I don't fool myself into believing that anything I write in this space will transform an entire country. Of course, I'm not trying to start any revolutions here. All I've ever wanted is for certain people to stop annoying me with their bothersome behaviours. I don't think that's too much to ask, is it?
Although I don't expect anything to change, I'll be damned if I don't keep trying. This week, I've outlined four annoying actions and their culprits so there's no confusion about who's perpetrating the misdeeds. I can only hope these behaviours will stop (but probably won't) after I spend the rest of this column complaining about it.
The crime: Standing behind a car that's trying to park.
The offenders: Parking lot attendants/security guards/makeshift traffic directors.
The scenario: You know how they say you shouldn't stand directly behind a horse to prevent the possibility of getting kicked? Well, it seems those who take it upon themselves to help vehicles manoeuvre into a parking spot never got that bit of insight. Drivers already have to deal with the blaring whistles of guards, frenzied hand gestures of the attendant, and sometimes a group of people who come out of nowhere, all to help you reverse into a parking space. Then, to add to the stress, the guide also makes the not-so-smart decision to stand directly behind the car just to get you to move one extra millimetre! There's really no reason for aides to incite more panic when cars come with these magical things called mirrors, and even sometimes fancy sensors and video cameras. Perhaps Thai cars should come with a warning that says, "Parking attendants are as close as they appear."
The crime: The false answer of "We don't have it."
The offenders: Salespeople/supermarket employees.
The scenario: We all need a little help at stores sometimes, whether it be finding where the extra-large pint of ice cream is, or locating the extra-extra-large clothing we will eventually need for all the junk we consume. So you may first walk around in circles trying to find the item yourself (no easy feat in the many illogically-mapped stores), before caving and asking someone for assistance. But more often than not, your query is met with the typical response of "We don't have it." That would be all fine and dandy, and you should probably move on, except in the many instances you realise the item is actually available when you stumble upon it yourself! Chalk it up to laziness or a misunderstanding with the employees, but sometimes asking for help leads to more difficulties than if you handled it independently.
The crime: Not putting your cell phone on silent at the office.
The offenders: Every employee ever.
The scenario: You may be sitting at your cubicle when you notice there seems to be a juicy gossip-fest going on at the water cooler. So, like every nosy person, you jump out of your uncomfortable work chair to see what's going on, while leaving your cell phone on your desk. Of course, as fate would have it, the moment you walk away is when your phone decides to start ringing. Loudly. And with some annoying ringtone that the whole office must be subjected to. What's even worse, given that we live in a world of instant gratification, the caller may decide to try you a few times because it's just unheard of that you might be away from your phone or not have it strapped to your chest. So while you're off learning what Somchai in accounting said to his cute secretary, the rest of us are stuck hearing the sound of dogs barking for three whole missed calls.
The crime: The "Forgive me for doing something illegal/selfish" hand wave.
The offenders: Bad drivers.
The scenario: It's a red light and you're patiently waiting in the right lane to make a U-turn. The light turns green and you're about to go, when suddenly some vehicle from the left/middle lane cuts you off and darts in front of you to take the turn. You could curse, honk or exhibit whatever anger you wish, but the wrongdoer will always get away with it. Why? Because drivers have taken the so-called "apologetic hand wave" and given it a life of its own to allow them to impatiently push their way into any situation! Motorcyclists will signal so they can dangerously cut in front of you, bus drivers and their passengers stick their hand out the window to almost run you over, and everyone else thinks a mere wave of the hand equals repentance! There is one other hand signal I can think of to combat this situation, but let's hope it won't come to such obscenity.