The high-ceilinged lobby plays tricks of scale; everything seems Alice in Wonderland odd and Gulliver's Travels large. Guests sip tea in giant chairs, staff wander amongst oversized flora and fauna, and everywhere there is art. Big art, like the 10-foot tall traditional Thai drums outside their Sra Bua by Kiin Kiin restaurant. It all adds up to a surprisingly subtle yet impressive effect, as entering a lobby should feel like an event or a passage to somewhere other: a place for escape, for relaxation, or for gorging on international cuisine.
Siam Kempinski Hotel Bangkok is a mere four years old, and run by the venerable old German brand Kempinski. Due to its fanciness some labour under the impression that outside guests are not free to wander in and enjoy the three restaurants. Not the case; it has that desirable balance of an exclusive property with an inclusive outlook. Anyone can saunter around and this cool season the best place to saunter to is the garden for Brasserie Europa's barbecue dinner.
In place of the former lotus pond of the royal palace is a sinuous swimming pool that snakes around the trees and pool-access Cabana Rooms, and the venue for the buffet is the terrace where you're never far from the water. Executive Chef Petr Feher has been cooking, grilling and doing all manner of chef things for nearly a quarter century and is the culinary mind behind Brasserie Europa.
Brasserie Europa is one of the three restaurant choices here, tucked away behind the malls of central Bangkok, and there are several ways to approach the hotel. Your cab could sneak behind Siam Discovery or your driver could turn in from Rama I Road, but the best way is to complete your Paragon Christmas shopping and then use one of the two entrances in the north wing of the mall which connect directly to the lobby. And the best way to find those entrances is, in our experience, to ask directions from the elderly chap working as a Paragon security guard, campily clicking around the mall on polished Cuban heels and wearing a slash of red lipstick. Only in Thailand.
On entering the hotel's garden you'll see a little boatful of imported meats on ice which can be picked through and thrown on the barbie by the chef. The lamb is a highlight, relieved to be freed from the icy boat and granted asylum above the hot coals of the grill. The buffet centrepiece is the display of seafood treats relaxing in the cool penumbra of the ice sculpture and there's no small pleasure in dismantling it like a Viking pillager. Viking appetites for alcohol can be sated also, with free flow on selected boozes an extra option.
As I was perusing the buffet and marvelling at the whole king crab resting above the display - its knurled and spiked limbs stretching out as if inviting a round of applause, its tiny black eyes peering into the night sky - a passing waiter remarked that it was "just a baby." Well, if this beast was a child, I wouldn't like to meet the parents, especially if they were demanding to know who ate their delicious offspring.
And it was delicious. In fact, were the crabs to have any idea how expertly Chef Petr would prepare them, they'd be leaping out of the Alaskan waters into the fisherman's nets. The Atlantic Salmon would be swimming up the Chao Phraya and into Klong Saen Saeb just to get closer to the chef. And the rock lobsters, fine de claire oysters and other treats would be sneaking into luggage for flights to Suvarnabhumi.
So far so international, but what of guests who hanker for authentic local sustenance? The Kempinski garden has its own som tam vendor, but instead of a toothless old crone who ignores your requests for "spicy nit noi" and "no MSG, khap," there's a smart young chef who'll grind his pestle in precisely the way you desire.
The dessert station is a rainbow of options which look so appealing we are almost tempted to reverse the entire meal and employ a fistful of macaroons as a starter. As tempting as that is, the resulting review would read like a Christopher Nolan script of confusing time-trickery. But, as this is a buffet, you have the foodie freedom to "do what thou wilt", as Aleister Crowley would say. Crowley would no doubt delight in the mango and sticky rice, allowing the ensuing drowsiness transport him to an occult dream-state.
The dinner, complimented by free-flow non-alcoholic beverages, comes in at1,800B++ per person and 900B++ for children aged 6 – 12. The unlimited alcohol beverage package (limited menu) is available with an additional charge of 850B++ per person. The buffet is available every Thursday, Friday and Saturday until the 31st of January, so starve yourself at the beginning of the week before you head out to pillage. Reservations are recommended to avoid marauding Christmas hordes.
SIAM KEMPINSKI HOTEL 991/9 Rama I Road. To reserve, Tel. 02-162-9000 or email fb.siambangkok@kempinski.com
