Travels with friends and family

Travels with friends and family

I am blessed to have great friends. They are the people who have helped me manoeuvre past the obstacles life has thrown at me over the years, and the ones who have joined me in moments of great pleasure. And there have been a great many.

Last week I had another one of those great moments — a three-day trip with friends.

There is a slight difference between travelling with family and travelling with friends. Both are loved ones who you enjoy being with, no matter what the circumstances. 

But with family, there tend to be expectations and responsibilities. You have to make plans — and propose destinations, accommodations, meals and modes of transportation — that will please everyone. The natural hierarchy within the family unit also adds to the expectation that your kids will always listen to you and accept what you say. Those of you who have children will know that's not always the case. You probably also know how hard it is to please your kids. Each one has a different body clock and routine, food and activity preference. 

When they are with other people these demands tend to be pushed aside out of courtesy, or simply by a willingness to go with the flow. But with family, these demands — and moods — become more prominent. Keeping the peace becomes yet another responsibility, on top of all the organising and preparation that goes into a holiday. 

When you've gone to the trouble of making plans and they are not met with 100% approval and appreciation, you can get pretty upset. 

"Here's what we're going to do today: ....."

"Boring."

"OK, so what do you want to do?"

"I dunno ... up to you."

Holidays with family can get frustrating at times.

With friends, though, things are much more relaxed. We all throw in ideas and vote. It's all very democratic. If someone doesn't want to join a particular activity, they can feel free to pass without any feelings of kreng jai or guilt.

We all have our particular quirks, moods and annoying habits. But the thing is that no one pays attention to any of that. The older we get, the more pronounced these quirks become. We snore, we scratch, we burp, we forget things, we repeat ourselves, we make the same old jokes and still laugh, and we sing off-key.

Would your kids go to a karaoke session with you? I don't think so. My kids cringe when I start singing in the shower. They bang on the door, rolling their eyes. If I sang in public with them, they would probably disown me.

I would never go to a karaoke session by choice. But with friends, it can be a lot of fun. There are a lot of missed notes and rhythms and shaky vibratos, but everyone laughs and applauds. "Encore, encore!" we shout. Other guests gradually slide away, into the dark shadows of the exit. They are no match for this big gang of loud auntie women singing Connie Francis songs.

I am totally spoiled when I travel with friends. One person makes the arrangements, another takes photographs, another handles the money and yet another gets friendly with the locals and asks lots of questions, making our trip a learning curve of culture and ethnicity. 

I just sit back and enjoy myself.

My kids eat different things, so family meals can be rather complicated. But eating with friends is great fun. We have the same taste in food, so we each order as many dishes as we like, and we know it's all going to be finished. My kids invariably find something that they like among the huge variety on the table, so they're happy too!

My kids take their mother's friends in stride. They've grown up with these aunties and put up with the same questions every time they meet. 

"My, how you've grown! How old are you now? What year are you studying in? Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet?"

They have listened to the same jokes, the same anecdotes time and time again, and they'll laugh dutifully, not even rolling their eyes. When the non-stop talk sessions start, they'll quietly excuse themselves and slip away, back to their own devices.

They have come to the conclusion that Mum's friends aren't that bad. One day, they may even decide to join the conversation!

Usnisa Sukhsvasti is the features editor of the Bangkok Post.

Usnisa Sukhsvasti

Feature Editor

M.R. Usnisa Sukhsvasti is Bangkok Post’s features editor, a teacher at Chulalongkorn University and a social worker.

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