With Trump setting his sights on building a gigantic wall across the US border to keep out illegal immigrants, Clinton fighting to be the first female president and Cameron scratching his head over the Brexit biscuit, what is currently on our leader's mind, you might ask? Why, setting up a re-education camp for frequent government critics, of course.
It's baffling, really, why there are so many individuals who can't seem to wrap their heads around the fact that criticising the government is a huge no-no and that any form of a hand signal (aside from the obligatory peace sign for selfies) will never go unnoticed. And we can't have that, can we?
Since the junta has remained rather vague about what sort of activities are on the timetable for these mavericks and frequent free-speech makers, Guru is more than happy to lend our creative mind to help draw up (entirely from our imagination, and all for innocent fun) the kind of "lessons" this education institution might include.
1. Association 101
It's expected that repeat offenders would be reluctant at first to nod their heads along with anything being taught here. After all, this is not your average summer camp. What they might begin with is a class to readjust their attitude towards certain ideologies; one where they can forget what they already know and re-learn to associate what's good and what's evil, correctly.
2. Censorship Class
Once they have been reconditioned, they should be ready to help the government out by scanning and censoring any material that might damage the image of our beloved country or taint the innocent minds of model citizens. In this session, they will scour the internet, social media sites and mobile messenger apps, keeping an eagle eye for negative comments (offensive emojis and stickers included) and report back.
3. Holiday Research
Not every activity at the camp is tedious though. In this particular class, they will get to go through the yearly calendar and examine which normal weekends could be turned into long holidays. It's not all about bans and restrictions here, it's also about giving back to the society and helping the government raise the already- nearly-100% happiness index of the population. Yes, because holidays are the cure to all problems.
4. Songwriting Session
Every educator knows that it's also important to engage in the creative aspect of learning, too. So, how about a session that'll bring out the inner musician and lyricist in everyone? Jingles and song never fail to bring people together, especially ones being played constantly on all the channels of the radio. Justin Bieber, move aside. Clearly, the junta's Return Happiness to Thailand and Because You Are Thailand top the charts here. They're just so catchy.
5. Introduction to law
Another vital aspect of being a model citizen is to understand how little power you actually have and to familiarise yourself with the concept of getting put in the naughty bin every time you decide to voice your deviant opinion. Now, it might seem a little extreme, but nothing is impossible -- especially when we heard that anyone who doesn't nod their head along with the referendum may face up to 10 years imprisonment.
6. Phys Ed
Following Ratchanok "May" Intanon's epic win, becoming world number 1 and gifting the entire country with the happy news, it won't be long until the government starts pushing for more Thai athletes to compete in various sporting events. Physical education should, therefore, be a compulsory part of the camp. Not only will it encourage hard work and discipline, but it'll also provide the chance of playing some sport with the premier himself in front of a lot of cameras. Now that's a privilege money can't buy.
