Reporting live, here comes Khun Obvious!

Reporting live, here comes Khun Obvious!

Sifting through the amount of information that's presented to us these days is like entering a hoarder's home and finding 582 pet carcasses before you actually stumble upon anything of value. And even then, what you think may be a rare antique brooch may actually be a hairball from 1937.

Besides trying to interject how much I love/hate the TV show Hoarders (it's always about me, me, me!), my point is that there's a lot of crap out there. And even worse, is when that crap tries to disguise itself as something of substance.

Lately this has been annoying me in the form of "research" and "warnings". You know, that thing where so-called smart people spend their time inundating society with findings that surprise no one ever. Conclusions as groundbreaking as "lack of sleep leads to tiredness", "breathing keeps you alive", or "loud co-workers make you wish they had a paper jam in their mouth".

Now, I'm not saying these findings aren't important, but the no-sh*t-Sherlock nature of it sometimes adds to the information overload. While we can only hope that people who have fancy degrees or expert titles will invest more energy figuring out important stuff like how Thailand can solve traffic, improve education, or combat the impending zombie-pocalypse, here are some of the more obvious findings that have been presented to the Thai public.

Thai people drink more alcohol than milk

Gasp! So what you're saying is that all those rich brats that speed around in their fancy cars at night don't have a high concentration of milk in their blood? That the numerous bars and clubs in the city don't only serve milk? By golly, I feel like I've just been hit in the face with an Obvious Punch!

However the Stop Drink Network of the Thai Health Promotion Foundation pointed out that Thais drink three litres of alcoholic beverages per head for every litre of milk they consume. Per year, this amounts to about 44 litres of alcohol per person versus 14.19 litres of milk (shouldn't we at least get a medal for this?). I'm extremely shocked at these statistics though, because it's often imbibing too much milk that causes me to make embarrassing calls at 4am.

Stress and debt lead employees to drink

And here I thought workers drink themselves numb when their boss constantly praises them and gives them a hefty raise! But apparently I've been living under Delusion Rock and should really join the Thai Health Promotion Foundation and Abac Poll Research Centre in climbing Obvious Mountain.

In a 2007 survey, one-third of employees reported that they spend an average of B815 on alcohol each month. The poll covered 3,468 respondents in 13 Thai provinces. Those who had financial strains and were stressed also engaged in other risks such as buying cigarettes. So basically, all this survey figured out was that "I need a drink" doesn't quite have the most positive meaning.

Everything that you already know could kill you

Did you know rainbows and puppies are the leading cause of death? Oh wait, that could only be possible if you happened to plummet to the ground after sliding down a rainbow, or if you were bitten by a rabid puppy.

In case you were enjoying your life, you might want to stop because the leading causes of premature death among men and women in Thailand according to Doctor Obvious are: excessive boozing, obesity, accidents, and horror of horrors, disease! This study was released by the Thai Health Promotion Foundation earlier this year, causing me to question if they just learned how to use Google, or just figured out that the liver is an important organ.

Consuming floodwater is bad for you

It's that time of the year again when the floods may or may not happen, depending on who you ask. So prepare yourself to wade through an Obvious Deluge. Oh wait, don't swim in floodwaters. And did you know that you shouldn't consume that stank ass, grimy liquid either?

Every time a flood comes round, the Public Health Ministry issues a warning against drinking floodwater because... well, because it's floodwater, silly! Have you seen how dirty Bangkok's streets get when it rains? Would you drink something that's possibly tainted with rats, garbage and germs presumably as bad as Hitler's evil heart? You might as well drink khlong water for that matter!

Last month, the Thai Health Ministry also warned people near flood-affected areas not to consume alcohol because they may fall in if they get too intoxicated. Now, drowning is no laughing matter, but c'mon people - do you see a pattern here or are you too drunk to notice?G

Sumati Sivasiamphai

Former Guru Editor

Our Guru section former editor. She has writen numerous features the metro lifestyle section.

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