Unpleasant stories about men's aggression and violence towards their family members continue to surface. And violent behaviour can be assimilated through the family environment as children grow up. Boys who witness or even fall victim to domestic violence tend to use violence to deal with problems.
Dr Panpimol Wipulakorn, deputy director of the Department of Mental Health, Ministry of Public Health, said that fathers play a pivotal role in shaping their sons' attitudes and behaviour, including violence against women. She observed that domestic violence can occur when a father feels the need to control family members and assert dominant masculinity in the family; for example, a man may think he has the right to punish his wife when she behaves inappropriately.
"Parents' attitudes can positively or negatively affect their sons' lives," Dr Panpimol said. "Some families think it's fine to let boys fight and get hurt as the result of their decisions." The psychiatrist added that a boy usually learns from watching how his father reacts to different situations and how he solves problems, particularly whether he handles a challenge to his masculinity using violence.
Dr Pongsak Noipayok, head of the Division of Developmental and Behavioural Paediatrics, Faculty of Medicine, Vajira Hospital, echoed Dr Panpimol's view.
"Children usually observe how people react in real life as well as on television more than we tell them what to do," he said.
When it comes to raising a boy, the father is the main role model in forming and maintaining good relationships with women. Dr Panpimol noted that a boy will see if his father treats women well, especially his wife, and how he speaks and behaves towards her particularly during a disagreement.
"It's very important for a father to guide him to do the right actions and to show good personality traits he wants his son to embrace. And boys get the message," she said.
For a very young boy, Dr Panpimol pointed out learning about themselves is of paramount importance. As a result, they will learn about social expectations about their role and how to behave in society.
Dr Pongsak said that energetic boys need to be encouraged to use their strength and occupy themselves in a healthy way. For example, parents should teach them to use their strength to help those in need or to defend themselves, but not to harm others.
"Encourage them to engage in sports or other physical activities," he said.
There is a belief that men need to be aggressive, to be brave or to always win. Men in some cultures are inculcated to conceal their feelings and to hide signs of vulnerability. To be emotionally healthy, however, Dr Pongsak said boys should be allowed to express their feelings and emotions in a good way.
"Crying doesn't mean a man is a wimp. Men should cry when they need to," Dr Pongsak said.
However, he continued, sometimes it's just not the right occasion, such as crying in public. Parents should also educate a boy to control his feelings and to keep himself from crying until he feels more comfortable to do so like in his bedroom.
Dr Panpimol pointed out that boys who are taught to repress their feelings may develop a poor relationship with their partners in the future. The psychiatrist said that a number of female patients complained that their partners don't communicate honestly, preferring to be silent when it comes to relationship problems.
"When a boy learns to deal with a range of emotions when he is young, he has empathy for others," she said.
It's imperative for parents, according to Dr Pongsak, to be explicit and open when dealing with their sons' behaviour: For example, they could tell them, "I'm very happy you share your chocolate with your friends" or "I know that you are sad about not getting good grades but I think crying is too much".
By taking this approach, boys can learn to read and respond to emotions.
Meanwhile, parents should also get their sons to share their thoughts and feelings, the doctor continued, so boys know there is always someone they can trust. This can help them develop good relationships with others. When they talk, parents should always give him their full attention, respect his feelings and attempt to understand his views.
"Parents shouldn't let boys distance themselves when they are feeling distressed. Instead give them a shoulder to cry on. And always communicate with them in a reasonable way and try not to shame them," he said.
Whenever parents encounter a conflict between boys, they should take this as an opportunity to teach them, Dr Pongsak said. For example, when boys fight over toys or sweets, point out that violence is not the best way to deal with conflict.
"Explain to them why it's not good. And be creative when offering a good option to deal with the issue," the doctor said.
