Patriarchal protectors

To celebrate Father's Day, Life speaks to dads of three disabled children about how they regained the strength needed to lead the family through the ordeal

The strength to carry on

Kittanesh Peneakchanasak and Nitcharee "Nong Than" Peneakchanasak

Kittanesh Peneakchanasak said he had always taken exceptional care of his two children, particularly his daughter Nitcharee "Nong Than" Peneakchanasak, the 18-year-old who made headlines three years ago following a train accident in Singapore in which she lost both legs. 

"No matter how late I came home, I would always visit her and touch her forehead, just to make sure she wasn't feverish. If there was a mosquito, I would not leave the room until I got rid of it. That's how much I cared about Than," said the 60-year-old father.

Nong Than fell onto to the tracks of Ang Mo Kio MRT station as a train was approaching on April 3, 2011 and lost both legs when the train hit. Kittanesh was devastated by the news, but knew that he had to regain composure and remain strong as he knew it was no time to be sad.

"I was very shocked, but later I felt that what is done is done. The most important question was, what next? First, I asked her aunt, who was a retired nurse, to go see her in Singapore, while I made sure my wife was fine. She cried for hours and it took her almost a year to feel better," he recalled.

When he first saw his daughter without her legs, he remembered her having tears in her eyes.

"I asked her why she was crying and she said she felt bad about making me feel bad. I told her that it was not her fault and that accidents can happen to anyone. It didn't matter that she lost her legs — she could always use mine. I told her she could sit on my shoulders and I would take her wherever she wanted. That stopped her tears and brought a smile to her face," recalled Kittanesh.

It was definitely a painful time for the Peneakchanasak family, but Kittanesh said they made it through because of Than's remarkable courage and positivity.

"I was with her all the time and never left her side when she was in hospital in Singapore. She was in a lot of pain and I could not sleep at all for over three weeks. She felt my pain, too. One night, she asked me why I looked so stressed. I said it was because I did not want to see her in pain," he said

Her response surprised him. Than, only 14 years old at the time, simply told her father: "I am not in pain. Now you can sleep." The fact that she thought about her father's suffering before her own pain was enough to fill her father with happiness. That was when he realised that the legs she had lost were not as important as the courageous heart that she still had.

Now, three years after the accident, Kittanesh believes it was, in fact, destiny and that it happened for a good reason and talks about the experience with admirable optimism.

"Than is so strong and I think that the accident happened so that she could empower others through her strength. So many people came to visit her, including total strangers who heard about her from the news. I always told her that her strength was so powerful that it affected others," said Kittanesh.

While having no legs is not easy, Kittanesh always reminds his daughter that everyone is born without the ability to walk.

"I always tell my daughter that babies can only walk well after years of practice, and that she should do the same. I encourage her to exercise her thigh muscles, so that one day, when artificial legs are ready, she may walk again. I always say to her that even the most advanced and most expensive artificial legs would be no use if she doesn't try."

Today, Than is a high school student with great grades, a popular girl among her peers, and an occasional motivational speaker. Her father was right — it's not what she's lost that makes her stand out, it's what she still has — her powerful optimism.

- Napamon Roongwitoo

The guidance to drive forward

Chaiyanan Thainiyom and Rungroj Thainiyom

When Chaiyanan Thainiyom first laid eyes on his baby boy Rungroj’s tiny disfigured body, he knew right away that his role as a father would take on a whole different meaning. 

Having always been a hands-on dad with his healthy-born first son, the police lieutenant colonel was initially overwhelmed when doctors diagnosed his second son with muscular dystrophy, a condition marked by progressive weakness and degeneration of the skeletal muscles.

After the reality of what he was up against sank in, 55-year-old Chaiyanan promised himself that he would do the best to ensure Rungroj lived an independent and productive life.   

With love, dedication and lots of sacrifice, the devoted father helped his disabled son to clinch the coveted gold medal in table tennis at the London 2012 Paralympics.

Getting to that point, however, was anything but easy. As the family’s financial condition was unstable at the time, a handful of social service agencies suggested he give Rungroj up for adoption.

“I declined their offer because I knew that as a police officer my family was entitled to free health care at government hospitals,” said Chaiyanan.

“Rungroj is sort of a miracle baby because when my wife was six months pregnant, she had a miscarriage after falling from a motorcycle taxi. Ever since he came into this world I did not give up hope on him. To offer him the best medical services I consulted the finest in the country and he underwent a series of operations that finally allowed him to walk unassisted and have better control of his arms.”  

When the aspiring table tennis ace started school, his protective dad was there to direct him every set of the way. Although the father and son are, and have always been, inseparable, the doting dad recalls that Rungroj has always been independent. 

“Rungroj walks with a limp, but he can get from one point to the next without people having to carry him or push him in a wheelchair. As a father, I feel very happy to see him independent,” said Chaiyanan, who admitted that his biggest worry since Rungroj’s birth was that he not become a burden on society.

“However, what hurts me the most is when people call my son all sorts of derogatory names because of his appearance. Society can be so cruel, so I have always encouraged my son to be positive and opt to see the brighter side of life. I often advised him to channel all his frustration into sports.”

It was during one of Rungroj’s lower moments as a student that he found playing table tennis helped him release pent-up stress. It was then that Chaiyanan noticed the enormous potential his son had for the sport. At age 12, Rungroj was recruited to play for the national table tennis team for the disabled.   

In the next decade that it took to prepare his son for the Paralympics, Chaiyanan borrowed about a million baht from friends and family to help Rungroj compete at tournaments. He was constantly in debt during this entire period, however, this was not the biggest hurdle he had to face as a father. For Chaiyanan, the most difficult thing is when he hears people call his son names. At these moments, he is resolute to not show Rungroj that he is upset and instead cries in private. 

Asked if he had any wisdom to share on Father’s Day, Chayanan said: “When you bring a life into this world, you are duty-bound to see that they grow up emotionally strong enough to face a hostile world. Fathers have to play a greater role in the lives of their children. The focus should not be on earning a child’s love through material gifts, but rather through activities that can bring the two of you together.   

“For fathers of physically and mentally challenged children, this is even more difficult to accomplish. One has to be careful to not be overprotective. They have to learn to be as independent as they can.  “For Rungoj, I allowed him to use public transport because he wished to do so. However, in the beginning, I followed the bus on my motorcycle. As he is 27 now, I allow him to decide what he wants to do. However, I am always nearby if he wants to consult with me.” 

- Yvonne Bohwongprasert

The prioritising of what’s important

Visut Songsathitsakul and Sirichay Songsathitsakul

If a man trades a big house for a cramped condominium, a good salary for zero pay and an exciting career for a monotonous stay-at-home life, all for his sick daughter, it probably means that he is one hell of a father.

But for 42-year-old Visut Songsathitsakul, who has a child that was born disabled, he is only doing what is natural to him.

“If you have a child like mine, you have to forget about your own life,” Visut said. “Because if you just think about your own, you won’t be able to see your child’s.”

Visut’s change in focus began when he noticed that his seven-month old baby girl was unable to perform physical tasks like other babies of the same age. As trepidation started to form, he took his daughter to see scores of doctors in search of a diagnosis on her condition.

His fears were confirmed upon discovering she had a disease that meant she might not even make it past infancy.

His daughter, Sirichay Songsathitsakul, has Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA) Type I, the most severe type of a hereditary disease characterised by a missing of certain nerve cells in the spinal cord. Babies with this incurable disease often die from a respiratory breakdown within the first two years.

After receiving the worst news a parent could hear, Visut had no choice but feign nonchalance — averting negative thoughts to find comfort and taking on his leadership in the family instead of letting it eat the whole family alive.

“The doctors told me everything, but I was just not interested in taking it all in,” Visut said. “My family had to move on.”

Sirichay proved strong however and made it through her first four years with only  common childhood ailments and gradual physical development, compared with that of non-disabled kids.

Visut tried to raise his daughter almost like she did not even have the disorder. Seeing his daughter outlive her life expectancy and seemingly defy her fate, Visut revealed that he did actually sometimes forget that his daughter was sick.

“I never talked about flaws with my daughter,” he said. “I wanted her to feel special.” One day, however, Sirichay had to be admitted to ICU when it was discovered she had a symptom of pneumonia, which is even more serious when contracted with SMA. She was hospitalised for nearly a month and after that, a series of lung inflammations continued to flare up until she was six.

The last episode in Sirichay’s on-off ICU ordeal was different — almost fatal. Having witnessed the pain his daughter was undergoing, Visut suddenly realised that he did not want anything else besides his daughter to get better.

“I started asking myself why I would be trying to make money when I should give the most importance to my daughter,” he said.

Visut quit his job as a marketer and became a full-time stay-at-home father to take care of his daughter as well as his son who was also recently born with SMA Type III, the mild type.

The family later had to move into a small condominium after the bank took the house when Visut couldn’t keep up the instalments. His wife went back to work.

Since the majority of Visut’s responsibilities shifted to his child, there has never been a day the dad and the daughter have been apart.

Visut confessed that although there are times when he feels like the whole world is on his case and he needs to take a break, he always finds his way home to his daughter after a brief cooling-off moment or two. “It’s not a lie when I say that this is real happiness,”

Visut said. “Now I don’t want anything else apart from a family filled with conversation, laughter and smiles.” Sirichay is now 10 years old and to say that she feels gratitude to her father, the one who has traded everything for his daughter’s life, is probably an understatement.

“A doctor used to ask me what medical equipment I have at my home for my daughter,” Visut said. “I replied, ‘the equipment is me’.” 

- Duangphat Sitthipat