To celebrate Father's Day tomorrow, Life explores how the idea of fatherhood has evolved _ and how it's no longer framed by one's gender or sexual preference.
Rungtiwa Tangkanopast, Chomchanok Tangkanopast and Phanlavee Chongtangsattam.
A tale of three daddies
As a child conceived by artificial insemination, Chomchanok Tangkanopast says she labels three people as "Dad" _ her biological father, her mother and her mother's girlfriend.
"Having these three people around is the best thing in my life. And we all understand each other," says Chomchanok, 12, who now lives with her biological mother, Rungtiwa Tangkanopast, and Rungtiwa's female partner, Phanlavee Chongtangsattam, 33.
The couple made headlines on Valentine's Day this year when they dressed up as bride and groom and went to the Bang Rak City Hall to register a civil partnership. As they are both women, they were rejected.
Despite now being a loving family, the story behind this father-mother-daughter relationship is actually quite complicated. Rungtiwa and Phanlavee have lived together as a couple for almost 10 years. But when they first met, Rungtiwa was not alone.
Rungtiwa never wanted to get married and have a child of her own. Since she was young, she never felt she was born to be a man's wife. But 12 years ago her mother was diagnosed with a terminal stage of cancer, and she did not feel at ease seeing her only daughter living without a life partner. Rungtiwa discussed this with her gay friend who agreed to "marry" her to appease Rungtiwa's mother _ and so people would stop criticising his sexual preference.
"Three months after our marriage, my mum's condition considerably improved. And she started to ask when I would have a baby. So I decided to undergo artificial insemination with hope that this new family member would help prolong my mother's life again, just like when I decided to wed," says Rungtiwa.
The artificial insemination was carried out using the sperm of Rungtiwa's lawfully wedded _ albeit gay _ husband. Chomchanok was born from that union. When the girl was around three years old, Rungtiwa developed a crush on Phanlavee _ the woman who became the love of her life and who was introduced to Chomchanok soon after the couple first met.
Phanlavee remembers that time fondly. "[Chomchanok and I] suddenly became like friends. She has fulfilled my life, and I have never [felt] an unwanted part in hers. Our lives were full of laughter, and the three of us gradually became like a real family," she says. Rungtiwa's mother later found out the truth about her daughter's same-sex relationship. Fortunately she was able to accept it.
In this all-female family, the role of a father is not played by Phanlavee, despite her tomboy-like looks. Neither has Rungtiwa taken the role of a mother. The couple believes fatherhood is more like a concept than a job identified by one's gender or outer appearance.
''When we were young, we thought a father is a male parent who created us and brought us up,'' Phanlavee says. ''Even though I am not [Chomchanok's] biological father, I love her and care about her as if she is my own. I give her everything a parent could ever give. She does not have to call me Dad. All I want is for her to be happy and to turn to me whenever she is in trouble.
''Fatherly and motherly love is unconditional. It is a love that does not ask for anything in return. When you are in a romantic relationship, you want the one you love to love you back. But as a father or a mother, you love your child without any condition. You just want to see her smiling when she is back from school. That's all.''
As a lesbian couple, raising and being role models for their girl is a real challenge. And they admit that their sexual orientation might in some way influence how Chomchanok develops her future relationships.
''When she sees her mother being happy with the person she chooses to spend the rest of her life with, she might want to copy that,'' Rungtiwa says. ''But I am fully supportive of whatever she chooses, because she is the only one who knows what is best for herself.''
At school, Chomchanok is frequently questioned about her parents' sexual identities. Yet she never feels uncomfortable with or intimidated by those private questions. To her, all that matters is for everybody in the family to lead their own lives the way they are, and to enjoy their time together.
''A father does not have to be a man,'' Chomchanok says. ''But a father is whoever loves me as much as a mum does. We do not have to even meet, but we can call each other when we feel like talking. This is all that I need.''
For video of this story, visit www.bangkokpost.com/multimedia
- ARUSA PISUTHIPAN
Somsak and Richie Chalachol.
The emperor's son
Notorious for his flamboyant lifestyle, outrageous parties and blunt honesty when it comes to his homosexuality, Somsak Chalachol _ the emperor of Chalachol, a long-standing hairdressing empire _ admits that he has considerably toned down for the sake of his 11-year-old adopted son, Richie Chalachol.
"Before I adopted Richie, I thought I could only find happiness in fame and parties. This doesn't ring true to me anymore. I am extremely happy to have him in my life, and my main focus is on him now," said Somsak, who legally claimed Richie when he was one year old. "Of course, I've changed my life a lot to raise Richie, and I do that willingly. I don't go out so much, and I try not to act over-the-top because I don't want my kid to get teased. I haven't been in a relationship at all since I've got Richie. I've even modified my speech pattern. You know, I used to use to call my friends 'witch' jokingly every now and then, but when Richie was three years old, he picked up the word, and said it out loud. I was shocked, and decided to drop all the bad words from then on."
Somsak has never kept mum when it comes to the back story of his beloved son. Richie is not related to him by blood _ the boy's biological father is Somsak's nephew, but he and his partner couldn't care for him due to their circumstances.
"The minute I saw him, I fell in love," Somsak said. "I was getting older, and it was time for me to settle down, so it wasn't a difficult decision. My mother was also dying around the same period, so I think, in a way, Richie filled that void for me. Moreover, I've been helping other people all my life, so I thought why shouldn't I help my own family members out?"
Somsak decided from the get-go that Richie should address him as "Grandpa", as he believed calling him otherwise could cause social stigma for the young one.
"He is my son. It doesn't matter that he calls me Grandpa. I intentionally taught him to call me that because I knew he would get teased by some people if he called me Daddy [when there's no mother around], and people around the country are well aware of who I am," he said.
Somsak said he oversees the bigger picture of Richie's life, and has a nanny to help out with details. Somsak said if he died right now, Richie would be taken care of financially, according to his extensive security plans.
As much as he loves having his son around the house at all times, Somsak has enrolled him in the pretigious all-male boarding school, Vajiravudh College. Somsak admits to being obsessed with boarding school, believing that such controlled environments instill disciplines, interpersonal skills, tolerance and lifelong friendships.
''I didn't have any connections, so I just held Richie's hand and went to talk to the school. He had to take four tests, and he was accepted,'' Somsak said. ''At first, I was nervous because as a baby boomer, I always had this picture of a 'perfect' family with two parents in a traditional way. I was worried other kids in the class wouldn't understand our family. But it turned out that half of the students come from divorced households, so it wasn't anything to fret about. Now, he's doing really well, and getting into rugby and music. I am very proud of him.''
As for his sexuality, Somsak said he's always been open, and he doesn't see the need to hide anything from his son.
''He knows, and I'll always give him honest answers to every question he might have. He might have more questions when he's older, but that can be dealt with,'' he said. ''I think kids these days are more accepting, and they understand much more.
''There's a son of a well-known actor in my son's class, and that actor oftens performs in drag, or takes extremely campy, feminine roles. No one is bothering him about it.''
As an openly gay and proud man, Somsak supports community causes, but is rather indifferent when it comes to gay marriage.
''To me, it's just a piece of paper. Thailand is already a paradise for gay people. We can have a happy life doing what we want here, so I don't feel that we need to have that paper,'' he said.
Having built a safe nest for Richie, Somsak is excited to see how the future will unfurl for the son who has fulfilled his life.
Still, he cautions single gay parents to seriously consider all possibilities before adopting.
''Kids are cute when they are little, and when you first look at them, they're cuddly and all that. But you have to remember that they are human beings, and you have to devote your entire life to them. If you are not ready to take on such precious responsibilities, don't do it,'' he said.
- ONSIRI PRAVATTIYAGUL
