15 wishes for 2015

15 wishes for 2015

Well, Guru has somehow made it to our last issue of 2014. The year has been a blur of procrastinating by sleeping under our desks, copious amounts of vodka, and lots of grammatical mistakes – but hey, we hope you were mildly entertained and that your birds enjoyed having our pages line their cages.    

We know that everyone is already in vacation mode, but before we bid farewell to the office to head out to our luxury yachts and private jets, we would like to use this time to look forward and offer our hopes for the next year. Of course, we don't expect a change in the calendar to make things dramatically change, but perhaps we can all work together to make these 15 wishes we have for 2015 come true:

1. At least three more months of cool weather. Pretty please. We can't go back to sweating like we used to. If climate conditions don't permit this to happen, then we hope that developers take a break from building hotels/shopping malls, and try their hand at constructing a giant air-con dome that will encase Bangkok.     

2. A better relationship between drivers and bicyclists. Now that bikes are becoming a common fixture on Bangkok's roads, vehicles must do better than dangerously tail cyclists and then aggressively overtake them. However feel free to still cut off motorcycles though because they are just downright annoying.   

3. For all phones to finally have 4G. We'll even settle for 3.001G. Anything is better than the current joke that is 3G which spends most of its time reverting to E anyway.

4. Stricter regulations on noise pollution. From deafening engines vroom-ing late into the night, presenters talking on microphones to no one at shopping malls, loudspeakers blaring in every open area, security guards abusing their whistle-blowing privileges, and co-workers yelling their lunch plans across the office, our bleeding eardrums could all benefit from turning the volume down a bit.

5. To never hear the phrase "no meter" again.

6. Technology-charging stations at more venues such as department stores, bars and restaurants. How can we become the true "selfie hub" of the world if our devices are running low on battery? But for those of us who aren't vain, having chargers available around town is just practical for when we need to call our chauffeurs/inform friends we are running an hour late/stalk an ex through various social media platforms.

7. Being able to enter a public restroom (usually at a gas station) without running out in horror at the sights and smell. But be careful not to slip when fleeing because there's always a layer of stank water covering the floor for some reason.

8. Fining people who still don't understand these basic things:

- The concept of a queue.

- What "personal space" means.

- Red lights.

9. Prohibiting luxury cars from getting all the attention and prime spaces at parking lots. It would be a lot better if attendants spent their time ensuring that handicapped parking spaces were used legitimately. Heck, it would actually be a lot better if this whole city provided more disability-friendly services but we don't expect that to happen until 3015.

10. More public holidays that aren't the result of a coup/political protest/citywide shutdown. Instead we should be able to take time off to celebrate the wonderful things that make up Thailand such as "National Mango and Sticky Rice Day", "Stay Home and Rest Because There's Too Much Traffic to Leave the House Today", or "It's Too Hot to Work Week".

11. Banning public buses from the streets once a month. At least this way we won't have to fear for our lives and can have some peace of mind for 12 days out of the year.

12. Continuing with the trend of pop-up markets, vintage festivals and foodie fests. These events have added colour to the city this past year, and we'll need all the fun we can get now that the powers-that-be are making the city bland by cracking down on entertainment venues, street stalls, and the infamous roadside booze-wagons.

13. For all government officials to ask themselves this question before they speak: "Is what I'm about to say ridiculously stupid and shows I'm completely out of touch with reality?"

14. To completely eliminate corruption, curb censorship and move closer to true democracy. Oh, and that unicorns come to Thailand, puppies stay puppies forever, and traffic ceases to exist.

15. That you have a safe and happy New Year. Whether you're spending Dec 31 by hitting up every party in town or going to bed at 10pm (like we'll be doing), we wish you all the best for 2015. See you back here next year which will no doubt still be filled with procrastinating by sleeping under our desks, copious amounts of vodka, and lots of grammatical mistakes.

Sumati Sivasiamphai

Former Guru Editor

Our Guru section former editor. She has writen numerous features the metro lifestyle section.

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