#WishList
Dear Santa, I know I haven't been 100% good this year, but I cannot be held accountable for the things I do when I am hungry, tired or PMSing. Surely you can cut me some slack? Say mai pen rai for once?
Since today is Christmas Day, one of the jolliest days of the year, I hope you'll be so kind as to hear me out. There are a few things that would make my awesome life even awesomer. Here is what I want for Christmas.
1) Zero-calorie French fries
We have sent men to the Moon, but we can't make French fries calorie-free? How is that possible? Please, Santa, remove calories from French fries -- and while you're at it, make chocolate and ice cream healthy. That would make my fitness goals much easier to achieve.
2) Cooler weather in Bangkok
It's December, and it's hot as hell. Not that I've been to Hell, but you know, figuratively speaking. It just doesn't feel right to hear Jingle Bells playing softly while I wipe the sweat from my forehead. See these rings under my sleeves? That's my armpits crying, begging for your mercy.
3) A flying car
The average Bangkokian spends about two hours per day in traffic. That's 730 hours each year -- the equivalent of one month. What a waste of time. If only my car could fly so I could be free from this traffic. Plus, it could hover in the sky when I am not able to find a parking spot at Siam Paragon on a Saturday afternoon.
4) A real "smart" phone
Is it just me or does everyone else get a few calls a day from insurance and credit card companies? They have this ability to call you at the most inconvenient times, such as when you're in the shower, in a meeting or in the middle of a really good Candy Crush game. There should be a phone that diverts these calls back to the callers' parents, since I can't imagine anyone else who would be happy to hear from them.
5) A year in which nothing breaks down
This year, I've spent a lot of money fixing my car, phone, laptop, iPad, toilet, air-conditioner, rice cooker and much more. My mother's 30-year-old toaster still functions just fine, but my five-year-old car breaks down every other month. Why? Just WHY?
If only I could get all of these, Santa. I promise I'll be even nicer next year. I'll even recite the national "12 core values" out loud for you.