Psychological weaning | Bangkok Post: learning

Teaching with HEART

Experience tells us that as students get older, their parents and teachers gradually let go of them and expect them to soon fend for themselves. While this is necessary to prepare students for independent thinking and living when they reach early adulthood, I am inclined to think that this sort of psychological weaning has to be done with caution.

A mother and her son show off a picture of themselves that was among items on show at a photo exhibition showcasing photographs of mothers and their children at MBK Center on Mother’s Day. Soon, the weaning process will begin. WISIT THAM-NGERN

Origin

Like many other child-rearing practices, this too is passed down. In many cultures, parents and teachers were expected to fend for themselves by the time they were 13 or so. They expected us to do the same as we were growing up and now many of us do the same with our own children/students.

Let's examine the appropriateness of continuing this practice from a psychological point of view, with an eye towards significantly improving a child's/student's quality of life.

Typically, a child's life starts with close support and involvement from parents. At kindergarten and lower primary levels, parents are more than eager to frequently visit the child at school. Parents willingly attend parent-teacher conferences, academic meetings, workshops and social gatherings. However, as their children move up to upper-primary, middle and high school, parents tend to reduce their level of involvement.

Cause

There is a psychological explanation for why this happens. Younger children deal with easier subjects and academic tasks. Hence, parents find it very easy to handle children's academic tasks at kindergarten and lower primary levels. In fact, many parents take pride in doing kindergarten and lower-primary level homework and projects with (for ?) their children (under the guise of helping). They have no problem in doing this because their level of efficacy in handling simple academic tasks remains high.

As children grow older, the subjects they learn at school get tougher. Parents, not wanting to look bad (because of their inability to help their children with higher-level maths, science, language, etc.), expect them to take responsibility for their own learning.

This coincides with the fact that children at these later ages are expected to take care of themselves in other areas, such as personal hygiene, play, and time management. Most parents possess little or no efficacy when it comes to helping their children with the more-demanding academic tasks.

Hence, the process of psychological weaning does not happen solely because parents/teachers want their children/students to become independent, functional members of their school and or society. Rather, it is a way - at least in part - for parents/teachers to preserve their image as persons who are supposed to know more than the child. As a result, children suffer the consequence of a lack of support and involvement by parents/teachers at a time when they are frequently needed the most.

Striking a balance

Against a psychological backdrop, independence is not taught by letting someone go completely. Effective parenting and teaching is knowing how to strike a balance between letting go and sincerely supporting the youngster at the same time. It is a huge misunderstanding that as children grow older, they do not need the involvement of parents and teachers in their growth and development, be it academic or otherwise.

In fact, the same amounts of attention, support and involvement are required throughout schooling - and they may even extend to college or university. While the forms of support and involvement may change over time, they are in great demand throughout an individual's life.

What matters

What parents and teachers need to understand and accept is the fact that providing support and getting involved are not merely reflected in helping their children/students with academic tasks. Contrary to this belief, and from a child's/student's perspective, the most important thing is for parents/teachers to simply be there for them - physically, academically and emotionally!

Tell us what you think about this article

Like dislike 0 people liked / 0 people disliked it

Share this article

0

0

• More +

• Republishing permission
• Print this

Bangkok Post online classifieds

Try buying & selling goods and properties 24/7 in our classifieds which has high purchasing power local & expatriate audience from within Thailand and around the world.