The graduation ceremony season is coming and soon many of you will be able to officially call yourself a newly grad. Congratulations! I want to give you a gift on this very happy occasion. But... bouquets wither, balloons shrink and a teddy bear in its graduation gown would soon be forgotten. How about something no unis could give that would prepare you for the impending nine-to-five life for good? I trust you already have the important stuff like job interview tips and how to create an impressive CV on lock. So, instead, let me introduce you to the types of people you're likely to meet in office life.
The Gossip Queens
These types will help make office life more fun. Who wouldn't want in on the latest office drama and to keep themselves up in the loop, right? Lunch with them could feel like a recap of what's going on in the office. But, do take their stories with a grain of salt. Distinguish between those who give updates on co-workers and the office and those who are pure trash talkers. If they turn out to be the latter, know that they have some major insecurity issues and keep them at bay.
The Messy-Desk Workers
Some of us can't work at an untidy desk while some seem to be immune to all of that beautiful mess that piles up at their workstation. This doesn't mean they come to work unwashed in their pyjamas but simply means they can function just fine despite their messy desks. Don't try to tidy up their desks though as they already have their own system. And don't judge a worker by the look of their desk.
The DJs
They try to (not so subtly) brag about their music tastes, aka whatever's trending on VEVO, by playing The Weeknd's Starboy on speakers they plugged into their computers. Or they just try to prevent themselves from falling asleep at their desks. These guys can make things a bit awkward as some songs may contain explicit and misogynistic lyrics. If played at a moderate volume, try to think of their playlist as background music to keep you awake through a dull afternoon. Request your fav song from them. If you can't take it anymore, just put some spare earphones on their table (you must have at least one at this point in your life) with a note that says, "Hi XX, let me introduce you to earphones. You two should really get acquainted". They should get the message.
The Silent and Serious
They mostly keep to themselves and don't know when someone is joking. You tease them about how casual they look one day and the next they turn up to work wearing a crisp buttoned up long-sleeved shirt.
The Long Lunchers
To general workers, lunch means eating something at their desks or something quick at the nearby shop or canteen. To them, lunch means having a dish at one place, getting a drink at another and then engaging in some quick retail therapy at a nearby market.
The Noisemakers
They are the ones who make their presence known with the various noises they make. You may get distracted by their grunts, ahems, coughs, belches or just the high volumes of their voice. The most unbearable ones may also type on their keyboards so hard you think you're living back in the 1980s when people still used typewriters at work. Tell yourself they don't mean to offend you or just ask the DJ to turn up the volume.
The Kleptomaniac
You may never know their true identities but you know they exist when the food you put in the office fridge disappears, a good pen of yours goes missing or a valuable item vanishes from your desk. Ask for CCTV footage from the office's security team, if you really want to get to know them.
THE Pros
They may not be the most liked or the most social ones in the office but they always get the job done in a timely manner and don't mind putting in the extra effort and time into their work when needed. Their LinkedIn profiles are so detailed and properly updated too. This is the type you should aspire to be.