So Capt Jack Sparrow (alias Johnny Depp) and his dogs didn't have to walk the plank after all, following their indiscretions in Australia while filming the latest version of the never-ending Pirates of the Caribbean. It was bit of an anti-climax really -- like some of Depp's recent films.
Capt Jack was also fortunate to avoid other traditional seafaring punishments, such as the cat o' nine tails and keelhauling, a particularly unpleasant ordeal whereby offenders are thrown overboard and then dragged along the keel. Their bodies are scraped against sharp barnacles and other unmentionable objects that attach themselves to a ship's hull.
Depp and his wife Amber Heard also offered a rather embarrassing "apology" in the form of a video, variously described as "weird", "bizarre", "cringeworthy" or "excruciating", depending on which newspaper you read. Guardian film critic Peter Bradshaw awarded the video one star, commenting that it was "a strange performance".
Barnaby Joyce, the Australian politician who last year told Depp to "bugger off back to the US" with the two dogs, Pistol and Boo, was less than impressed by the video, which featured considerable mumbling by Depp. Joyce commented: "he looked like he was auditioning for The Godfather", a reference no doubt to master mumbler Marlon Brando.
Dogs of war
Pistol and Boo may be cute, but a much more worthy dog made the news earlier this month in a very different manner. Lucca, a 12 year-old US Marine Corps Alsatian, lost her left front leg and suffered severe burns when she was blown up by a bomb while on patrol in Afghanistan four years ago.
The dog, which had carried out 400 missions in Afghanistan, was awarded the Dickin Medal, the animal equivalent of a Victoria Cross, by a British humane organisation, at London's Wellington Barracks.
"The explosion was huge and I immediately feared the worst for Lucca," said her handler, Corporal Juan Rodriguez. "She had saved my life on so many occasions."
Only moments before the explosion, the dog had discovered another 13kg bomb which would have wiped out the patrol.
Stubby's finest hour
Dogs feature in many tales of valour. In World War I there was an American bulldog, called Stubby, who definitely acted above and beyond the call of duty. Stubby, whose job was to sniff out the enemy, was in the trenches in France and survived 18 battles, getting himself promoted to sergeant in the process.
In 1918, just like Lucca, Sgt Stubby was seriously wounded by an explosion, but after a period of convalescence bravely returned to the trenches. Stubby was involved in all sorts of heroic exploits and by the time he returned to the US he was a national hero.
His courage was eventually officially recognised in 1920 when he was awarded a gold medal for his wartime service.
Space oddity
Anyone as ancient as me may recall Laika, the first dog in space, back in 1957 aboard the Soviet Union's Sputnik 2. In the US the dog was dubbed "Muttnik". Unfortunately for Laika, it was a one-way ticket, as the USSR did not have the technology to get the module back to Earth safely. In animal-loving Britain they even held a minute's silence in respect of Laika.
Many years later, one of the Soviet scientists involved in Sputnik 2 displayed some remorse: "The more time passes, the more I'm sorry about it. We shouldn't have done it," he said.
Finally, in 1997, the Soviets erected a statue of Laika in an area originally called in Russian the less than inspiring, "closed military townlet No 1", but is now known as Star City. Since those original doggy flights, all sorts of unfortunate creatures have whizzed around in space including mice, rats, monkeys, tortoises, hamsters, squirrels, cats and even stick insects. One suspects none of the creatures appreciated the views from the spacecraft.
A four-legged friend
While in a somewhat sentimental mood, it would be remiss not to mention the 1920s tale of Hachiko, an Akita dog from the prefecture of the same name in northern Japan.
The dog's owner was a University of Tokyo professor, and Hachiko would diligently wait at Shibuya station late every afternoon to greet the professor on his way home.
One day in May 1925, the professor did not return, having succumbed to a cerebral haemorrhage while teaching.
Despite this, the loyal dog showed up at the station every afternoon for the next nine years, nine months and 15 days, waiting for its master to return.
The dog became a familiar sight amongst commuters and there is a statue of Hichiko outside Shibuya station.
The story was made into a film Hachiko: A Dog's Story, in 2009, starring Richard Gere with the location moved to Rhode Island. It is quite a poignant tale and if you ever see it, keep the handkerchiefs handy.
When doves cry
Yet another one gone. I wake up Friday morning to find multi-talented singer Prince, has passed away at just 57.
OK, he looked a bit weird at times -- "androgynous" I think you call it -- but he was a hugely gifted, original musician and possessed a wonderful sense of rhythm.
On some albums he played every instrument.
If you are feeling a bit down after all these sad tales, I suggest you put on Prince's song 1999. That should get you bouncing around again.
PostScript via email at oldcrutch@hotmail.com.