Slaughterhouse saviours with karma to burn

Slaughterhouse saviours with karma to burn

Saving a cow's life while tucking into a beef dish may seem morally dubious, but there is no rule book when it comes to merit-making and, hey, a good deed is just that

SOCIAL & LIFESTYLE
Slaughterhouse saviours with karma to burn

It was a fortuitous time for cows in Songkhla last Saturday when 10,000 of them were released from the steely jaws of a local slaughterhouse. That conjures up scenes of defiant bovines staging an uprising against their evil captors, not dissimilar to scenes from Ratchaprasong three years ago when the red shirts set fire to the city.

I shall be crucified for making that analogy, but let it be said both scenarios are misleading _ the cows staged no such uprising, and I understand we are now to view those arsonists as national heroes.

I will leave the red shirt business to Voranai. Let me handle the bovines.

The incident in question was a merit-making ceremony in the southern city of Hat Yai, my second home now that I have a branch of my school there.

See the picture? I was greeted with this sight in the no-parking zone across the road from my school _ no, not the motorbike rider, who is clearly a misfit since she is wearing a helmet and no-one in the South does that.

Nor is it the two cars in the no-parking zone, which riled me no end since I hate it when somebody gets there before I do.

I'm talking about the billboard!

"Spare the life of 10,000 cows and other farm animals!" it screams.

It's a merit making ceremony. Making merit is at the heart of the Buddhist religion, not dissimilar to "guilt" being the heart of Catholicism.

Buddhists believe in karma, and that everything you do comes back to you, good and bad.

This is not good news for those of us constantly turning over new leaves, deciding to curb anti-social behaviour in an effort to be a better person or to ward off an early death.

Basically whatever bad you have done will return to you, if not in this life then the next.

I am not thrilled with the justice of an evil person getting off scot-free in this life, but it does console me to know that the likes of Hitler, Stalin and Kardashian will return as lizards in their next lives.

The Christian concept of confessing one's sins for absolution doesn't quite hold in Buddhism.

Very early in my stay in Thailand I enthralled a crowd of Thai master's degree students, not because of my wit or hilarious anecdotes, but because the topic turned to religion.

Somebody had asked me what "you Christians" believe if we don't believe in karma. Being a faded Anglican, I was able to explain about asking God for forgiveness through prayer.

And if you were a Catholic, I added knowingly, you went to a confessional where a priest would instruct you to recite a number of "Hail Marys", and then you were OK.

"You mean I can kill my brother then go and just ask for forgiveness at the church, then it's OK?" one student, too smart for his own good, asked from the front row.

"Buddhists cannot do that," another said.

"It's not as easy as just saying sorry," spat the smarmy student in the front. He'd grow up to be a politician for sure.

"Oh but you have to feel remorse," I said pathetically, wondering how I'd suddenly become the defender of the Vatican.

"What about making merit?" another asked me as the titters died down. "Do you do that?"

"Of course, we do that! We donate money to the church," I said, failing to add that it was more to make sure Father John kept his pantry well-stocked with Uncle Toby's Oats during winter than a desire to right any karmic wrongs.

"I want to be a Christian," the smarmy guy up front said and everybody laughed. Yeah so you can murder people and cheat innocent pensioners out of their life savings, I thought to myself.

If you can't prevent karma coming backatcha, you can offset it by what the Thais call tam boon, or making merit.

First of all it is a selfless sacrifice, doing good without expecting anything in return. Second, it ensures good karma will come your way.

Logic lovers will point out that those two reasons are technically incompatible but I'm not going to argue religion, let alone find logic in it.

I'm simply saying there are conventional ways in which you can bring about good karma, and one of them is releasing cows from the slaughterhouse.

The first time I ever saw this was at Hua Hin's Wat Takiab, the decaying temple on the mountain in desperate need of a dynamic abbot rather than good karma.

I noticed a cow tied to the back of a pickup truck. Next to it was a sign: "OFF TO THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE".

I am not thrilled with such living reminders of where my Double Whopper With Cheese and Bacon comes from. Nevertheless I was intrigued.

"Save this cow! Make merit by buying this cow so that it can live out its life in peace!" the sign said. A man who looked like he'd murder my enemies for 10,000 baht stood nearby, smoking a dubious cigarette.

This poor beast is looking death in the eye. It is the equivalent of Batman strapped to the industrial machine, his head getting closer to the spinning blade, while Cesar Romero chortles with glee. Don't miss the next thrilling episode! Same bat time! Same bat channel!

I am expected to be Robin, who in the next episode flies in and does what Youthful Wards are expected to do (in daylight hours, at least) _ save his benefactor. Holy cow, Batman _ I gotta save the cow!

I have no doubt once I'd paid for that cow to cheat death, it would not have seen rolling hills where it could live out its life in rustic happiness.

That man would have hauled it off and parked at another fading temple the next day, only to be saved all over again.

It's like those ancient ladies whose lack of teeth are offset by the number of birds they have locked in their little wooden cages.

"Release a bird! Make merit!" they chortle from Erawan Square or any temple across the country.

So you give them 20 baht and you get to release a bird, the avian equivalent of unshackling that cow at the temple. Fly away, little white bird! Fly and be free!

I turn away, oblivious to the crash-and-burn that takes place not 60 seconds after my heroic act, when the clipped wings of that little white bird prevent its ability to fly.

The dentally-challenged washerwoman scoops up the little shaking thing with one weather-beaten hand and shoves it back headfirst into its wooden jail.

While the concussed bird recovers it is already being swung about again for the next sucker to fork over 20 baht for its momentary freedom.

I am all for making merit. I do it whenever I can, and not just to cover my religious bases. Whether karma exists or not, it can't be bad to do something selfless when the opportunity arises.

But is paying money to not kill a cow an act that borders on that oft-visited village of Nakhon Monty Python?

You wanna save a cow? Don't eat 'em! Or can I make merit with the cow and still enjoy my beef jerky? Karma must be scratching her head on that one.

One less cow in the slaughterhouse means one less living creature spared fear and confusion at the end of its life.

Is that karmically sound? Whether it is or not, I, like the cow, can live with that.

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