Edge of darkness

Edge of darkness

Among the disasters the world had to face this past week — plane crashes, mudslides, building collapses, disease outbreaks, wars — the one that struck a chord with me most was the death of actor and comedian Robin Williams.

Not that the wars and disease outbreaks don't make me sad or cringe with horror. But the casualties there were victims of some outside force, something beyond their control, the essential factor that made them different from Williams' passing.

The fact that Williams made a conscious decision to end his life is almost beyond my comprehension. This is a man who, for almost 40 years, entertained the world and made us laugh. Yet how many people knew how he felt inside, the depths of his misery?

People with such a magnificent sense of humour shouldn't be depressed, we think. How little do we know.

It brings to mind the paradoxical image of the sad clown, with an eternal smile. It was Smokey Robinson who sang the hit The Tears Of A Clown.

"Just like Pagliacci did

I try to keep my sadness hid

Smiling in the public eye

But in my lonely room cry

the tears of a clown

When there's no one around"

Such is life, the constant contrast between what you see and what is behind that pretty facade.

Interestingly enough, among Robin Williams' dozens of amazing films — Good Will Hunting and Dead Poets Society will always rank among my favourites — the one that really grabbed me, touched me deeper than the other purely entertaining films, was What Dreams May Come. I watched it
without any preconceived ideas or expectations, except for the fact that any film starring Williams was going to be good and entertaining. But the film went far beyond that. It was like a dreamscape — tragic, beautiful, philosophical, spiritual, all rolled into one.

It dealt with love, death, Heaven and Hell. It is simultaneously Christian and Buddhist, reflecting deeply on how kharma affects your afterlife.

The movie made such an impression on me that I bought a videotape for my mother. It's not often I do that. She gave up watching movies ever since Sean Connery stopped playing 007.

There were elements of Dante's Inferno in it, as well as a bit of the Buddhist Tribhumi universe. There was an artistic rendering of Heaven in all the colours of the impressionist palette. Some people might have found it kitschy and cliche-ridden, but I'm the sort of person who thrives on kitsch. I love image of fairies and angels with big white wings and streams running through the woods and sunlight streaming through gaps in the forest canopy and all the other surreal postcard images that are often posted on Facebook. There were landscapes evocative of Turner and Gainsborough, as well as Middle-earth.

This was one of those films in which
Williams didn't have to be funny. Instead, he was sensitive, tragic and, ironically enough, deeply depressed.

Perhaps, just perhaps, if the film had made a lasting impression on him, he might have thought twice about ending his life so tragically.

But we can all create our own premises and say "What if...?" None of us will ever know what he was really going through, except for the fact that he must have been so desperate that death seemed preferable. That is the true tragedy of the situation.

Despite his wealth and opportunities, his friends and family, Williams saw death as the only door open to him.

Could anyone have suspected his suicide? Could it have been prevented? These are the questions that will probably never be answered. We didn't know him personally, but the fact that he was such a well-loved persona, one we invited into our homes via our television screen, makes us feel a close connection to him, making his death all the more heartbreaking.

Whatever dreams may come, Mr Williams, I hope you found peace at last.


Usnisa Sukhsvasti is the features editor of the Bangkok Post.

Usnisa Sukhsvasti

Feature Editor

M.R. Usnisa Sukhsvasti is Bangkok Post’s features editor, a teacher at Chulalongkorn University and a social worker.

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