Commerce Minister Boonsong Teriyapirom wouldn't be able to pass for Angelina Jolie. He obviously does not have those lips or the acting skills.
But if he shared only just one bit of the actress's proactive attitude, Mr Boonsong wouldn't have landed in such a career-killing position, on top of a massive, loss-ridden rice-pledging scheme, which he can't explain away.
You see, it's not the amount of financial losses that is the crux of the matter when it comes to government-sponsored price guarantee programmes. Everyone knows they will run at a loss.
The biggest problem in the government's marquee policy of buying up "every single grain of rice" at prices that are about 30% higher than market, supposedly to boost the country's income from rice exports and "put more money in the hands of poor farmers", is the minister's failure to inform the public about how the project is being implemented, every single step of the way.
His tactic from the start, which was to treat any release of rice from the government's stockpile as confidential, was plain wrong.
For a public anxious to know how its money is being spent, the attempt to withhold information will not be read as an act of protecting the state's interests but as a cover-up of something unusual.
Indeed, as the minister in charge of the government's most expensive and crucial policy, Mr Boonsong could have taken a page or two out of the Hollywood actress's script. In assessing her health risks, Angelina was precise. In an article she wrote for The New York Times entitled "My Medical Choice," Angelina said she had an 87% risk of breast cancer and a 50% risk of ovarian cancer.
The minister could have also learned from the actress's sharp, proactive choice. Angelina wrote that once she knew her numbers, she decided to minimise the risk and opted for a preventive double mastectomy.
Not only has Mr Boonsong been imprecise about his numbers - whether the financial loss amounts to 260 billion baht, as claimed by a Finance Ministry accounting committee, or 130 billion baht as asserted by another minister Varathep Ratanakorn - but he has also offered a very lame reason for his project-monitoring failure.
To tell the public the project is still running and that the loss will not be known for at least another few years, when everybody knows the huge pile of rice he is sitting on is decaying and losing value every day, is irresponsible.
Deputy Prime Minister Kittiratt Na- Ranong floated the idea of cutting the guarantee prices next season to curb the losses. But what is the point of considering that measure when the government does not know how much it is losing exactly, why, and how to rectify the situation?
In fact, the government or Mr Boonsong should have known. In an op-ed article written for the Wall Street Journal in October 2012, one year after the ambitious rice-pledging scheme was launched, Mr Boonsong laid out rosy prospects for Thai rice in the global market. He predicted that by 2013, Thailand's competitors such as India and Vietnam will be depleting their excess stockpiles of rice.
"If Thailand can succeed in preserving the superior pricing of its jasmine rice and preserve its market share over that period, the scheme will bring in substantially higher export revenue in future years. This will then be the time when the government will recoup its investment (and possibly make a profit) by gradually releasing its stockpiles into the world market," Mr Boonsong wrote.
According to the United Nations's Food and Agriculture Organisation, India and Vietnam are expected to ship even larger amounts of rice exports this year than previously forecast. What depletion, Mr Boonsong? Rice can be grown every year. Did you know that?
In the same article, entitled "In Defence of Bangkok's Rice Subsidies", Mr Boonsong also sketched out a dream of Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos and Myanmar forming a rice cartel that would be capable of manipulating rice prices in world markets.
"If this bloc succeeds, Thailand's farmers will reap the benefits of higher prices," he said. But we know well that the rice bloc will never happen as Vietnam is thanking the Thai rice-pledging programme for allowing it to surpass us as one of the world's top rice exporters.
He also said back then the government has signed contracts to sell as much as 8.38 million tonnes of rice which should earn 240-250 billion baht for the country. Last week, he said the income stood at 120 billion baht. If Angelina were in charge of the programme, she would have cut her losses by now.
Atiya Achakulwisut is Deputy Editor, Bangkok Post.