The recent stories of Hollywood divorces reminded me of one of the renowned acerbic interchanges between Lady Astor and Winston Churchill.
Lady Astor: If I were your wife, I would put poison in your tea.
Churchill: If I were your husband, I would drink it.
Yet Churchill had a long and happy marriage to his wife Clementine, and today in Thailand's beach resorts, restaurants and (alas) bars, men will still be asking women to marry them. What happens next?
Interestingly, irrespective of whether the couple intends to have a traditional or a civil marriage, the betrothal (ie engagement) is treated by the Civil and Commercial Code (hereafter the "code") as a contract. The act states that the betrothal is not valid until the man gives the woman property (khongman) as evidence the marriage will take place. The man is also to give sinsod to the wife's parents in return for the wife agreeing to marry him.
The khongman is the Thai equivalent of an engagement ring and the sinsod is in effect a dowry payable to the wife's family. A dowry in this modern age? These days the sinsod is often then given by the recipients — the wife's parents — to the new couple as founding assets for the marriage. Unlike dowries in some other cultures, the sinsod is negotiable and the amount reflects the woman's education, status and any previous marriages/children she may have.
The code provides guidance as to when the khongman or the sinsod should be returned, and when they can be retained. For example, if a woman commits a breach of the betrothal agreement and the marriage is called off, the khongman is to be returned to the man and the sinsod is probably also repayable. Compensation may also be due. The act even has a section expressly providing a right of action against a person who has sex with your spouse to be, if that person knew or ought to have known of the engagement.
There are two forms of marriage in Thailand — civil marriages and traditional marriages. These days it is common for couples to do both; a generation ago many couples favoured traditional ceremonies only. The differences matter. A marriage by way of a traditional ceremony may have profound moral, emotional and religious meaning for the lucky couple, their families and their god, but it has no legal import. Only a civil marriage, registered at a district office in Thailand, has legal effect. This is comparable to other cultures in which a couple may choose to marry in a church to fulfil their religious duties, but must subsequently have the marriage registered to achieve the intended legal effect.
The process for a traditional Thai wedding has three stages — the betrothal (ie proposal), the marriage and the reception. Despite monks being present during the festivities, traditional Thai weddings are considered to be non-religious affairs that need not take place in a temple. Unlike Western marriage ceremonies, no vows are exchanged, but the smaller ceremonies that take place in between the three main events (including a merit-making ceremony, the khan mak procession, the gate ceremony, the shell ceremony and the white thread ceremony) are wrought with symbolism and are intended to ensure luck and prosperity for the newlyweds.
Civil marriages in Thailand, whether between Thai nationals, foreign nationals or one of each, are governed by the code. The civil ceremony involves a trip to the local amphoe or khet (district) office, where the couple stand in line and submit the relevant paperwork and fees. The amphoe or khet office then issues a marriage certificate and the couple are deemed to be married for the purposes of Thai law.
The code requires that the man and woman: (i) both have attained 17 years of age (or have parental consent); (ii) be of sound mind; (iii) not be related to one another; and (iv) not have a spouse at the time of marriage. If the couple meets these criteria they are permitted to give a declaration of the union before the registrar. The declaration is given by both parties consenting to take one another as husband and wife; legal consent to marriage is given by affixing a signature in the marriage register.
Historically, wives in a Thai civil marriage had to change their last name to demonstrate to society their union with their husband. A 2005 amendment to the Personal Name Act 2505 (1962) removed this requirement, but the practice remains common.
In a civil marriage, husband and wife are in many ways treated as a single legal entity, such as in relation to medical decision-making, taxes, survivorship and property rights. The rules regarding property are particularly complex, and to avoid these common property rules some Thai couples still eschew civil marriages.
Following a change of law in England and Wales, society's bellwether, the Oxford English Dictionary, recently revised its definition of marriage to include same-sex couples. Yet despite the great tolerance in Thai society for same-sex couples, Thailand's Civil and Commercial Code still restricts marriage to a union of a man and a woman. However, same-sex couples are still able to get married in Thailand by way of a traditional ceremony and may live and reside together in their matrimonial home as married in the eyes of society, but not the law.
Similarly, though some jurisdictions in the West recognise two individuals as married without ever having to attend a traditional or civil ceremony, these "de facto relationships" or "domestic partnerships" are not recognised by Thai law.
That's the "how" of marriage. Later we'll delve into some of the related details.
Angus Mitchell (angus.mitchell@dfdl.com),
Kunal Sachdev (kunal@dfdl.com)
and Thunyaporn Chartisathian (Thunyaporn@dfdl.com).
