Tests are supposed to measure what we know, or, more accurately, what we don't know but should know. That's why it's problematic when we're passing exams but failing in the real life situations those exams sought to mimic. This could easily be alluding to the shape of our national education in general, but we're directing our frustration to a specifically aggravating application of skill in this country: driving.
We complain about this time and time again, yet we've never seen driving in Thailand get any better. So, considering how much there is to blame on people who are actually authorised to roam
the roads in a vehicle, we decided to rewrite what is clearly an
irrelevant driver's licensing exam. If you hold yourself to be in the minority of good drivers in Thailand, prove it by acing Guru's driving theory exam.
1. What do you always need to have when you're driving?
A. Your phone.
B. Driver's license.
C. Small bills for emergency bribing.
D. Conscience.
E. B and C.
F. B and D.
2. What's illegal because it's dangerous?
A. Running a red light.
B. Creating a new lane to bypass congestion.
C. Using the blinding high beam in the city just because you want to shine bright like a diamond.
D. All of the above.
3. What's illegal but NOT because it's dangerous?
A. Running a red light.
B. Creating a new lane to bypass congestion.
C. Using the blinding high beam in the city just cause you want to shine bright like a diamond.
D. Driving shirtless.
4. Don't drive if ...
A. You've been drinking.
B. Your life depends on responding to your best friend's text.
C. You think 150kph is still within the speed limit.
D. You are a baby.
E. All of the above.
5. What is the speed limit in Bangkok?
A. There is none.
B. Depends on how big your last name is.
C. 120kph.
D. 100kph.
E. 80kph.
6. The car next to you is being an A-hole. What is an appropriate way to respond?
A. Manoeuvre in front of him and then back up into him three times at high intensity. Then, accuse him of ramming into your car.
B. Park, get out of your car and start a fight with the driver.
C. Grab your phone and start vlogging about the SOB.
D. Distance yourself from him.
7. What should you do when the vehicle behind you is a sirening ambulance?
A. Speed up.
B. Stop, drop and roll!
C. Take no special action because "rushers should have left earlier".
D. Realise why an ambulance is in a hurry and give way immediately.
8. What is the only classy way to overtake or pass another car?
A. Overtaking three cars in one swift move.
B. Overtaking the car in front of you by using a lane that goes in the opposite direction.
C. Tricking the other car into thinking you have no intention to overtake and then sliding in quickly!
D. Giving ample signal, aiming for the other driver's acknowledgment.
9. Why did the pedestrian pictured below thank the driver?
A. The driver gave him a million baht.
B. The driver rescued him from a gang of violent teens with swords and connections.
C. The driver was a politician and the pedestrian was just being sarcastic.
D. The driver gave way to the pedestrian, a rare act of altruism in Thailand.
10. What should you do when you've been caught breaking the rules of the road?
A. Offer the police money on the spot.
B. Let the police name the price.
C. Tell them who your father is.
D. Take the ticket and be on your way to the police station.
11. Of the following, which car model makes the driver least prone to incarceration for committing a serious road crime?
A. Toyota Yaris.
B. Honda Jazz.
C. Suzuki Swift.
D. Mercedes Benz anything.
E. Are you kidding me?
12. Which of the following is the best way to save your car's energy?
A. Turn off the radio and sing for your own entertainment.
B. Turn off the A/C and broil. #sweatfortheplanet
C. Don't use headlights while driving at night.
D. Give it a rest and take the BTS.
13. When making a turn, you must ...
A. Speed up, so you can drift.
B. Selfie.
C. Roll down your window and scream "I'm turning!"
D. Slow down and signal.
14. When is it acceptable to honk your horn?
A. When your venting your frustrations because you have not moved for 2 hours.
B. When you feel that the car in front of you should move aside for your high(speed)ness.
C. When you wish to join in car horn symphony with the other drivers.
D. When you've lost control of your car.
15. Explain how to change lanes properly. Please use at least one of the keywords in the above box.
XXX
Answers:
1. F
2. D
3. D
4. D
5. E
6. D
7. D
8. D
9. D
10. D
11. D and/or E
12. D
13. D
14. D
15. Sample answer: Signal that you want to change lanes, wait for a safe opportunity and then cautiously change lanes.
Scoring:
15 Good news, you are a standard driver, the only kind that should be on the road. Bad news, the same can't be said about your fellow road users.
12-14 "If you jump across a canyon and only make it 90% of the way, you're still screwed." Brush up before you get back on the road.
8-11 Please, hire somebody who scored 15 to drive you.
4-7 Just hand over your driver's license and take the BTS.
0-3 Don't even touch the road. Work from home, for the sake of mankind.
