I'm so worked up right now that I can't even be bothered to cleverly launch into today's column. So I apologise, but it's really not my fault; blame Bangkok's taxi drivers for depriving you of the witty introduction you've come to expect each week.
Yes, it has finally happened. This city's cabbies have managed to piss me off so much that I'm going to expose their evilness for the world to see... erm, or at least for the two people reading this (hi mum and dad!).
"What has happened to upset such a beautiful, charming, intelligent girl like yourself?" you may be sympathetically wondering, as you scramble to prepare a gift of chocolates, cash and Chanels to send my way to help ease my anguish.
Well, I'll tell you what happened: Taxi drivers are d*cks (ducks, mum and dad, I mean ducks!).
It all began innocently enough, with the occasional driver grumbling about turning on the meter, refusing to go to a passenger's destination, or generally feeling emasculated at having to drive around in girly-coloured cabs. But in the past few months, it seems like taxi tempers have reached an all-time d*ckish high.
Of course, I didn't come to this heated conclusion without doing some thorough research first. I conducted a survey by flagging down passing taxis and asked the drivers: "What do you have to say to the notion that some Bangkokians are starting to view you as d*cks?" The results are:
- 40 per cent of vacant taxis sped by without giving me a chance to ask the question.
- 28 per cent of empty cabs stopped, rolled down their window, let me ask the question, then drove away without saying a word.
- 17 per cent of taxis said they would only answer the question if I went to [insert after-hours venue where they get commission].
- 15 per cent of drivers replied "B500, no meter".
So there you have it. Based on these irrefutable, exaggerated scientific findings, it's safe to say Bangkok's cabbies are d*cks.
I don't know if it's the ever-worsening congestion that's making them crankier or if the Buddhist amulets decorating their dashboards are losing their calming touch. I understand that it's hard to cover the cost of renting taxis or fuel prices considering the B35 starting fare has remained unchanged for so long. Perhaps drivers feel like they can regulate themselves with no consequences given that there are about 80,000 unregistered taxis in the city.
Back in September 2012, the Department of Land Transport vowed to crack down on this issue. Jilted passengers could call the department's hotline at 1584 to file their complaints, and bad drivers would be fined B1,000, while really, really bad drivers would get their licence suspended or revoked.
Last week, remembering my rights as a disgruntled passenger, I decided to take a picture of the licence plate of the ninth - seriously, ninth - taxi that refused to take me to my soi. Boy, oh boy, when the driver caught wind of my iPhone-ography, he started cursing at me like he just found me in bed with his lover. Needless to say, I called up our strongest Guru intern and made him give me a piggyback ride home.
Along with these intimidating tactics, many cab drivers I've had lately drive erratically and complain about every single thing whether it's stopping to pick up a friend on the way, or just seemingly hating that I'm breathing the same air as them. These taxi drivers are giving the actual hardworking ones out there a really bad reputation.
So what can we do? Sure, there's the BTS and all that (which I do take when it's operating), but what options do we have late at night? I'm a lifestyle magazine editor for god's sake, it's my job to be out on the town. But also as a lifestyle magazine editor, I'm not rich enough to bribe cops to get away with drink-driving so I have no choice but to take a cab.
I guess if we look at it from a cab driver's perspective, it's not so bad; they get to decide what they want to do, when they feel like doing it, who they feel like doing it with, and how much they should get paid doing it. If we could all do that at our jobs, we'd probably become d*cks too.G