They say when making New Year’s resolutions, you should keep them relatively simple, somewhat achievable, and concentrate on one thing at a time. Not to be left out,
Bangkok is indeed making a few resolutions of her own and, blimey, what a long list it is. For 2015, she’s attempting to do more clean-ups, get rid of corrupt officials, train her people to be better drivers and somehow transform herself into a hospitable city where tourists don’t have to fear aggressive police body searches. We round up Bangkok’s New Year’s resolutions — let’s see if she can keep any of these up at least until there’s another coup.
EAT BETTER
One of the most common resolutions, eating better usually consists of consuming more vegetables, less sugar and finally figuring out how to back away from that pint of ice cream. And we know how easy it is to stray. It only takes one bar of chocolate and you’re out. With more restaurants and cafes planning to open this year, along with the arrival of international chefs and big names like Joel Robuchon, we think eating healthy in Bangkok will be harder than ever. After all, wheatgrass and margarine aren’t exactly Michelin-star material.
GO GREEN(ER)
Bangkokians will be able to enjoy more “green” days and eco-friendly spaces as this year will see new bicycle paths being put in place next to the Chao Phraya River along with more car-free days to lessen traffic congestion and promote the alien concept of carpooling. But what of the public buses and taxis that still emit black clouds of smoke, or the rubbish-filled khlongs and rivers that people still think are OK to throw waste in like it’s the 1800s? Well, they’re all in the works as well, we hope.
QUIT SMOKING (HOOKAHS)
According to some, cold turkey is the best way to give up smoking. And what better time to quit, now that hookahs and electronic cigarettes are banned in the Kingdom. Feared for their “addictive” qualities, the Ministry of Commerce has placed a ban on all imports and sales. We’re expecting to see flyers advertising support groups and new treatments for those struggling with water-pipe withdrawal syndrome in no time.
GET MORE LIKERS, FOLLOWERS & TOURISTS
Remember those days when our City of Angels made it on the list of “the most Instagrammed places” or the “most visited” destination in Asia? And now look at us. We’re on high-alert watch from countries that used to provide us with all the tourists who eventually ended up extending their stays to the point that doing visa runs became their favourite pastime. Attempting to draw more visitors and to once again reign the throne of tourism, this year will see the city putting her best face forward with bigger and better events, world-class parties, crazy holiday promotions, safer surrogacy clinics and, fingers crossed, a less cringeworthy advert from the Tourism Authority of Thailand.
IMPROVE DRIVING SKILLS
Reckless drivers better watch out, because the city is clamping down (literally) on “bad” drivers. The traffic police are now equipped with expensive cameras to catch those playing on their phones while driving and fine or arrest those who are in the wrong lane — all in the effort to teach us what proper manners behind the wheel look like. We hope the law enforcers know that they themselves must also comply with these laws and ideals because, frankly, seeing police vans and motorcycles casually whizzing through red lights and cutting queues isn’t teaching us anything.
LEARN A NEW LANGUAGE
Considering that English is taught at nearly every school here and the amount of language schools and tutors that are readily available, how is it that we still fall behind our neighbouring countries like Laos and Cambodia where they speak up to three languages? Although, it’s not much of a surprise when you consider the fact that some of us aren’t even capable of speaking our own language properly. Words like “chi-mi”, “krushh” and “juung-beoy” are not Thai, they were invented by some lazy nitwit who decided that the normal pronunciation was too damn difficult and just had to add some extra cutesy flair. With the AEC happening this year, we hope our citizens will manage to pick up another language besides this nonsense baby-talk and Line sticker-babble.
BE A SAFER CITY
All criminals listen up! Bangkok is really putting the foot down on your illegal activities, cybercrime, drug-smuggling and whatnot. No, we’re not putting more metal scanners in shopping malls (who uses them anyway?), but we are implementing a new campaign. It’s called “Harass Foreigners for Fun”. To ensure its effectiveness, we’re conducting random searches and making just about anybody who isn’t Thai empty out their bags and take urine tests in the middle of Asok and Thong Lor. Here’s the best part: we’re also taking them to the police station if they’re not carrying their passport. We can’t think of a more efficient way to help restore the hospitable image of our city and ensure the safety of the public.
GET FIT
Less and less Bangkokians are concerned with losing weight, but they’re now more concerned about getting fitter. Marathons, charity runs and Muay Thai have been around for decades, but it is only after celebrities started posting pictures of themselves in sneakers and boxing gloves that everyone else has decided to pay attention. This year we’re expecting to see even more people taking a keen interest in health and fitness — or basically, how to look good in a selfie while doing these activities. Fitness fads will be pushed to the limit, along with more daring photo opportunities to garner more likes on Instagram.
