It has been about three weeks since our military overlords took over the country in the May 22 coup. Despite some valiant efforts by the army to repay rice farmers money owed to them, a plan to revise various state projects, and the military junta chief using an hour of his precious time to pen the sappy song “Returning Happiness to the People”, there still seems to be some confusion over what sort of real reform will actually be achieved.
A recent Suan Dusit Poll compiled the most pressing questions people want National Council for Peace and Order (NCPO) leader Gen Prayuth Chan-ocha to answer. The main queries are: 1) How long will it take to bring the situation in Thailand back to normal and when will the curfew be completely lifted?;
2) How will the NCPO work to achieve reforms and solve the existing conflicts?
While these are valid questions that need to be answered, I don’t want to add to the NCPO’s headaches since I’m sure they’re already busy trying to undo all the damage that has been done to the country in the past (and also because I’m too scared to criticise them because Gen Prayuth says we’re not allowed to).
Instead, in the interest of national security and prosperity, I would like to humbly offer my suggestions to help the NCPO achieve their goal of making the country a more peaceful place for everyone. Here are three things that can be enforced to ensure we never sink back into this hole of our own making:
Embrace Thai-style democracy
While it’s great to imagine a country where votes are never bought, people actually make informed decisions at the polls, and politicians are honestly working for the good of the public, I think we are just setting ourselves up for failure with these expectations. The coup may offer a short-term reality check, but how long will it take before baht signs start enticing people again?
The NCPO should use their power to amend legislation to embrace our brand of Thai-style democracy. Think of how much taxpayers could save on trials and other proceedings if all future government projects were legally required to have a minimum amount of corruption! Plus, if all this illegality was made transparent, protest groups would have nothing to complain about because everyone in power would be equally bad.
And best of all, this would save us from going to the polls every couple of months. We lose precious nights of drinking when it comes to these frequent elections anyway!
Solve all traffic woes
What does traffic congestion have to do with peace, you ask? Well, if the NCPO’s goal is to return happiness to the people, then I can’t think of a better place to start. Of course politics and the economy are important for a country’s success, but how can anything positive get done when we’re spending most of our time cursing at red lights?
Since it’s obvious the noble traffic police haven’t been able to do much to ease congestion, the NCPO can use this opportunity to swoop in like miraculously seeing cars move in the midst of a rush-hour-rainstorm. Logical measures include setting up the automated traffic lights to a timer schedule that actually makes sense (i.e. if the light is green, make sure there’s actually somewhere to go) and perhaps implementing certain days and times when people can drive. Furthermore if the traffic situation improves, perhaps drivers will be more courteous and cautious on the roads.
But if that doesn’t work, then roll out the tanks ‘cuz no bribe would be able to stop that.
Implement some basic etiquette
It’s not the military’s job to raise the public, but since they’re in power now, they might as well wield their influence to whip the population into shape. I don’t know about you, but I’m less likely to yell at people if some a**hole had the decency not to cut me in line.
Instead of using force to stop people from protesting, why not bring out the boys-in-camo to various spots where people desperately need a lesson in etiquette? Station soldiers at train platforms and elevators to teach people when to exit/enter, at convenience stores to show people what a queue means, and on sidewalks to demonstrate the difference between “walking at a normal pace” and “being inconsiderate by stopping anytime you want to stare at your smartphone”.
Everyone got stuck in this mess because a select few were acting like babies, so it’s no surprise someone came out to put us in our place. Therefore those who decided to take power might as well use it to try to improve on some things that really matter. Imagine how big the Thai smile will be when you don’t have to worry about being trampled on the BTS. G