Bangkok Shutdown Survival Guide

Bangkok Shutdown Survival Guide

Since no one knows how this shutdown will play out, our only option is to prepare ourselves to have the best damn shutdown experience the world has ever seen.

LIFE 

A guide to surviving the shutdown

It's almost here, the moment no one has been waiting for... Bangkok is on its way to a shutdown on Monday (January 13)! In the most exciting thing that has happened since the day the BTS broke down last month, we can thank the anti-government People's Democratic Reform Committee (PDRC) for continuing to bring festive cheer to the capital.

10/01/2014

Sumati Sivasiamphai, Guru Editor

The PDRC says they will occupy 20 major areas in Bangkok in an effort to paralyse the city and prevent government officials from going to work until the caretaker administration quits. When (or if) that happens, they will set up a "people's council" to reform the whole political system because they apparently have the magic formula that has eluded the greatest thinkers from the beginning of time.

But since no one knows how this shutdown will play out, or how long it will be in effect, our only option as innocent bystanders is to prepare ourselves to have the best damn shutdown experience the world has ever seen, so that we can hopefully tell our grandkids about our heroic actions one day.

The first thing you should do to get ready for the shutdown is to head to your nearest 7-Eleven. You'll need to stock up on important items in case things get really bad. Get water, booze, toilet paper, and all the Mama noodles on the shelves you can carry because there's nothing worse than being stuck at home and going through MSG withdrawals.

Pay for your items and kiss your 7-Eleven cashier goodbye, because who knows when you'll meet again.

Next, head to a shopping mall and buy at least one month's worth of underwear. There's a chance that your maid won't be able to make it to your house because of all the traffic congestion that will occur when the shutdown begins. The surplus undies will come in handy since you don't know how to do your own laundry, plus your maid will really appreciate the extra work you've created for her when the shutdown ends.

While you're at the mall, you might want to stop and pose for some pictures too. That doesn't have anything to do with preparing for the shutdown, but we just thought it's something you would enjoy.

Spend the rest of the weekend downloading every show you can think of. You don't want to go into this shutdown with nothing to watch. Also water your plants, sharpen all your pencils, and get all the karaoke singing out of your system. Anything could happen.

Now that you've taken care of your shutdown survival essentials, it's time to decide what you want to do when the actual city cripplage begins on Monday.

If you choose to use this debacle to stay home from work, eat all the chilli paste from the Mama packs you bought earlier. This will guarantee that you will have a valid excuse to stay home and reconnect with your toilet.

But if no shutdown will keep you from your job, make sure you learn how to use a public bus as many roads will be closed. It may be very difficult to spot such a vehicle at first, because to the untrained eye you may have thought you were seeing Godzilla charge through the streets. But identification will become easier over time. Just look for the contraption that doesn't pull over anywhere near a bus stop.

When you get to work five hours later, terrified and shivering from the deathly bus ride, do what you always do first when you get to the office — log on to Facebook.

Rifle through all the political status updates and protest selfies on your newsfeed, but be careful about posting your own remarks if you're not the confrontational type. This shutdown is going to bring out all the brutal opinions from your Facebook friends, and they will fire back their comments instead of just mindlessly clicking "like".

Once you're done Facebooking, go to a travel website. Make sure not to click on any of those flashing ads because it could harm your computer. Instead, think of the place you've always wanted to visit. Do some research on the best way to get there because depending on what course the shutdown takes, it's not too late to book a one-way ticket out of this nutso city. 

http://www.bangkokpost.com/opinion/opinion/388856/a-guide-to-surviving-the-shutdown

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Vocabulary

  • administration: the government of a country - รัฐบาล
  • apparently: based only on what you have heard or think, not on what you are certain is true; seemingly - ตามที่ได้รู้มา
  • at least: the smallest amount possible, could be more than this - อย่างน้อย
  • book: to buy a ticket in advance; to arrange to have or use something on a particular date in the future - จอง
  • booze: (informal) alcoholic drink - เครื่องดื่มที่มีแอลกอฮอล์ (คำไม่เป็นทางการ)
  • brutal: extremely violent and unpleasant - โหดร้าย
  • bystander: a person who is standing near and watching something that is happening but is not taking part in it - ผู้เห็นเหตุการณ์, ผู้สังเกตการณ์
  • capital: the most important town or city of a country, usually where the central government operates from - เมืองหลวง
  • caretaker: in charge for a short time, until a new leader or government is chosen - รักษาการ
  • cashier: a person whose job is to receive and pay out money in a bank, shop/store, hotel, etc. - พนักงานรับจ่ายเงิน
  • chance (noun): a possibility; a likelihood; an opportunity - โอกาส
  • charge: moving very fast towards someone or something and attacking them - การโจมตี, การจู่โจม
  • cheer: an atmosphere of happiness - ความสดชื่นรื่นเริง
  • come in handy: be useful - ที่มีประโยชน์,ซึ่งนำไปใช้ประโยชน์ได้
  • comment (noun): expressing an opinion - การแสดงความคิดเห็น
  • confrontational: tending to deal with people in an aggressive way that is likely to cause arguments, rather than discussing things with them - ทำให้เกิดมีการเผชิญหน้ากัน
  • congestion: a situation in which a place is crowded with people or vehicles - แน่นขนัดไปด้วยรถหรือคน
  • connect: to join together two or more things - เชื่อมต่อ
  • contraption: a machine, that is strange or doesn't work every well -
  • council: a group of people chosen to give advice, make rules, do research, provide money - สภา, คณะกรรมการ
  • debacle: something that fails  completely in an embarrassing way - การแตกสลาย, การพังทะลายลงอย่างกะทันหัน
  • effort: an attempt to do something - ความพยายาม
  • elude: to be unable to achieve something - ไม่สามารถประสบความสำเร็จ
  • essentials: basics; things that are necessary - สิ่งจำเป็น
  • excuse: a reason that you give to explain why you have done something bad, or why you have not done something that you should have done - ข้อแก้ตัว, ข้ออ้าง
  • experience (verb): to have something happen to you or to live through some event - ประสบ
  • festive: connected with a festival or celebration - รื่นเริง, เกี่ยวกับเทศกาล
  • fire: to shoot a weapon - ยิง
  • flash: something that shines very brightly for a short time - แสงวาบขึ้นมา
  • formula: a list of the things that something is made from, giving the amount of each substance to use - สูตร
  • get out of your system: do a lot of something, so you don't need to do it again -
  • Godzilla: a famous dinosaur-like monster that is as large as buildings in a city that first appeared in Japanese movies during the 1950s -
  • harm: damage - ความเสียหาย
  • head to: to go in a particular direction - มุ่งหน้าไปทาง
  • heroic: showing great determination to succeed or to achieve something, especially something difficult - อย่างกล้าหาญ
  • identification: the process of showing, proving or recognizing who or what somebody/something is - การแสดงตัว
  • in case: if something happens - ในกรณีที่
  • in effect: in use - กำลังใช้อยู่
  • innocent: a person who has not done anything wrong - ผู้บริสุทธิ์
  • item: a single article or object - รายการ, รายการสิ่งของ
  • maid: a female servant in a house or hotel - สาวใช้, หญิงรับใช้
  • major: very large or important - สำคัญมาก
  • mindlessly (adj.): to do something without thinking -
  • moment: a very short period of time; a particular time or occasion - ชั่วขณะ, โอกาสสำคัญ
  • MSG: monosodium glutamate (MSG); a seasoning powder for food - ผงชูรส [
  • newsfeed (noun): the news that comes to you or gets "fed" to you in Facebook or Twitter -
  • nutso: crazy - บ้า
  • occupy: stay at or in a place; live in, inhabit, dwell in - อาศัยอยู่ใน
  • occur: to happen - เกิดขึ้น
  • officials: people who have the power to make decisions or enforce the law - เจ้าหน้าที่ผู้มีอำนาจ
  • opinion: your feelings or thoughts about somebody/something, rather than a fact - ความเห็น, ความคิดเห็น, ทัศนคติ
  • option: a choice; something that you can choose in a particular situation - ทางเลือก
  • paralyse: to cause to be unable to move or function - ทำให้เป็นอัมพาต
  • post: to put a notice, etc. in a public place so that people can see it - ปิดประกาศ
  • prepare (verb): put in order, get ready - เตรียม, เตรียมตัว, เตรียมพร้อม, จัดเตรียม, ตระเตรียม
  • pull over: when a car drives to the side of the road and stops -
  • re: do it again -
  • reform: a change that is intended to correct a situation that is wrong or unfair - การแก้ไข การปฏิรูป
  • remark: something said - คำพูด
  • research: a careful study of a subject, especially in order to discover new facts or information about it - การวิจัย
  • rifle through: to move quickly through papers or documents or files -
  • selfies (noun): photos of yourself that you take with your mobile phone -
  • set up: to create something or start it - ตั้งขึ้น
  • shelve: to decide not to use something such as a plan or suggestion now, although you may use it later - เลื่อนไปก่อน
  • shivering: shaking slightly because you are cold or frightened  - เนื้อตัวสั่นเทาด้วยความหนาวเย็นหรือความกลัว
  • shutdown (noun): turning something off, so that it is not operating anymore -
  • spot: to see or notice - สังเกตเห็น
  • status (noun): situation or official or legal position - สถานะ, สถานภาพ
  • stock up: to collect large amounts of things that may be needed - ตุน, เก็บสะสมไว้ใน
  • stuck: unable to move, or fixed in a particular position or place - ติด
  • surplus (noun): the amount by which the amount of money received is greater than the amount of money spent; more than is needed - จำนวนที่เกิน, ส่วนที่เกิน, เหลือเกิน
  • survival: the fact or state of continuing to live or exist, especially in difficult conditions - การอยู่รอด
  • terrified: very frightened - ตกใจ, ใจหาย, ขวัญหนี
  • traffic (noun): the number of cars, trucks and other vehicles traveling along a road at one time - การจราจร
  • underwear: clothes that you wear under other clothes and next to the skin - ชุดชั้นใน
  • undies: underpants - กางเกงใน, กางเกงชั้นใน
  • untrained eye: when someone does not have experience looking for something, so they might miss it and not see it -
  • update: the most recent information or news about something - ข้อมูลใหม่ๆ
  • valid: legally accepted - ชอบด้วยกฎหมาย
  • vehicle: a machine that you travel in or on, especially one with an engine that travels on roads, e.g., a car, bus, van, truck, etc. - ยานพาหนะ
  • whole (adjective): all of something - ทั้งหมด
  • withdrawal: the reaction of the body when a person stops using something they are addicted to, such as cigarettes, alcohol or drugs - อาการขาดยา
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