Prohibition Est. 2015

Prohibition Est. 2015

Seven bans we’d like to see put in place

SOCIAL & LIFESTYLE
Prohibition Est. 2015

The problem with the alcohol ban debacle isn’t only the fact that 1) rulemakers haven’t finished eeny-meeny-miny-moe-ing around the actual number of metres away from schools that bars and clubs must be situated or 2) it’s going to send Thailand back to experience for itself the crappiest period of American history. Nor will the ban magically rid Thailand of its violence problems. We’re not taking sides, nor are we sympathetic towards fellow office workers who will have to say goodbye to humpdays and TGIFs after local watering holes are axed. Of course not. What we’re saying, though, is there are other bans we should be thinking about a lot more. And since it’s currently illegal to gather in crowds and hold up placards, we thought we’d present them in Guru instead.

NO MORE: EXCEPTIONS

They say a 20-baht tip will get your car parked in the best location at shopping malls, even if it’s a disabled parking spot; a police ranking gets you the VIP lane at international airports, bypassing the usual safety checks and protocols; and knowing the lunch lady by name means your meal will be ready before anyone else’s. Oh, how the country cries for democracy, all the while some people can’t seem to fathom going through life without parading about their famous last names, jumping queues or having the common courtesy to answer for their crimes or wrongdoings. So let’s be fair and let’s be honest -- even if your daddy is someone important.

Illustrations by Postgraphics

NO MORE: SHOPPING MALLS

What could another glitzy mall with freezing cold air con temperatures possibly offer us, other than a larger Uniqlo and a bunch of brands with names we can’t pronounce? A new destination for food fads, perhaps, but as proven by past experiences, those won’t last long. The most terrifying part isn’t how congested the roads will become once people begin to flock there, it’s that there won’t be enough space in Bangkok for civilians to breathe. The already scorching temperatures will increase as malls and high rises continue to be built, blocking any chance of a breeze passing through. Which begs the question, why are new malls allowed to be built at all?

NO MORE: MISUSE OF PAVEMENTS

It’s true that Bangkok is one of the most convenient cities in the world -- yes, we take pride in our motosai guy’s ability to cut down our ETA by half. Navigating through the capital on foot, however, is a different story. It’s like playing a game of Temple Run, albeit one you have no chance of winning. You have to squeeze past rows of taxis and tuk tuks, convince pushy vendors you’re not interested in purchasing Viagra or a sex tape and dodge motorbike drivers who seem to think the pavement is their personal express lane. Even if you manage to do all that, you’ll eventually end up stepping on a dodgy tile and splashing your feet with unidentifiable liquid. The way we see it, if the police are continuing on their quest to “clean up” the city, they should also give the boot to pavement misuse.

NO MORE: PLASTIC BAGS

Convenience stores love handing out plastic bags, regardless of whether you really need them or not. Nope, apparently we can’t just stick a pack of Mentos in our pocket -- we need a bagful of global warming to go with it. Guess what? Having one “car-free” day isn’t going to solve our country’s environmental problems, especially if we continue to dispense plastic bags like after-dinner mints. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that we can avoid a lot of waste by not accepting new plastic bags from minimarts and instead reusing a sturdy one. We’re clueless as to why this is still allowed to go on, aside from the fact that people use plastic bags as waterproof headgear during the rainy season.

NO MORE: SUBSTANDARD TOILET MANNERS

That gut-wrenching fear we face every time we take a pit stop at the petrol station -- or, for that matter, any public toilet -- is all too familiar. Rolled up trousers, check. Pack of tissues, check. Counting to three and suppressing gag reflex, check. As we brace ourselves to enter the toilet, we pray that no one has left a “surprise” for us in there. It doesn’t matter how large the font is, the colour of the letters, nor how many times it’s written out -- apparently the posters stuck on the inside of every toilet door, reminding us not to “step on the seat”, “flush rubbish down the toilet” or “wash our feet” are there only to be ignored. You can bet your bottom baht that if substandard toilet users were made to clean public toilets as punishment, they’d be a bit more considerate in the future.

NO MORE: PDS (PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF STUPIDITY)

Common sense, apparently, isn’t instilled in all human beings. It is for this reason why people think it’s a good idea to take selfies at the most inconvenient places, never look up from their phones and walk into people or cause a massive hold-up at one of the most congested roads in Bangkok just to shoot a soap opera. Forget the PDA netizens love to condemn -- if anything, they serve only to cause cringeworthy moments, not a two-hour traffic jam on a Monday afternoon.

NO MORE: UNRULY RULES

We wonder if some of the rules and laws authority figures have decided to pass have actually been thought through? If so, then they should most definitely be revised. Banning students with tattoos and wide ear-piercings from vocational colleges? Ahem, discriminate and stereotype much? Arresting students for having a say and a voice? Ahem, did we forget about freedom of speech? Or have those human rights been neglected along with the others we supposedly have?

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