Sin sod and in-law

[colin howard]

well said ad ,but i doubt if you,ll get an answer from rooster which makes sense , thai men are well known up here in issan for being unfaithful to there wifes ,and having a mia noi is quite the norm all over thailand ,also many are absolutly bone idle and leave there wifes to do all the work while they sit down under a tree ,drink low kow and talk pure BS ,is it any wonder why a farang is a much sought after commodity ,big problem of course is most farangs don,t know this do they ,regards ,colin .

[Chang Nam]

Certainly some interesting, diverse and extreme views have been expressed. I think the references to the family "getting over it" are in many cases the Thai family being polite to not cause problems with the new son-in-law, even though he shows no manners or respect. None of the stories match my circumstances or experiences. I think a lot comes down to the social, moral and financial circumstances of the family that you marry into. This is the whole story and nothing else matters. There are good and bad in every country, and good and bad in every family. Perhaps, if I had married into a ratbag family, I would have acted differently.

We married a little over a year ago and certainly the bride price was a big problem to me in the early stages of our wedding planning. The whole concept of sinsod was as much against my cultural background as it was part of her culture. In her family's social group it would have been a major embarrassment for a daughter to marry without bringing a bride price into the family. I think it is how the matter is handled by the family, that makes it acceptable or unacceptable to a foreigner.

My wife was well educated by her family and always had a well paying job. She always had always contributed "Mother's milk" to her family since she left school and got a job. In our case, my wife and her mother opened a joint bank account and the 250,000 baht sinsod was placed in that account. We also made a gift to her parents of a portion of the wedding present cash we were given, and that was banked in the account as well. I paid for the wedding for some 300 guests but I insisted on some control over our budget so that I would get no nasty surprises and they controlled that part very well. I also bought about 30,000 baht in gold, some of which is for me to wear, not her. We have the gold in New Zealand and we pay a slightly increased "Mother's milk" payment each month, now she is not there to help with family matters. She works part time and contributes to the mothers milk and the housekeeping budget while she attends school to improve her English.

If we ever separate, she gets to keep the sinsod money. Because we stay together, at some point her mother will die of old age and the bank account will default to my wife, which in that event, means us. I feel that both sides of the family have had their culture and their pride respected over the wedding arrangements and is my belief that the family genuinely likes me and respects me. There have been no demands for money for any silly reasons. But as there are several children in the extended family attending university, we and other more affluent members of the family have all given money to help out. In our case the amount has been much less than some others in the family pay because my wife has had some expensive medical treatment and the family respect our financial situation.

I think that in certain parts of Thailand, many families consider the daughter to be a cash cow to be sold as often as possible for as much as possible. Many writers have had disturbing experiences with greedy low-class people. But then these people live in every country and I would not marry into a family like that in my own country. I certainly would not go to another country to marry into a "trailer trash" family.

The solution is simple. Marry a girl from a "Jai Dee" family and you will have no problems. The trick is, it is difficult for a Farang tourist to meet really good Thai girls.

[jordi]

who lie'? who lost?

maybe thai habit sometime exist sinson tradition... remneber law make about habits.. can good or no good...
but i think sometime sinson lie people..because a chat sometime thai lady and one say to me 500.000 bath and other 1.000.000 bath .. and i say to she: not exist poor people in thailand because i see in page real state in bkk can buy house nice behind to 2.500.000 baths and luxurios to 10.000.000 baths?

i think maybe thai lady thinking sometime farang rich ... i can writed one example..:

a) farand european are separated and have one or two child and worked? who in home care us child? ummm ... if i pay lady to care us, clean i need pay 600 or 800 euros every month ilegal inmigrated to care us..o.k.
800* 12 month=9600 euros... ok

can i think? i sorprise? nice lady young in thailand .. ok go to thailand marry pay sinson ...500.000 to 1.500.000 bahts= 25000 € maybe ok...

marry thai lady and she comeback to european country.. farang say sometime thai lady he not like have child becausae are tired, busy, dont like... ok

farang men have oldier child ( 10 years) and not need more time to care us to her child..tired to thai lady and after say to she: bye bye..comeback to you country alone, witchout money and oldier

who lie, what its bad? i think that its insult to familiy lady thai sell lady to sell items , who make bad? too ..... family lady thai and farang... only talk tougether for buy and sell and thai lady only see that and not talk about that...

if thai lady like find good farang tougether can talk about other think.. FUTURE FOR FAMILY.... how many child like have tougether, what make thai lady in foreiner country, if thai lady can have independece money, can open simple bussine in thaialnd and sometime can worked thai family to can help serfelf, what like life when are oldier?, when like study child?, etc, etc,...

too lie herself..thai lady and farang men
only like resolving her problem easy and easy think not exist.. care us for think easy

[abc]

Chang Nam, I am in full agreement with your view. It's quite unlikely for foreign men to meet up with the more decent and 'jai dee' family as you mentioned. Independent and educated Thai women has a different lifestyle. It's mostly between home, workplace and friends. Additionally, most of us do not see any reason to marry foreign men since we can look after ourselves and many Thai men can look after us (some even better than foreign men). Some families prefer their daughter to marry Thai men, thus ask for unrealistic dowries to fend off westerners. That's another thought to keep in mind in terms of middle to upper class thai ladies. In fact the diversity between lifestyles, background, status, family upbringing is too wide to make definitive statement about us women and our families (by that I mean stereotyping). Being a Thai women myself, I'm quite bewildered, that we are such a topic for discussion.

[AD]

ABC 1st ................Has no one told you that you are all so feminine and really beautiful. Thats why you are a constant subject of conversation.
Good luck with whoever you choose in life.

[maurizio]

hmm.AD playing the violin here..regards,mau

[Katie]

i dont know why this is still important because after married sinsod will be back to your married life anyway. but may be 1. they just want to be sure that you can take care of their lovely daughter's life after both of you married. 2. they want to show people that 'hey my daughter got rich husband' then they dont loose face

for me sinsod means nothing. only love me is enough.

what is important for married life?
love.

i dont want sinsod if i have to get it and lost the one i love later.

[AD]

Mau 2nd .................Don't get excited, you are not included. lololololo

[maurizio]

yeh AD,just amazed by your fine technique,keep on playing,regards,mau

[Pragmatic]

In reply to abc,i hope this does not fall under the sensors pen,so i shall refer to Common Prostitutes henceforth.It must amaze you abc as a well to do Thai,how Ferrangs wed these Prostitutes,take them back to the West,and ingraciate them into their Family.The First Step is a Lie,normally." This is Nim,she worked in a Shirt Factory in Bkk".There are thousands of Prostitutes in England,but No1 Son would not take a Brit Bar Girl Home to meet Mom.Could it be if he did,she might recognise Dear old Dad.I think my John Bull style,rests awkwardly on sensitive Thai Shoulders.