Regional romance

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. This year also marks the beginning of the Asean Economic Community. To celebrate both occasions, Life talks to five Southeast Asian couples about love, romance and language and cultural barriers

Chalermsri Pattanachoo
Thai / businesswoma
Myint Wai
Myanmar / Language teacher

A former Myanmar soldier escaped his country after joining the civilian protest against the military in 1988. In Bangkok, fate led him to a Thai woman.

Myint Wai, 56, and Chalermsri Pattanachoo, 53, met at a party in 1993 at the house of Chalermsri's friend. A power outage caused the lights to suddenly go out in the house, meaning that Chalermsri's first glance at her future husband was of a topless man sitting in a traditional Myanmar sarong, in the dark, with the warm light from the candles on his face.

They met again the next day and after a little bit of encouragement from their friends, their friendship blossomed into something more.

"We are not a role model couple, but we loved each other from the very first day we met," Chalermsri said. "I love him more every day."

At the time, Chalermsri was working at the MBK Center as a sales clerk and Myint Wai was a part-time English tutor for kids, and because he had a lot of free time, he would go there every day to wait for her and take her home.

Myint Wai was a refugee under protection by the UN Refugee Agency and often struggled to make ends meet. He remembers having to borrow a pair of shoes from his friend and clumsily iron his shirt every morning to spruce himself up before going out to meet Chalermsri. Often, his friends had to loan him enough money just to get the bus fee. It was Myint Wai's perseverance and continual efforts that made Chalermsri fall for him.

"Sincerity and consistency is Myint Wai's best charm," Chalermsri said. "Charm does not come from fancy clothes or sweet talking. Charm is something real from the man's heart."

Although Chalermsri's parents were initially disapproving of Myint Wai because he was from Myanmar, the couple eventually decided to marry. It was this cynicism and prejudice, however, that made Chalermsri sympathise with him even more and increase her feelings for him. 

They eventually married in 2001 and Myint Wai's job prospects also began to gradually improve. Now he is the headmaster of Dear Burma, a training school for Myanmar people residing in Thailand. "During the hard times, I had Chalermsri on my side," Myint Wai said. "But after I started doing decent work, it was my turn to take care of her." 

When they first started dating, the couple would speak in English, but after Myint Wai became fluent in his adopted country's language, they began to communicate in Thai.

The couple has never had any trouble with cultural differences, partly because they both agree that the two cultures are relatively similar.

Unfortunately, however, despite both desperately wanting a child, the couple were unable to conceive, but love still blossomed.

"Love is how two people fix their lives together," Myint Wai said. "It is a fight for real-life stability that takes two, it's not always a fun, reckless time."

The days of Myint Wai waiting all day long for the love of his life in front of a mall in Ramkhamhaeng with flowers are over, but their love for each other certainly isn't.

"Our romance now is taking care of each other, eating good food, and being able to sleep," Chalermsri said. "Then everyday is our Valentine's day."

- Duangphat Sitthipat

Pattama Sritiangtrong 
Thai / Company employee
Hilmi Mathofani 
Indonesian / Civil servant

Marriage between couples with different religions can be challenging. But Pattama Sritiangtrong, a 30-year-old Thai Buddhist, and Hilmi Mathofani, an Indonesian Muslim, have proved that love can overcome spiritual differences.

Their love story began in 2010 in Malang. Pattama was working for The Federation of Thai Industries and received a scholarship to study Bahasa in Indonesia. For six months, she was lost in translation and trapped in loneliness. Then came Hilmi, a senior English programme student who volunteered to take Pattama around.

"In Indonesia, it's quite unusual going out with foreigners of the opposite sex, especially with different religions," said Hilmi, 29. "So when we went out together, we usually walked separately and met somewhere else."

Relationships are sometimes tested by culture and social identity. Like many couples, though, the two believe that reconciliation is crucial in forming a lasting union.

"We have different characteristics. Pattama is friendly, but serious while I'm not really communicative but relaxed," Hilmi explained. "But that's what I like the most about us. I found my missing piece in Pattama and we can fulfil each other."

"Without saying anything, he always knows how I feel and knows how to boost my mood," said Pattama, an assistant manager of Thai Feed Mill Association.

After Pattama returned to Thailand, the two have maintained a long distance relationship — another thorny obstacle, but they kept contact and their feelings grew for almost a year.

Then Hilmi made the decision to come to work in Thailand for the Embassy of the Republic of Indonesia.

"When I told my mum about Pattama, it was quite a big issue as she didn't see the point in dating a foreigner while there were millions of Indonesians to choose from," Hilmi said.

Religion is a serious issue in Hilmi's family, as Muslims tend to marry within their religion, or require the other party to convert. Although a Buddhist all her life, because Pattama has a close Muslim friend and has spent six months in Indonesia, she was relatively familiar with Islamic culture.

She studied the faith, and grew to believe in the pillars of Islam. She converted to Islam in 2013, and got married last October.

As they are now settled in Thailand, they intend to use Thai as the first language but English and Indonesian if and when needed.

"We misunderstand each other quite a lot, because often what one says, isn't what one means," Pattama said, while laughing. The couple often end up explaining what they mean to each other in English.

"Of course, differences between two cultures can sometimes be an iron curtain, but we just have to find a way to lift it up while not forcing ourselves too hard," concluded Pattama.

- Pattramon Sukprasert

Sombat Ratr 
Cambodian / Noodle vendor
Noppadol Rinpan 
Thai / Fruit seller

Noppadol Rinpan, 42, first met Sombat Ratr, 37, when she came from Cambodia to work at his sister's house as a helper 15 years ago. After less than a year of courtship, the two tied the knot. They now own a noodle stall, and sell fruit at a local market in Bang Yai, Nonthaburi.

"He is diligent, and he's not picky when it comes to working. That's what impressed me the most," said Sombat.

Sombat speaks Khmer, Noppadol speaks Thai, but somehow Noppadol could always understand what Sombat wanted to say, even when others didn't.

"He is good. He always gets what I have to say," said Sombat, who admitted that she is still not proficient in Thai. Noppadol believes it is the connection he shares with his wife that makes them able to understand each other.

"My sister likes singing karaoke. And that was how Sombat picked up Thai," said the husband. "She would listen to how the words were pronounced during karaoke sessions, back when she was working at my sister's house."

Although married for 14 years, Sombat is still a Cambodian citizen, as the family have chosen to pay the yearly Thai visa application fees, rather than spending a lump sum to receive Thai citizenship. The couple have no children, which also makes it difficult for Sombat to become a Thai citizen.

Their house is still full though, as Noppadol has two children of his own, while Sombat has three with her previous husband. They both agreed though that neither wanted to make either side of the family feel unloved.

In over 15 years, the couple have never had a major fight. "I can be moody — quite often, too. Then, she just simply asks, 'Are you done now?', without raising her voice. And that always calms me down," said Noppadol.

"Since we've already decided to spend our lives together, we have to forgive and forget," said Sombat.

Noppadol added that his wife would always support him with his decisions. Sombat has never nagged him, or put him down when he did something wrong. Instead, she would be ready with kind words to cheer him up.

Whatever they're doing must be working though, as the couple have now saved up enough money to afford a house and car.

"I can say that I'm not such a good person. I've been with a lot of women, but no one can compare to her. I'm everything that I am now — everything I have; I am me because of her," said Noppadol who concluded that, "If not for her, I would have nothing."

- Melalin Mahavongtrakul Quach Thi Quynh Trang 
Vietnamese / Interpreter
Thanet Prawetthongsopon 
Thai / Sales executive

Two strangers meet in a mall, sparks fly, one asks for the other's number. This may sound like a plot in a romantic movie, but this is exactly how the romance between Thanet Prawetthingsopon, a Thai, and Quach Thi Quynh Trang, a Vietnamese, began.

It was a mall in Ho Chi Minh City, in late 2010. Trang was a student at the time, working part-time as a brand ambassador handing out perfume and cosmetic samples. Thanet was strolling around the mall; he'd been working in Vietnam for about 10 years.

Coincidence, or maybe destiny, led them to both bump into each other four times within a couple of hours. Finally, Thanet plucked up the courage and he asked for Trang's contact details. Love can be hard, but it can also be so simple. Their journey began that day.

Thanet, 37, is head of sales at a chemical company. Trang, 26, now works as a Vietnamese-Thai interpreter. The 11-year age gap seems big, but Trang insists that this is what she has always dreamt of. "Thanet is a sophisticated man who always supports and guides me. He took our relationship seriously from the start."

For Thanet, Trang's beauty is irresistible, but what impressed him the most is far beyond that.

"She was still a student at the time we met, but she was spending her free time working instead of doing other things," says Thanet. "It is rare to find such diligent young people."

After two years of dating, the couple decided to spend the rest of their lives together.

"It wasn't that hard when I proposed to her. We needed to talk to her family to explain the differences in nationalities and things like that, but I made it through," said Thanet. Trang added that the generosity of Thanet won over her family, who accepted him as one of their own.

After they got married, Thanet suggested that they moved from Vietnam to settle in Thailand. Trang had no objections to following, as in Vietnamese culture, the wife tends to live wherever the husband does. At first, communication was not a huge obstacle for them, as Thanet was fluent in Vietnamese. But after they settled in Thailand, the Thai language became much more significant for Trang. Day by day, she slowly absorbed the culture and the language and now work as Vietnamese-Thai interpreter.

"I need to adapt myself with language, food, and culture but I've prepared for this," said Trang.

"Understanding both cultures and compromising is our love life recipe," Thanet said. "We can always find a balance between the two cultures. For example, we go for Chinese food sometimes instead of only Thai or Vietnamese food."

"But what's really important is that we're not on our own anymore. We've welcomed another person into life, our child. Whatever actions we take, we need to think of other family members as well," said Trang.  

- Pattramon Sukprasert

Danny Foo 
Singaporean / Social worker
Leah Foo 
Filipino / Nurse

After 13 years of marriage and four children, Danny and Leah Foo still seem to be very much in love. For this mixed cultural couple, Valentine's Day is every day.

"Being romantic adds spice to our relationship, not a day goes by that I don't tell my wife that I love her. It is important to appreciate your spouse on a daily basis, and not wait for a particular day to celebrate your love," said Danny.

Leah believes in compromise as a means of unity. "It's not a sacrifice when you're doing it for someone you love."

The couple met and registered their marriage in Singapore, and have worked in Thailand for over a decade.

"I met her in Singapore, back in the days when I was completing my final year of Bible college and she was working at a home for the intellectually challenged," says the husband.

"Cultural differences between us were never an issue because of her genuine sincerity and love for not just me, but also my parents. On my part, I try to focus on the positive side of her Filipino culture as well."

At the start of their married life, Leah, a nurse at Bumrungrad International Hospital, said that they had decided to use the best of both the Singaporean and Filipino cultures to raise their children and strengthen their marriage.        

Mutual respect for each other and their Christian faith has played a huge role in resolving their differences and strengthening their marriage. 

"Danny has studied my Filipino culture enough to understand and work out our cultural differences, while I have done likewise. Actually, we compliment each other in many ways. He always remembers birthdays and anniversaries while I don't.

"He fills in the areas where I fall short. Even after 13 years of marriage, he surprises me with roses for all sorts of special moments. On New Year's Day I had to work, so he surprised me by putting on a special performance with our children at my office, I was so touched."  

The couple advise anyone in a mixed cultural marriage or relationship to learn their partner's culture well, pick out the good and discard the rest, and remember to appreciate each other's differences.    

Danny concludes by saying: "Couples have to find fun things to enjoy doing together. It is when monotony sets in that people begin to drift apart."

- Yvonne Bohwongprasert