Fight for equality in baby steps

Fight for equality in baby steps

A round-up of news this month features the ongoing controversy over custody of a child by a gay couple — and illustrates progress in public acceptance is being made

SOCIAL & LIFESTYLE

Gordon Lake, Manuel Santos and their son Alvaro are stuck in Thailand. The family has been here for the past six months — exhausting their savings, they can't return home. All because they refuse to leave the country without Carmen, the family's latest member.

Gordon Lake and Manuel Santos with baby Carmen.

The problem? Patidta Kusonsrang — the Thai surrogate who gave birth to Carmen — refuses to sign over the baby, rendering it impossible for the two fathers to take Carmen home.

"I don't know how long we have to be here. But what am I gonna do?" said Lake during his interview with Channel 3. "We're very afraid that our daughter is going to be taken away from us."

Patidta has already received around 400,000 baht and an additional 15,000 baht monthly during her pregnancy from Lake and Santos. Now, she has said she's willing to return every single baht to keep Carmen. She said she suspects the couple are involved with human trafficking.

It's interesting how it all began. Patidta said she found an ad on Facebook wanting surrogate mums. She decided to go for the procedure behind her husband's back, only telling him once the baby was conceived in her womb.

"I thought it was for couples having problems in conceiving. I also have friends who can't have babies. I know what it's like. It can help fulfil their lives," said Patidta during her recent interview on Sorayuth Suthassanachinda's TV show.

The online community suspects Patidta of ulterior motives. Money and ongoing financial support from the gay couple are motivating her, say some. But many are saying perhaps Patidta planned to keep baby Carmen right from the start.

Various people have gone through Patidta's Facebook account, finding her older posts of cute babies and putting them under scrutiny on Pantip.com. In one picture, Patidta's comment reads: "Look for a man for me. I want a baby like this."

It should be noted that Patidta is already in a relationship, and she also has a 15-year-old daughter.

While the outcome of the case has yet to be decided, it's good to see that many people — straight and LGBT, Thai and foreign — are supporting the two dads. An online petition "Bring Carmen Home" on change.org has gained around 60,000 supporters. Many have also donated money to help the couple with legal fees in their fight for Carmen. Perhaps our society is becoming more accepting towards LGBT families.

It may seem unconventional to many. Two fathers, instead of one father and one mother. And society has been asking, "Will it work?", "Will the baby turn queer?", "Why is the couple subjecting innocent babies to this humiliation of having LGBT parents?", "The kids will be mocked when they grow up".

Still, people haven't really asked why it would be a shame to have gay family members. Why are we still living in a society that turns to mockery should we ever find out our friends' family is not what society deems "ordinary"?

Deeper than the sexual orientation and gender identity is the love that exists in the family. And it should be apparent to anyone looking through Lake and Santos's Instagram or "Bring Carmen Home" Facebook page. They exude love and happiness despite a tumultuous time. The wait may be long, but we urge the family to fight on. We hope Carmen and her loving family can go home soon.

Things are surely great when the wait is over. For former Olympic gold medallist Caitlyn Jenner, formerly known as Bruce Jenner, her lifetime wait has finally ended. No more concealing her true self. She walks with her head held high now that the world knows who she really is. She seems happy, and is working to pass on that happiness by becoming an inspiration to many people.

"If you want to call me names, make jokes, doubt my intentions, go ahead because the reality is: I can take it. But, for the thousands of kids out there who are coming to terms with being true to who they are, they shouldn't have to take it," said Jenner during her speech at the 2015 ESPY Awards this month.

"It's about all of us accepting one another. We are all different. That's not a bad thing. That's a good thing. And, while it may not be easy to get past the things you do not understand, I want to prove that it is absolutely possible if we only do it together."

Jenner's speech also highlighted different cases of bullying, murder and suicide that occur to young transgenders in the US. And she sees it as her responsibility under the spotlight to promote equality and acceptance for the trans and overall LGBT community.

Standing up for the community like Jenner takes courage.

But when will the time come when bravery is no longer needed? When can people say "I'm different" without fear? When will the LGBT family be able to live in peace? Only then it would mean the world is finally accepting of gender diversity. This is what we're still waiting for.

We wait for the day we no longer need to fight, the day we can just sit next to our loved ones and be content with what we have, knowing that the fights — the tears that made today's smiles possible — were all worthwhile.


Contact melalinm@bangkokpost.co.th with news and views about LGBT.

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