friend ( Japanese).I did all I can which send them photo translate the introduction letter.After awhile the 2 Japnese men came to visit and meet the young lady for the first time. It was love at first sight. On their first date he don't know any Thai and she don't know any Japanese. They went around Bangkok and madly fell in love. She learn basic Japanese.They got married. More than 10 years now they have 3 lovely kids both are working. life is beautiful.
Next case. A realative of my girl friend ask me to negotiate a wedding deal invlove their daughter and an englich engineer. The Thai family is asking for 1 millon bahts and a house.The man agreed. They got a house in Pattaya.the girl got the 1 mill.Things got blowed away. He start drinking,she start seeing other man,he beat her up,she got pracnent by other man,finelly they devoice,the girl got the house the cash and new hasband and a baby, the man got drunk and still wondering what the hell happend this last 9 months.
The conclusion is love is the answer.without love the whole experience will be a disater.Becareful out there.

[laylek]

LadyWhite
I believe the vast majority of the bad stories from the Falangs about their Thai wife's are like listening to a spoiled child whine when they don't get their way. They want the "Girl of their Dreams" to be exactly and ONLY what THEY want her to be. They never really get to know her because they don't care. Being self centered can only get you a one sided relationship. They get what they deserve.
I have been married twice to Thai Women. The first was in the mid 70's and it lasted 11 years. We were young. We parted friends and I have a lot of respect for her. She has been married twice since then but has never stopped working....for herself. We were together for 3.5 years before we married. "That is what makes for a good marriage."
The Thai women I am married to now is the hardest working person I have ever met. We have been married for 9 years now but we were together for 4.5 years before we married. We became best friends long before we even considered marriage. "That is what makes for a good marriage."
Do I support the "Family"? Yes I do, but my family is my wife’s two children whom are now my children. They came to live with us 10 years ago and I love them dearly. "That is what makes for a good marriage." My son who is now 20 is about to start his 3rd year in college. My daughter who will turn 18 this month is in her last year of private school and will start college next year. We have a small shop that supports my mother and father-in-law and my brother-in-law. The rest of the (large) family lives in central Thailand and they all have their own incomes and never ask for money. I have the respect, love and approval of Great Grand Mom, the monarch of the family, and that’s all that counts. She is 96 and still kicking.
My wife and I know each other so well we often answer each other’s questions before they are asked. That is what makes for a good marriage. We accept and respect each other for who we are and have never tried to change each other. Well, my wife wants me to stop smoking and she would like to win on the golf course but that is the extent of it. My close friends whom have been married for 30+ years to Thai women are very similar in their thoughts. "That is what makes for a good marriage."
My situation may sound rare but I believe I am part of the silent Majority. I appreciate the love and respect I receive from my family every day and I try to show them my appreciation every day. None of us are perfect but we we know and teach that respect is earned and not given. "That is what makes for a good marriage."