With the Rio Olympics finally under way, I can't get out of my head the old Frank Sinatra song that starts: "Way down among Brazilians/Coffee beans grow by the billions …" It was entitled The Coffee Song and a big hit when I was a kid back in the Stone Age. In fact, that song just about summed up my knowledge of Brazil in those days.
I pictured a country full of cheerful people who spent every day dancing the samba at never-ending carnivals and guzzling gallons of coffee. I also knew Brazil was the home of the Amazon, the world's mightiest river.
Ask anyone about Amazon these days and they'll think you are talking about a giant retailer. There was also the Brazil nut, which was a childhood favourite. As Christmas approached, my dad would fill up a big bowl of mixed nuts, and it was the Brazils that were the first to be consumed, mainly by me.
Unfortunately, they were the most expensive and, with their very hard shells, they were literally a tough nut to crack. You had to resort to nutcrackers and I invariably ended up with an ugly crunched-up mess of kernel and shell.
The Coffee Song includes the splendid lines: "You date a girl, and find out later/She smells just like a percolator …" Very romantic. Anyway, if you are feeling a bit sluggish this morning, brew yourself a coffee, preferably Brazilian, and … one, two, three, "Way down among Brazilians …"
That should put you into the true Olympic spirit.
Blame it on the bossa nova
A Brazilian lady who definitely did not smell like a percolator was the lovely Astrud Gilberto, who I fell in love with from the moment I heard the bossa nova song The Girl From Ipanema back in 1964. Accompanied by jazz saxophonist Stan Getz, it was Astrud's first professional performance, which was in fact part of the charm. Her plaintive voice managed to sound innocent yet seductive.
The song was soft, lilting, cool, mellow … well, you get the idea. It conjured up an irresistible image for any teenage lad: "Tall and tan and young and lovely/The girl from Ipanema goes walking/And when she passes, each one she passes/Goes aaah ..." I certainly went "aaah" listening to it. If you are ever feeling stressed, you can't do better than tune in to a combination of Astrud and Getz.
The song even has an influence on the current Olympics. The name of the Games' mascot, Vinicius, is a tribute to Brazilian poet-musician Vinicius de Moraes, who wrote the original Portuguese lyrics for The Girl From Ipanema. Astrud is now aged 76, but I hope we will be hearing more of her in the coming weeks.
Tijuana tequilas
I regret never having been to Brazil. In fact, I have never been to Latin America, apart from one night in the Mexican border town of Tijuana, which doesn't really count as it's only a half-hour from San Diego. I was with a group of Asian journalists and we did the tourist bit, although I drew the line at wearing a giant sombrero.
Having a meal in a cantina with Mexican trumpet players blasting your ears off as you try to grapple with soggy tortilla is probably not everyone's idea of fun, but it was definitely an experience.
Memories of the evening are somewhat hazy as a result of too many margaritas, plus lethal quantities of tequila. It's all bit of a blur, but I have vague memories of dancing with a bunch of waiters, which is never a good sign. Thank goodness there was no border wall to climb over on the way back.
The Bangkok Games
Readers may recall Bangkok actually put in a bid for the 2008 Olympics, which was eventually won by Beijing. Bangkok didn't survive the preliminary vote, scoring particularly badly on "general infrastructure".
One suspects sweating it out for hours in a Pratunam traffic jam was enough for International Olympic Committee delegates to give the Big Mango the thumbs down. Or maybe they experienced an unscheduled ride in a tuk-tuk, not recommended for those of a nervous disposition.
There was actually a collective sigh of relief from citizens when Bangkok didn't get the vote. For a start, it saved the taxpayers a small fortune -- just imagine all those juicy big contracts going up for grabs.
Beijing bonhomie
I happened to be in Beijing shortly before the 2008 Olympics. It was a most enjoyable experience as the local populace were under strict orders to make foreigners welcome. You were constantly greeted by smiling locals practising "hello", "good morning", "you're welcome" and "thank you".
Hotel staff were particularly enthusiastic, and you only had to enter the coffee shop to be greeted by every waitress with a breezy "good morning", even when it was afternoon or evening.
The hotel had a little bar that our group visited regularly. It was run by Chinese waitresses who all had splendid names like Stephanie, Jenny, Bessie, Nancy and Molly.
They were fine serving the standard Tsingtao beer, which we consumed in large quantities, but struggled with complicated orders such as gin and tonic, causing great confusion. More elaborate drinks such as martini or a Bloody Mary prompted a major summit meeting of the entire serving staff.
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