Thailand's a wonderful place to live because we're never without colourful and exotic things happening on a daily basis.
The majority of Thais don't have a clue, and probably couldn't care less, what's happening to the banks in Cyprus, or that there's a new president in China. What they are all interested in is the ongoing saga of a Thai sausage in Buri Ram.
Don't tell me you haven't heard of the infamous Thai sausage in Buri Ram!
It started early last week.
Episode 1: A normal family was sitting down to dinner _ or it could have been lunch, but that's not the point. Mother had brought out three Isan sausages, which she bought from the market and fried. Her kids had eaten two, but left the last one. When she asked why they didn't finish the sausages, the youngest daughter said: "There's a kitten in it."
And sure enough, the sausage skin opened up to reveal a very dead kitten looking very much like a mummified version of Queen Nefertiti's pet feline.
Word soon spread in this small village, and the local newshounds sniffed a front page lead immediately.
The next day it was on national TV, with shocked Isan sausage aficionados demanding inspection of the kitten and the factory, which produced the said delicacy. Are they using extra dubious ingredients to combine with the usual dubious ingredients you find in Isan sausages? Is there lack of quality control? Is it a way to make cheap sausages and cull the stray dog/cat population at the same time? Is there anything even more dubious in there, such as slugs and snails and puppy dog tails? Or perhaps the hapless little kitten had just strayed a little too far from his mummy and fallen into the vat of pork gristle destined to be sausage stuffing.
Episode 2: Instead of burying or discarding the poor dead kitten, the owner put it on an altar and prayed for good luck. Pretty soon, the entire village had turned out with flowers and incense, hoping for a share of the good fortune. They secretly asked for the kitten to reveal to them the winning numbers of the next lottery, then headed straight to the underground lottery agent to bet on variations of the number 5-2, the house number of the family who bought the sausages and the age of the mother.
Interestingly enough, the numbers did turn up in the mid-month lottery cycle, making a lot of villagers marginally richer, and very happy.
The local shaman observed the dead kitten through his third eye, and determined that it was a deity incarnate, come to watch over the community. With that, the kitten was installed in a glass case, complete with presiding Buddha image, flowers, fruit offerings, candles and incense. There was no way they were giving up their deity to the public health officials to inspect.
Episode 3: The owner of the sausage factory, meanwhile, was sorely affected by this turn of events, with sales hitting an all-time low. He offered tours of the factory to show how hygienic it all was, and how there was no way a cat was going to fall into the vat.
He was also getting ready to sue the villagers for defamation.
The villagers, on the other hand, were getting ready for a lawsuit of their own. The shaman had "seen" that the kitten was actually a manifestation of the monkey god who would protect the village. They were indignant that the media had persisted in calling this relic a "dead kitten" when it was actually a "monkey god". So they passed the hat around to raise funds for possible charges against the media for defamation of their relic.
At time of press, I have no idea how the next episode turns out, but it's almost more exciting than Desperate Housewives. The moral of this story _ if there is one _ is that you shouldn't mess with people's beliefs. Buri Ram might be on the border, but it is a microcosm of the entire country.
In Thailand, there is no clear cut between Buddhism as a religion and Hinduism and animism as a way of life. Ratchaprasong intersection _ the heart of the city _ is a virtual Mount Meru. On various corners of the intersection are Brahma, Vishnu, Indra, Trimurati, Ganesh and Lakshmi.
Almost every household has a Buddha shelf and a spirit house in the garden where the guardian spirit of your home resides.
A friend of mine built a fancy house complete with fully grown tree that was dug up from some remote forest and transported to its new location in the Bangkok suburbs. His housekeeper whispered to me that the tree came complete with its resident spirit, a pretty lady who probably woke up from her nap totally disorientated, but settled down after some offerings were made.
Whenever I travel, I offer my prayers to the guardian spirits, requesting permission to stay the night, and asking for their protection.
Gods by most accounts are benevolent, so it's not the gods you should be worried about.
It's the people who take advantage of others... then put the blame on the gods.
Usnisa Sukhsvasti is the Features Editor of the Bangkok Post.