Good morning! Well, I hope it is, although if you are anything like Crutch you are probably more likely to be scrambling for the pain-killers right now.
The festive season — otherwise known as Jinger Ben time — is well and truly upon us, not that there is much to get festive about.
It can be a rather gruelling fortnight, wearing silly paper hats, pretending to enjoy tired Christmas songs and generally behaving in a jovial fashion when the last thing you feel is jovial.
I’m beginning to sound like Ebenezer Scrooge, although I’m not quite sure how “Bah, Humbug!” translates into Thai. Scrooge, of course, featured in A Christmas Carol, the 1843 novella by Charles Dickens which played a huge role in the revival of Christmas traditions in Britain during Victorian times.
The Sunday Telegraph in 1998 even went as far as calling Dickens “The Man Who Invented Christmas”, although perhaps “re-invented” would have been a little more accurate.
Considering all the depressing news we have been subjected to lately, the festive season this year is actually something of a welcome break. We might as well make the most of it, because one suspects the coming year is not likely to be a real bundle of laughs.
In his Devil’s Dictionary, the 19th century American journalist Ambrose Bierce described Christmas Day as: “A day set apart and consecrated in gluttony, drunkenness, maudlin sentiment, public dullness and domestic behaviour.”
In other words, for some of us it is just like any other day of the year. Fortunately he didn’t comment on Christmas Eve, or we would be in real trouble.
Just dropping in
There is one particular Christmas Eve I remember with fondness, back in the 1970s in the small town of Kalibo, on the island of Panay in the Philippines.
Normally a quiet spot, Kalibo erupts once a year when it hosts the At-atihan festival in January, advertised as “three days of drinking, dancing and eating” ... and you’d better believe it.
But this was Christmas Eve, and like many towns in the Philippines at that time, Kalibo was suffering its nightly “brownout”, a temporary electricity blackout. I was walking along the street, looking for a place to have a beer.
This is not normally a problem in the Philippines, but at Christmas the whole place shuts.
Then I heard the sounds of disco music and laughter, coming from up some stairs which were lit by an enticing red glow.
It looked quite promising, so I stumbled up the stairs, only to find I was in someone’s house and had unwittingly gate-crashed a family Christmas party.
I made due apologies, but was grabbed by the host who thrust a glass of whisky into one hand and a plate of food into the other and insisted I stay … and dance.
The remainder of the evening was spent with these delightful people, singing, drinking, dancing and eating.
It was exclusively disco music and I recall making a total fool of myself prancing around to YMCA by the Village People and assorted songs by Donna Summer, but no one seemed to care.
It was a marvellous experience.
Mind you, I felt pretty rough on Christmas Day.
The Kalasin Santa
A surprisingly large number of Santas can be spotted in Thailand at this time of the year.
I have a retired Australian friend who has just bought a splendid Santa outfit. On Christmas Day he will be roaming the lanes of his village in Kalasin dressed in full Santa regalia, including thick beard, handing out sweets for the kids, and probably a lot of villagers who aren’t kids.
His “Ho! Ho! Ho!” might have bit of an Aussie twang to it, but he is doing it purely because he wants to.
Just how long he will survive in the heat with the heavy Santa outfit is another matter.
He could quickly become a Very Sweaty Santa, so if anyone happens to spot him (he answers to the name of Possum), I’m sure he wouldn’t turn down a cold “tinnie” (beer).
Christmas with Granny
The passing of actor Warren Mitchell last month brought to mind one Christmas Day watching a special Till Death Do Us Part episode in 1966.
I was sitting with my 80-year-old grandma at her house in Farnborough, having told her how much I enjoyed the programme, but fearing its boldness might not be to her liking.
In the show, the Garnett family was sitting at the table bickering as usual.
Then the Queen’s Christmas Message comes on the television and as the national anthem starts up, Alf, still wearing a silly paper hat, suddenly leaps to attention at the table, while the other three gape at him in disbelief.
Contrary to my fears, grandma thought it was hilarious, although she did inquire as to what “silly old moo” meant.
The Great Escape
As for tourists who come to this predominantly Buddhist nation to escape the excesses of commercialised Christmas — well, you had better try somewhere else.
Thai people have the wonderful ability to celebrate anything as long as it offers
the possibility of a good time and is sanook (fun). And Chrissamass definitely fits the bill.
On that note, I would like to wish everyone a terrific festive season and may all your Jinger Ben experiences be just the way they should be … splendidly out of tune.
PostScript via email at oldcrutch@hotmail.com.