Maybe giving up lying was one of your New Year’s resolutions, but we all know that ended when you told yourself one more stick of moo ping isn’t going to make a difference on the scale. It’s hard to be honest 24/7 and Bangkokians just happen to know a thing or two about untruths. After all, we actually do it daily in somewhat innocent ways. Here are some of the most common fibs flying around the city to watch out for and the reality behind them.
“I’m on the way”
The most likely scenario is that you’re still curled up in bed and nowhere near leaving your house. If you’re running by Bangkok time, five minutes late means half an hour and if you’re going to be more than 20 minutes, you’ve probably decided not to show up. Of course, you’ll blame it on the awful traffic and feel like your excuse is perfectly justifiable when there’s heavy rain. The worst part about all this is that Bangkokians are very much capable of being on time; look at what happens when the office clock chimes 5pm and everyone’s got one foot out the door.
“This train/boat/motorcycle/elevator can take one more person”
You’re not a real Bangkokian if you’ve never faced the moral dilemma of “should I get in this BTS carriage or wait for the next one?” Of course, you’d jump right in (waiting for the next train could take five whole minutes), bump your backpack into people’s faces before finally readjusting your stance and cling onto anything that’s within your reach (including a stranger’s T-shirt). And it’s not just with public transport; even the office elevator with a sign that clearly states “10 people max” won’t be able to shut its doors until the 15th person makes it inside.
“I’ll win the lottery this time”
If there’s anything Thais get more excited about than a new food trend, it’s the lottery. Twice a month, we furiously check the newspaper to see if our lucky numbers have finally made us into millionaires. In reality, it would make more sense to travel to casinos abroad to get a taste of winning without having your chances divided into the number of the country’s population. Yet, it’s all people talk about and we’re certain too, that this time (after donating a generous sum of money to a temple) will finally be the time, to send in our resignation letters and start living on caviar and champagne.
“This is a good place for a selfie”
Bangkokians have a hard time making the distinction between an appropriate location for a selfie and a place where you shouldn’t even think about getting your phones out. Apparently toilets in shopping malls, escalators and on the back of a motorbike are prime photo-taking spots (which is just mind-boggling in itself). And although these areas are inconvenient for others and even dangerous, we suppose Thais would never miss a good selfie opportunity.
“It’s too far to walk”
Although the city’s pavements are far from perfect condition, many places are actually within walking distance. Bangkokians just seem to think that if it takes longer than a two-minute stroll outside (especially when the sun’s out), it’s not worth it. This logic is slightly confusing especially when we can walk for hours in an air-conditioned shopping mall without even taking a break.
“Sharing my life story on Facebook is a great idea”
You’ve seen them, heck, you might even be the one committing this heinous cybercrime of posting long-winded and incredibly pointless stories of your life for the whole world to see. In some cases, people are just asking for a little love and affection. But popping up on the news feed with your attention-seeking sob stories could get you the complete opposite reaction like being blocked or banned from future gatherings and events.
“Wiping plates and cutlery with pink tissues will actually make them cleaner”
Let’s face it, one issue that should be tackled is the hygiene quality of food stalls and roadside restaurants. But Bangkokians aren’t intimidated by cockroaches and rodents running around; we refuse to be defined by them and live under their rules! So instead, we choose to deal with the problem by wiping everything we can with pink tissues for the sake of “cleaning” and can never figure out why we keep getting food poisoning the next day.
“Sandals will do”
Living in a country with balmy weather can have its plus side. One being the fact that we would never have to dig our way out of snow or learn how to survive inside a camel carcass under the scorching sun. But the downside is that we’ve grown too comfortable to the casualness of wearing shorts and sandals everywhere we go (even to five-star hotels). In fact, the only times when we realise that flippy floppies are not appropriate are either at weddings or when a promotion is up for grabs.
“When the ring’s off, I’m not married”
Cheating levels in Thailand can be scary. We’ve all heard those tales of saunas, massage parlours, and mistresses hiding in a condo around Sukhumvit. Although we don’t want to generalise (we’re sure there are still monogamous people out there), may we suggest the old-school hard copy of Playboy magazine? Entertaining and educational.
“Mai pen rai”
The favourite Thai fib of all time. And not only do we tell ourselves this, we also tell other people even though the situation is definitely not OK. Speaking our minds is just not what we do; we beat around the bush until the other person either gets the point or walks away. Even when we’re livid, we avoid disagreement at all cost. As great as these traits are, being unworried all the time also comes with a heavy price. Why do you think we’re always late and never stick to deadlines? Because of the damn mai pen rai!