From a Thai Woman to You -- All Farangs

[coloui]

Sawasdee Ladywhite

I am an Australian Farang who is now in the sixth year of a wonderful relationship with my Thai lady. Our home base is Central Thailand, we have lived in the North East of the Country and travelled most of it.

During our time together I have be introduce to many of my Thai lady’s women friends, who in most case seem to be genuine, this supporting your comments that not all are gold diggers.

I my experience, any successful relationship needs good communications, compromise and patients, when adding a different culture and language, these needs are most important.

From our early days together we have always communicated very well. On the issue of finances, once I explained and she understood the difference between “miserly” and “economist” we never had a problem.

Like you I have heard of and met many with tales of woe, but I’ m not sure if sorry is needed because as you say “they allow it to happen”. I think a good old Farang saying maybe appropriate advice “Look before you Leap”.

Good Luck Ladywhite

Coloui

[trisailer]

Thai women have a sweet charm about them, but they take marrage seriously and are more willing to be committed to the relationshI would like to add my experence to the conversation.
I have been married to a Thai woman for 5 years. We have a wonderful relationship because we wake up everyday working at it. Someone mentioned communication, compromise and committment and those are the elements that make a relationship great. I would apply them to any human relationship. The foundation that those things are built upon is honesty, integrity and trust.
Many farang are blindsided by the sweetness and do not make the effort to determine the underlying character of the woman. I did take the time to establish that the woman I was going to marry had an honorable character. It was easy for me to observe the facts of her history and the character of her family and mentors. We were togather for a year before we married and I was completely confident that she had the character that could make a relationship possible. I have a few farang friends who do not do this and they are married to women who they constantly fear. I hear many farang talk about Thai women as though they are a different human species, they are not. Thai women do have some cultural traits that are different, but at their core they are human and no different than women in the west in terms of their level of integrity. If you went to the average housing project or trailer park in the west and selected a woman without morals or integrity than your going to get what you asked for.
It is up to us to chose wisely and then manage the relationship that reflects the committment that we've made.

[germanguy]

I want to be very honest to my reply.

I was married for 19 years to a Singaporean and raised her 5 children. I was an extremely good stepfather and I still have a very good link to my ex-wife and her 5 childrens.

After my divorce I stayed single for over two years and moved back to Thailand.

I speak Thai and in general I have a good knowledge of the Thai culture.

Last year, I visited a bar in Bangkok and I full in love with a bar girl. I paid the bar-fine and got her out of the bar and told her that I will financially support her. I send her back to Issan. I didn't know anything about her and I visited her. She had a beautiful smile and I just was hooked up to her.

Later I found out that the started building a house with another farang who left because she couldn't stop gambling. I also found out that she run illegal casino's in Bangkok and lost at times 500,000 Baht a night in gambling.

She promised me in December when we had a small engagement party that she never gamble again and I took her by her words. Then a month before Songkran she started changing and I believe she thought it has to do that the big house was finally to 85% completed.

When I challenged her to her given promises, she got very upset and showed her real face.

I left her soon afterwards and my number one rule was that I don't want another bar girl as a potential livelong partner. I am not a sex tourist and have lived in Thailand for over 20 years, paid my taxes like any other expat but I was lonely, drunk at the wrong time.

Several months ago I met my dream woman in Issan. Smart, kind and a very small small family. The family are great and we actually have a lot of fun together. She is such a different person to the bargirl I met and she has that real smile in her face.

[kurt]

Since this thread is so long I doubt if my thoughts will be read by very many but here goes....I am an old man (71) and met my Thai wife on the internet. We've been married now for 6 years. And she is 15 years younger than me and never been married before. There are many many ladies in Thailand like her. They have chosen to remain single rather than have a Thai husband that cheats as a matter of their culture. Not all Thai men cheat but a very large percentage do. Not all American men are faithful but the large percentage are. She knew that and that was why she was interested in marrying an American instead of a Thai man. She was here in the US on a tourist visa and was visiting a friend in a nearby town. She is educated with a bachelors degree in English. (We both laugh and say it's a degree in POOR English). Anyway, having been married previously to an American, I can unequivocally state that the American woman was a big mistake and the Thai woman the best thing I've ever done for myself. What makes it work for us is that we both respect each other. That includes the differences. Her way isn't necessarily better and neither is mine. Just different and we both allow and enjoy those differences. Condemning an entire nation of women because of a poor experience is just plain stupid. Just as it would be stupid for me to condemn all American women. It is true however that most Thais think that America is the land of milk and honey. But they get over that when the see how hard it is to make a living and still have enough left over for savings. They then learn that what America offers is opportunity that they might not have available to them in Thailand. I was never asked for a Dowry and my wife has contributed at times to our financial health. I visited her family in Thailand for 3 months and traveled extensively around the country during that time. I have absolutely zero regrets and anyone looking for a wife could do much worse than to do that search in Thailand.

[eppy]

How can such a subject be discussed at all?
I do not see discussions about English women and their English husbands in such away..Or French husbands moaning about their French wives...It would be very silly. And I'm sure thousands of English men would not be making remarks about how lovely their English spouse is publicly on a forum ...As none of it would be necessary.
So why does this topic constantly appear on the net?
And why does the original poster automatically make blame on "The Farang" (who ever they maybe)? In an insulting way..which can be interpreted as racist.
And then out of the woodwork non-Thai men who have married Thai women say how wonderful their Thai-wife is and all the crap about Thai women are this and Thai women are that?

It's quite simple...Marriage in Thailand is a big business and Thailand loves to sell it's women so they can make money and make connections with foreign countries with visa's passports etc...

The fact that this discourse on marriage is even mentioned makes one believe that there must be some sort of conspiracy going on.

So many Thai dating sites..... So many Thai marriage sites

And with the cheek of it all... It's the foreign man to blame...As though the misses was/is completely innocent and had no part in the relationship to begin with. This is surely the true Thai-logic..Twist it all around..Get some Asianphile to agree and hey presto The Farang is at fault.

Let this be a good example to all you guys out there who want to marry a Thai...It's just not going to work....

[johnnyp]

I enjoyed reading this article. Thinking back, American troops fighting in WW1 and II Europe, including supporting civilians, fell in love and married European women. This happened in the Pacific arena also. Today couples meet and fall in love in Korea, Japan, and everywhere around the world where military and civilians serve and work. It's tragic when anyone falls in love, marries, and has children with a mate that has a secret agenda, finding out to late that your both incompatible. On the other hand, here in Georgia, in the good old U.S. of A., where not everything is perfect, I am very aware of American/Thai couples that are doing extremely well. They have each other, their children, and grand-children, and run a successful businesses. Is it a perfect union? Who knows, but they solve their situations. Another American/Thai couple, very loving, married for 44 years to each other, have their children, grand-children, and are also doing extremely well for themselves. Now, in contrast, in traditional racial, and culturally identical marriages (both husband and wife) you will also have failures. You will find failures in communications, sinister agendas, greed, selfishness, unfaithfulness, as well as other non-harmonious detractors. Selecting a spouse is probably the single most important decision anyone will ever make in his or her lifetime. With the correct mate by your side, you will be able to not only endure but have a great marriage, prosperity, and good health. Both parties should be mature, sensible, and not rush into a relationship for the wrong reasons. We all know what many of those are. So, I'll get off my soapbox now and say, Have a great and wonderful day y'all.

Johnny James

My friends, it's still a great day to be an American

[deville]

Sorry to be a spoil-sport, but it seems highly unlikely that a writer of this background would be so articulate in English - a few careless mistakes for versimilitude notwithstanding. Therefore I strongly suspect this to be the work of a ghost-writer or an old-hand of the female variety. I have no problem with the content, or females, or old-hands, I'm just curious as to why someone already using a pen-name apparently feels the need to misrepresent things in this way.

[surinfarm]

:D I enjoyed reading this article. Thinking back, American troops fighting in WW1 and II Europe, including supporting civilians, fell in love and married European women. This happened in the Pacific arena also. Today couples meet and fall in love in Korea, Japan, and everywhere around the world where military and civilians serve and work. It's tragic when anyone falls in love, marries, and has children with a mate that has a secret agenda, finding out to late that your both incompatible. On the other hand, here in Georgia, in the good old U.S. of A., where not everything is perfect, I am very aware of American/Thai couples that are doing extremely well. They have each other, their children, and grand-children, and run a successful businesses. Is it a perfect union? Who knows, but they solve their situations. Another American/Thai couple, very loving, married for 44 years to each other, have their children, grand-children, and are also doing extremely well for themselves. Now, in contrast, in traditional racial, and culturally identical marriages (both husband and wife) you will also have failures. You will find failures in communications, sinister agendas, greed, selfishness, unfaithfulness, as well as other non-harmonious detractors. Selecting a spouse is probably the single most important decision anyone will ever make in his or her lifetime. With the correct mate by your side, you will be able to not only endure but have a great marriage, prosperity, and good health. Both parties should be mature, sensible, and not rush into a relationship for the wrong reasons. We all know what many of those are. So, I'll get off my soapbox now and say, Have a great and wonderful day y'all.

Johnny James

My friends, it's still a great day to be an American

Your reference and romantic notions towards everything militaristic is quite heartwarming...

[phamous]

I have been married to a Thai lady for almost 40yrs and i return to Thailand as often as I can for I remember why I married her and where she is from I'm from the US and I fill most men are there to use and abuse the Thai women Those men dont know the true value of the women from Thailand those men are the looser I can only hope they learn to love like I ;love and my wife loves me Phamous

[dilpickles]

In the first 20 yrs of coming to LOS as a then youner man & a monger of the bar life, because I took the time to learn Thai and Thai culture. Had a number of girlfreiends of marriage material. But my unstable lifestyle of being an expat prevented me from marrying a keeper. 12 yrs. ago my life became stable, with good paying job, medical, dental, & vision benefits. I was determine then that the next keeper I meet I would marry. My present wife now married 10 yrs. didn't speak English or ever work bar. In fact insulted by forwardness to even approach her, when we met.
Long story short, we married, went to the U.S. for 4 yrs. & are now retired. Nothing has changed, she still enjoys being a housewife, spent her time the U.S. learning all things cooking, & is happy with our life. She come from a large middle class family, with everyone either working or in business. There have never been a request for money from me, though I take care of some things which might otherwise be somewhat of burdon.

My wife's parents got it right, 5 daughters, one other married to a farang, all married longer than us.
All above is not to say there are no bars girls worth anything more than the services they may provide. If you don't know how to find one you can never, no matter where you look.