Understanding the American ways

[Adam]

Dear Sucha, very well written message. We are glad to have you in our country.

[rad]

Thank you for everyone's response to my social dilemma. The website Dave posted was really useful. I didn't realise I am an introvert until I did the test. I know I am a bit reserve and do not like any kind of behaviour that deviated from the norm. I am not a chatter box but I am not too quiet either. Thank you, Sucha, for your posting. It woke me up to many things that I didn't think about. 'Being different' is one thing that you mentioned and I realise that all these feelings I have had started when I settled down here in Idaho. Everywhere I turn I see mostly whites and I began to feel quite conscious of my surroundings. As a matter of fact, I just don't feel comfortable. I would rather blend in with the crowd than being stand out.

My problem is mainly not about establishing a friendship as I do have a few good friends here and where I am now, yes they are white. My dilemma was usually at work when you feel you are being treated less than equal. From the time I posted the first message till now, things have changed for the better. I have now moved to another clinical site and everyone has been wonderful. Like Rob-Loc posting, every work place is different - sometimes you are treated with great respect but in another place you feel like you are back in the 2nd grade with a school full of bullies. I started to realise that now.

[Sucha]

Thank you Adam.

I just have little thought for Rad. I hope it would help her...

If you want to learn how to dance, dance.
Don't analyze.
If the audience doesn't like the way you do, blame yourself.
Not the audience.

Social interaction is no different.

[Adam]

Rad, I am glad things are getting better for you. My wife sometimes makes me laugh about being in a sea of white people. She says sometimes she looks in a mirror and is surprised to see she is not white like every one else. She has managed to fit in so well in our community. After I am in Thailand for a while I feel like I am one of the family, Recently we had some film developed and I was reawakened that I was indeed different then my family. The pics were of me and all the males in the family, my wifes brothers and brothers in law. Looking at the pics, it was easy to notice the different skin color and different size. I thought I was just one of them.

[Dave E]

“I know I am a bit reserve and do not like any kind of behaviour
that deviated from the norm.”


Rad,
Please don’t think of yourself as deviating from the norm.
70% of Americans are extroverted.
But that number can be reversed in other cultures.

Many intelligent and scientific people tend to be
introverted. Extroverts think outloud (sometimes without thinking).
Introverts are usually more introspective, caring, logical, loyal, and
artistic.

It’s also true that opposites attract.
Some people say it’s like finding the other half
of yourself.

Introverts are attracted to extroverts for exposure to the
world. Extroverts are attracted to introverts for
stability. A marriage between two ENFJ’s would
never work. They would both be out flirting, cheating,
and not trusting each other. There would be extreme
competition for attention, and eventually hatred or boredom.

Since you are in the minority, you are a very valuable person.

[Ian]

Oh yes it is. Social inter-action can be VERY different when you have such discriminatory anti-foreigner laws as in Thailand !

[My love for thai people]

I am Canadian and my father is a minister in Canada. I have been brought up with many multicultural people around me.

I also fell in love with a thai women. She came to visit me over a year ago and she tells me she loves me all the time and shows me in many ways.

I think the thai people are very positive people and adjusting to live in Canada would be an easy transition if you can speak good English. There are lots of opportunities for hard working Asians in Canada.

Go for it :)

[Aussie Dave]

Nid nov 21st..............Take my advice and read the book .THAI FEVER. its written in both Thai and English by a Thai/American couple.
It goes a long way to explain the cultural differences. It helped me immensly..................
Printed in Thailand by Paiboon Poomsan Publishing, Bungkum , Bkk.
http://www.paiboonpublishing.com

[ET]

Hello,
I'm thinking that you may be experiencing a general prejudice. You just need to find an area/city/neighborhood that is more of the melting pot where people of all cultures congregate. For example, southern california in general or Pasadena are areas that have many asian people living and working and you would likely find no shortage of friends.
I live in Hawaii and know many Thai and other asian people and we don't think any differently of one another. Perhaps you moved to follow your professional goals, but that may not be the best direction for you socially. I'm not very familiar with Utah, but my impression is that they are not no open minded as southern californians. All the best.

[koljule]

Idaho, is not exactly the international hub of the United States. You are different and that you should be proud of. American's are never sure what to say to someone who is Asian. It is because for the most part we have few things in common. The next issue, we know pretty much nothing about Asia.

My company and I send students from China to the US. I inform them of how to over come this problem that so many Asians face. I encourage them to join clubs. There are many in every city in the US. Then you will be with people who have a common interest. The next thing is to be friends with the people you go to school with. You can start a conversation by sitting down in class, look over to the person next to you and say.......Did you get your homework completed? Did you think it was easy or hard or long or borning. Then they will start asking you "Where are you from?" Don't assume American's will know. Most American's want to talk to you but don't know what to say. If you start the conversation then they will jump in. If you only smile then American assume your smile means you are shy and your English is not good.

No worries. Be yourself and take risks. You have nothing to lose but loneliness.

Hope things work out. Your American Friend,Julia

My suggestion is not to run to Canada, because you will find the same problem or worse. The French - Canadians who only speak French.